Speaking of drugs: saw Pineapple Express last night– AH-MAZING. I highly suggest taking off early this afternoon and seeing it (in related news, synchronize your watches. We’re closing this thing up circa 3 today).
Just on Facebook and not as a movie critic, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction. It appears as though he signed up less than a month ago but the former Bear Stearns Asset Management chair is wasting no time. He’s amassed 66 friends*, a marginally impressive number for someone born in 1954, a decent amount of wall posts, and has added the ‘mood’ and ‘drinks’ applications (though, disappointingly has not yet received any beverages. Be the first to buy this deserving man a shot). Oddly, the Pointwalk Solutions Network founder failed to list BSC in his work history but surely that was an oversight to be rectified posthaste. Former Bears– think of this as an opportunity to reconnect! The rest of you– think of this as the first step in a series of escalating dares the conclusion of which will be you losing tons of money!
Earlier: Comebacks: Rich Marin, Bear Stearns Asset Management
*Waiting on our request to be accepted..
Any Wall Street veteran worth his salt knows that the most important weapon with which to line his arsenal is a fall guy. Inevitably he’s going to fuck enough shit up that someone’s going to have to get fired and wouldn’t it be a shame if it were him? Holding senior execs accountable for their own gaffes and pratfalls would be as patently absurd as Goldman’s prop desk just up and deciding to stop front running clients. Luckily, former Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz knows of this rule, and is planning on buddy system’ing it up at his next gig. The Post reports that Schwartz will be taking erstwhile Bear MD Richard Metrick with him upon leaving Bearpont Morgan Chase in August. The duo doesn’t know exactly where it’s going, but is said to be mulling offers from Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, Warburg Pincus, and KKR. Other requirements Schwartz rumored to be putting in his next contract are included but not limited to immunity following the takeover of whatever firm he takes down, and peanut butter M&M’s.
Bear’s Schwartz Mulling Job Offers [NYP]
Charlie Gasparino reports that former Bear CEO Alan “We’ve Got Liquidity Coming Out Of Every Orifice” Schwartz will leave Bearpont Morgan Stearns at the end of the summer. Schwartz has apparently been “working on some deals” at Bearpont, but decided–as did senior executives at the firm– that the fit wasn’t quite right. According to Gasparino, Amphibious Al has not yet decided what to do next, though a small boutique firm, major bank (please say Lehman), and private equity shop are all in the hopper.
Earlier: Alan Schwartz Declining Offer From JPMorgan Cayne?
When the history books (by which we mean Charlie Gasparino’s, When Mooks Fail) look back at the fall of Bear Stearns, there will be a lot to lambast BSC management over. A lot. A whole lot. There will be one thing we can thank them and Jimmy Cayne’s thrice daily caramel macchiato habit for, however, and that is three less purveyors of vanilla bullshit latte cappa things. Last Friday, Starbucks officially issued a list of the 600 stores it will be closing over the next several months. Half of six Manhattan locations scheduled to be shuttered are located within two blocks of the dearly departed Bear Stearns 383 Madison Avenue headquarters. Will the oft patronized head shops, Frito distributors and providers of the Magic Eye posters in the area be affected as well? We’ll just have to wait and see.
Starbucks Closes 600 Stores. Will US Economy Survive? [American Madness]
“In retrospect, it was so easy to take down Bear.”
We’re a bit of a one-trick pony around here today, fighting the good fight against all those nasty speculating reporters and bankers claiming rumors are having damaging effects on the market. But it’s getting late in the day. Bank of America is still pretending it doesn’t need to cut its dividend. Merrill still won’t admit it needs more money, but its stock dropped 9% today. Lehman’s down 11% on now news. (Somebody catch those rumor mongers!) Freddie and Fannie are off 24% and 13%. Why should we bother even pretending anything else we could cover is this much fun?
Charlie Gasparino has now written about his investigation into the market manipulation story. He’s got a personal axe to grind because he’s been named in some of the stories as one of the villains at CNBC whose rumor mongering brought down Bear Stearns.
But as Gasparino shows us: the timing doesn’t work out for the conspiracy theorists. Two hedge fund managers he talked to were pulling their funds out of Bear Stearns long before CNBC started reporting that Bear Stearns investors and customers were concerned about the firm’s liquidity and future business prospects. So the rumors of a run on the bank only really got started after the run was off and, well, running. Meanwhile, the executives at Bear were denying anything was going on.
In short, those nasty rumor mongers were more trust-worthy than the Wall Street executives who either lied or didn’t know that their customers were headed for every exit they could find.
Gasparino: The Right Question for Bear Stearns[CNBC]
Many of you were outraged at the comment made by Bearpont Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to Charlie Rose that the SEC should investigate the “smoke” surrounding the fall of Bear Stearns, because the mixture of gases and suspended carbon particles supposedly suggests that not only was Jimmy Cayne getting high at the office, but that there may have been a “deliberate and malicious destruction of value” caused by the creation and spreading of a rumor about BSC being in trouble. And, if there’s conclusive evidence of guilt, that those parties should go to prison, and not pansy-ass white collar resort prison for a two month stay but federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for a very long time. We’re pretty sure Dimon was referring to the so-called evil shorts who a lot of people would like to believe were behind Bear’s demise and not CNBC, but nonetheless would be remiss not to bring this call to put network contributor Dennis Kneale behind bars to your attention. Oh, and here’s a vintage clip of the perp fighting with Charlie Gasparino over whether or not he uses hookers. Just ’cause we love you.