Bear Stearns

  • News

    Hedge Fund Investors Seek Money Bear Does Not Have

    Remember that pair of hedge funds Bear had a movie reviewer running which, in retrospect, wasn’t the best idea and might’ve contributed to their collapse? Bunch of the people who lost their money when the two ridiculously named funds went under are still upset about the situation. Geoffrey Varga and William Cleghorn, the court appointed […]

    / Apr 8, 2008 at 2:03 PM
  • News

    Bear Stearns Employees To Learn If They’re Fired or Fired Soon

    Jamie Dimon: Hey Hugh. So I’ve got all these Bear employees to layoff but I can’t decide when to do it. You had the bright idea to can all the disabled ones so, I thought, maybe you could come up with something? Hugh J. Sole: Well, obviously you don’t want them to get an answer […]

    / Apr 7, 2008 at 4:49 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Will Spare No One

    I love Jamie Dimon as much as the next guy afflicted with a bad case of Greekorthodoxophilia but I’m worried that he, or his minions, might be evil. I have no problem with the fact that JPMorgan is effectively stealing thirty billion in taxpayer cash to buy Bear Stearns, that’s obviously okay. But the news […]

    / Apr 7, 2008 at 11:25 AM
  • News

    LOL? More Like ROFLMAOWPIMP!

    Hi, You’ve probably already heard, but the proposed layoff packages for BSC employees doesn’t look that bad – talked with a friend over there, and it looks like they’re going to be paid double salary during the transition period, a month’s severance for each year worked, plus some kind of additional cash bonus for people […]

    / Apr 3, 2008 at 12:34 PM
  • News

    Goldman Sachs: Masters of Henry Blodget’s Universe!

    Roddy Boyd: [On the morning of Tuesday, March 11], Goldman Sachs’s credit derivatives group sent its hedge fund clients an e-mail announcing another blow. In previous weeks, banks such as Goldman had done a brisk business (for a handsome fee, of course) agreeing to stand in for institutions nervous, say, that Bear wouldn’t be able […]

    / Apr 2, 2008 at 3:31 PM
  • News

    More To The Point: Which TV Anchors Have Been Propositioned By, And Turned Down The Advances Of, Jimmy Cayne?

    You know which saucy CNBC minx we never write about, not even to speculate on her personal life? Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. No offense to MCC, she seems like a good journalist and all, it’s just that Carney’s taste tends to swing more Anglo-Saxon and I prefer to objectify men like Mark Haines, who really have it […]

    / Apr 1, 2008 at 11:40 AM
  • News

    He’s Bouncing Back Nicely

    BEAR Stearns chairman Jimmy Cayne celebrating the timely dumping of all his stock in the nearly bankrupt investment bank with a jolly table of Asian businessmen at Elio’s… Sightings [NYP]

    / Apr 1, 2008 at 9:52 AM
  • News

    Notice Him Mouthing “I’m So Sorry” At 1:20

    Surprising: shares of BSC are down nearly five percent since Rabbi Cayne sold his stock. Not surprising: A would-be incoming analyst in Bear Stearns’ equities department writes to tell us he’s been informed the services of he and his brethren are no longer required (and to inquire about openings at DealBreaker. Just one: Hahn’s job). […]

    / Mar 28, 2008 at 2:53 PM
  • News

    Some Of You Might Find This Offensive, But…

    …with his newfound faith in Judaism, and stoner ways, is Jimmy Cayne not:

    / Mar 28, 2008 at 11:22 AM
  • News

    Is The Holocaust Considered A Religious Event?

    In the past weeks, together with his wife, Patricia Cayne, who is a student of Jewish religious traditions, Mr. Cayne has spent considerable time searching for comparable events in religious history to see what lessons can be learned from the collapse of his firm, said a person who has spoken to him recently. Down $900 […]

    / Mar 28, 2008 at 9:47 AM
  • Deal of the Day

    Bear Stearns Crisis Brings Out The Softer Side Of Whip-Toting Hooker

    Hey all you sad Bears—this ought to cheer you up: Manhattan’s preeminent dominatrix, Mistress Victoria X is slashing prices! The S&M professional is offering a session discount of $10/hour (originally $2/hour but she increased the markdown after JPMorgan increased their bid) for a variety of scenarios sure to get your minds off the week you […]

    / Mar 27, 2008 at 9:41 AM
  • News

    Up in Smoke: How That Big Scungili Head Cayne Wrecked Bear

    In chronicling the near-collapse of a 85 year-old firm, a sober voice is required to distill the hubris, folly, carnage and ultimate tragedy found within. That voice belongs to Charlie Gasparino. The Post reports that the CNBC on-air reporter will receive a $400,000 advance from HarperCollins to write the definitive guide to the fall of […]

    / Mar 26, 2008 at 1:26 PM
  • News

    In Closing, Do As I Say, Not As I Do (That Would Not Be Good For Business, If Ya Know What I Mean)

    [Letter from J-Cay to employees, April 2005. Click to enlarge.]

    / Mar 26, 2008 at 10:06 AM
  • News

    In Case You Were Wondering

    That used Bear Stearns tee-shirt that some guy in Ohio won four years ago and used to work out in sold on e-Bay for $151.76. Still up for grabs: a Bear Stearns cafeteria card, football, windbreaker and pen, plus Jimmy Cayne’s roach clip and favorite grav-bong. Sold! Bear Stearns T-shirt gone for $151.76 [Reuters]

    / Mar 25, 2008 at 5:10 PM
  • News

    We Have Reason To Believe An Underground Railroad Is Being Built Between Bear Stearns and Think Equity

    It might seem like we’re cynical, unfeeling assholes over here but I would just like to point out that we see the silver lining in every situation. For instance, tensions are running high at JPMorgan and Bear Stearns, and Jamie Dimon had to work on a holiday that he doesn’t actually celebrate, and thousands of […]

    / Mar 25, 2008 at 1:20 PM
  • News

    Setting The Record Straight On JPMorgan

    Those of you seeking solace in the news that Jamie Dimon had to forgo his alleged Easter Sunday ritual of egg-dying and chocolate noshing are SOL: though the JPMorgan CEO played a rather convincing martyr when he told a fellow diner at San Pietro that he would be “working” over the holiday, there were two […]

    / Mar 25, 2008 at 11:00 AM
  • News

    Barring Anyone From Entering The Room, And Interrupting The Game Of Online Bridge Cayne Was Playing With 3 12-Year Olds In Duluth

    Anger has reverberated all week throughout the gloomy Madison Avenue offices. Cayne’s armed hulk of a bodyguard trailed him everywhere and parked himself outside Cayne’s office all day, sources said. Bear May Have Lived [NYP]

    / Mar 24, 2008 at 12:54 PM
  • The How to Think About Series

    How to Think About How a Pot-Smoking, Card-Shark College Dropout Brought Down an 85-Year-Old Firm

    At times like these, with Bear getting flushed down the 14th Floor Mens, you school girls need a voice of authority to give you a sense of history. Show you how we got here. That voice is me. So gather round, kids. Lesson time, courtesy of Bessie’s History of Bear Stearns: A Timeline. – 1923: […]

    / Mar 20, 2008 at 4:55 PM
  • News

    “I Want My Two Dollars!”

    As long as we’re having video entertainment day at DealBreaker, we might as well put up this collection of “I want my two dollars” clips from Better Off Dead. (Thanks to commenter “36th Chamber” for the link.)

    / Mar 20, 2008 at 1:09 PM
  • News

    Alan Schwartz’s Web Of Lies

    So it seems some people are really getting bent out of shape over this whole thing about Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz telling David Faber everything was cool at the firm just a few short days before everything wasn’t cool. No one wants to let this one go– it doesn’t help that the instigators at […]

    / Mar 19, 2008 at 11:17 AM
  • News

    Think About The Kids

    No one, not even the hopeful summer analysts, who really need these jobs, will be spared. THE LAYOFFS AT BEAR HAVE BEGUN! I’m actually a sophomore who was planning to intern at Bear Stearns this summer. I called the guy I had interviewed with originally this afternoon. He said he was busy, so I agreed […]

    / Mar 18, 2008 at 10:00 AM
  • James Cramer, The How to Think About Series

    How To Think About Jim Cramer’s Insane Confidence–Even For A Crazy Person–In Bear Stearns

    How easy would it be to chalk Jim Cramer’s horrifically bad guidance to a Mad Money emailer last Tuesday to keep his money in Bear Stearns up to Jim Cramer being just plain clueless? I don’t know, very? But let’s think about this for a sec. JC’s given what’s known in the business as “shitty […]

    / Mar 17, 2008 at 3:11 PM
  • News

    Trixie Weighs In

    My girl Meredith Whitney apparently just said “Bear Stearns stock could become worthless.” Obviously she’s feeling creamyourpantstastic right now, as she well should be, and I feel guilty for even thinking this, but is she going to have the time to fuck with Citi AND BSC? I’m sure she’s got it under control and, between […]

    / Mar 14, 2008 at 2:21 PM
  • News

    In Case You Were Wondering

    Citigroup has been ruled out as a potential buyer of Bear Stearns. Related. Who Could Buy Bear Stearns? [DealBook]

    / Mar 14, 2008 at 1:16 PM
  • News

    “JPMorgan, NYFED To Provide Financing To Bear Stearns”

    I don’t even know what that means, neither does David Faber, but he said it’s important and he’s “making calls” so I’m doing my part and copying headlines down from CNBC. Update: Sometime yesterday people stopped buying Bear’s story that they “have this thing under control,” that led to a loss of liquidity, Fed went […]

    / Mar 14, 2008 at 9:20 AM
  • News

    The Pimp Is You, Jimmy

    I don’t know what could possibly heal the gaping wound on our hearts inflicted by the footage of Jim Cramer appearing genuinely upset over Eliot Spitzer’s love of whores, but this is good start: apparently James Cayne paid $28 million for his new 6,000 square foot home at the Plaz. Cash. Posh Plaza purchase [PageSix.com]

    / Mar 12, 2008 at 3:46 PM
  • News

    The Ultimate Diss

    Lehman Brothers is laying off five percent of its global workforce and adding insult to injury is this segment from Fox Business, in which Alexis Glicks implies (by saying outright) that LEH’s biggest rival is Bear Stearns. Ouch. Fucking, FBN, always taking someone’s shitty situation and rubbing his/her nose in it. Personal vendettas between Glick […]

    / Mar 10, 2008 at 11:12 AM
  • News

    Disoriented Jimmy Cayne Emerges From Smoke Filled Bathroom, Lets FBN Anchor Know Citic Deal Is Still On

    Fellow anchors express shock that JC would deign to speak to her, chest bump anyway, commence ‘Happy Hour’ pre-game.

    / Feb 15, 2008 at 3:47 PM

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