Bear Stearns

  • 13 May 2008 at 10:14 AM

Just Wondering

Now that Jamie Dimon has admitted that JPMorgan will make a billion dollars from the Bear deal, do you think he’ll stick to his previous promise to never again buy another failing investment bank at the last minute?

BARTIROMO: You only had 48 hours to do the due diligence, correct?
DIMON: That’s correct.
BARTIROMO: That had to be a huge risk.
DIMON: It’s the last time I will ever do something like that.

CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo Speaks Exclusively with JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon on “Closing Bell” [CNBC]
JPMorgan CEO sees $1 bln gain from Bear deal [Reuters]

  • 09 May 2008 at 12:50 PM

Layoffs Watch ’08: JPMorgan

Mark Petrinovic, JPM’s head of Latin American Credit, along with 4 MD’s and 1 ED, are said to have been laid off yesterday. Supposedly the cuts were “quite unexpected as they were unrelated to the Bear integration.” Which begs the question, would you rather be fired through no fault of your own, or for reasons that can be placed squarely on your drug use*? Personally, we’re inclined to go with the latter. If** I’m going to get fired, I’m going to do it on my own terms.
*Merely a “for instance.”
**“If,” ha.

I’m not exactly sure what we’re supposed to do with this but a (soon to be?) former Bear employee just bcc’d us on this message to a higher up at the bank so we’ll put it out there. That’s what we do at DealBreaker, give voices to those who cannot be heard. We’re practically a human rights watch group, wouldn’t you say? I just wish we’d been non-blind carbon copied, in which case it would be appropriate to re all with “Yeah!” or “We concur!” or something to that effect. If anyone else has a message they’d like to more widely disseminate, send it our way.

It saddens me that you have so simply, arrogantly and cruelly changed the severance classification of the equity research department personnel on the very day no-less that layoffs commenced. This change is reprehensible and you-can-bet grounds for litigation. Many of us in the research department were persuaded to stay and await final determination of our employment status because of the way the severance packages were structured; mind-you, a very deliberate structuring on JPMorgan/Bear’s part for the very reason to dupe us into staying at Bear. Shame on you! You lied! And, of course, the loyal employees your glib lies hurt the most are those who earned the least, the Associates.

greenberg.jpgWe thought it was impossible at this point to dig up any more evidence to support the claim that Jimmy Cayne is a dick who cared more about his recreational activities (card playing, drug use, journalism) than the company he was supposed to be running, but, damn it, it’s been done. And in the same NYT article, another notion we once held regarding Wall Street—that it’s the type of place that kicks you out on your ass long before the dementia sets in—is also blown out of the water.
It’s not surprising in the least that J-Cay would be the type of person to refuse to refer to an elder by the nickname he so obviously loved. Still, the extent to which JC went to deny Alan “Ace” Greenberg one of the last remaining pleasures in the twilight of his life is stunning. According to Landon Thomas, Cayne “makes a point” to “never” use the handle, and has “a standing order among some of his closer associates that anyone who uses the name Ace in his presence, owes him $100.” Due to the fact that virtually no one else at the firm shared Cayne’s inability to utter the one syllable proper noun, this is actually considered to be one of the J man’s most prudent business decisions.
Also in line with what we know but still beating his own record at prickish behavior is the story about how Cayne “convinced” Greenberg to stay at Bear last year, after he threatened to leave, citing a lack of respect, mostly from the big guy himself. The board, trying to stave off a PR crisis, told JC to get in there and make nice. Obviously any ounce of sincerity was out of the question, but they were probably under the impression Cayne could at least fake some stuff about Greenberg being “so important to the firm,” “a valuable part of the team,” “a living antique we don’t want to lose,” and so on and so forth. As it turns out, not so much!
Apparently all Cayne was capable of was citing some speech he’d given at a dinner that mentioned Greenberg’s previous work, before getting pissed off that a man of his stature had even been asked to do something so demeaning, and shouting “Alan, this is the opposite of disrespect, so don’t tell me you are disrespected” and walking out of the room. In Cayne’s defense, he did have the respect not to put Greenberg in a choke hold and ask, “Why don’t you just die, old man?” which you know he wanted to, but still. Way to make the guy feel wanted. (Another thing to note, for fairness sake, is that the reason Cayne had to cut things short was because he was late to play golf, and not because he didn’t “give a baker’s fuck if He Whose Nickname I Shall Not Say stuck around or not.”)
Shockingly left out of the article is the rumor we’ve heard that when Cayne found out those early negotiations between JPMorgan and the Fed had resulted in the Fed, feeling the equity investors didn’t deserve jack, coming up with the $2/share deal, JC was so insulted that he said he’d rather see Bear go to zero than take two, and threatened to take adequate steps to ensure that end. (Cayne scrapped the idea when the Fed supposedly told him they spend the next twenty years investigating every move he ever made at the firm which, I think we can all agree, would’ve been awesome, and would clearly include proof that JC gave away 1,000 shares of BSC to make the pictures of him taping the two-dolllar bill to the door of 383 Madison go away.)
Oh, and “Ace” says that one of the reasons he wanted to leave, in addition to being disrespected, was a bout of depression stemming from his puppy not placing well in dog shows. Enjoy it while you can, Jamie Dimon.
Behind Bear Stearns’ demise, a royal battle at the top [IHT]

This seems slightly absurd but what the hey: according to Financial News, offings at Bear could exceed 10,000 and, supposedly, those being cut will receive nine months pay and one-third of last year’s bonus, cash. If anyone knows how I could get a job with the B for about a week (got some vacay days to burn through), that would be top notch. Don’t worry about the firing part of the equation, I’ve got plenty of ‘How Tos’ up my sleeve.
Earlier: Fringe Benefits To Getting Fired
Bear Stearns layoffs could exceed 10,000 [Financial News]

Columbia Spectator Editor: How are we going to top the Timesstory about the UPENN kids who lost the jobs Bear promised they could have before, you know.
Columbia Spectator Staff Writer: Hmm…I mean, there’ve got to be some Columbia kids in the same situation, no? I could interview a bunch of them?
CS E: It’s poss…tell me more.
CS SW: Well my roommate’s friend had his offer from Bear taken back and now he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to afford to live in Murray Hill this summer…there’s a chance his parents might pay his rent, but there’s also a chance they might make him move home, which I think is sort of crazy, and would make for a good story, no?
CS E: Well, it’s worse than the Penn girl who’ll merely have to be subsidized by mom and dad for a spell, that’s for sure, but we can do better.
CS SW: Yeah.
CS E: There’s go to be more pain. More heartbreak. Ya dig?
CS SW: Yeah.
CS E: We need to give voice to those who cannot speak.
CS SW: I know. But I’ve got nothing.
CS E: Same…damn, this is harder than I thought it’d be.
CS SW: You’re telling me.
[They stare at each other in silence for 5 minutes]
CS E: Oh, oh wait, here it is, here comes the money shot—I just got an email about a girl who got the bad news about Bear WHILE ON SPRING BREAK. And get this—she didn’t line up another job at a hedge fund for almost a month after that.
CS SW: God, that is perfect.
CS E: More where that came from, coming at ya. Some chick from the class of ’10—are you sitting down? Are you ready for this? Do you have a paper bag to blow into, because you’re going to need oxygen in a second—got her Bear internship taken away.
CS SW: NO.
CS E: YES.
CS SW: Then what happened?
CS E: She got one with JPMorgan.
CS SW: Christ, that was touch and go for a while.
CS E: I know.
CS SW: You see? This is why they pay you the big bucks.
Bear Stearns Crash Leaves Students in Employment Crunch [Columbia Spectator]

Apparently JPM has let go of their entire bespoke correlation trading team, to make room for the Bear guys, who will supposedly be getting their jobs.

  • 01 May 2008 at 11:19 AM

Ya Think?

Forbes notes today that while Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein may have been paid an “obscene” $314,894 a (working) day in 2007, he actually took home less of the bank’s overall profits than most of his counterparts on the Street, who, how to put this, made their firm’s jack, and still proceeded to reward themselves handsomely for a job not so well done. Whereas LB’s compensation, which was about $74 million last year, represented 0.64% of Goldman’s FY07 profits of $11.6 billion, a big time fuck up like, for instance, James Cayne, got paid out 4.73% of Bear’s $233 million profit. Making the idea that GS shareholders should have a “say” on the little guy’s “pay” all the more ridiculous.
A $74 Million Bargain [Forbes]

Here’s a lil’ pick me up for all you bankers thinking you’re the only ones taking it up the tailpipe– JWM Partners, the fund started by John Meriwether after things started to go downhill at LTCM, which recently lost 24 percent in its $1 billion fixed-income hedge fund this year through March 14, just laid off ten employees and two partners have “quit.” DealBreaker has obtained a portion of the heartfelt note Meriwether sent to the unlucky staffers, which you’ll find after the jump.

Read more »

  • 28 Apr 2008 at 10:30 AM

Alan Greenberg’s Big Gift

We went on record the other day saying that we try and stay away from making fun of charitable donations of any kind. And, damn it, UBS woman who boxed us into the corner, we’re sticking to it. Just know that we’re grappling with a banging our head against the desk level of frustration here, k? K. Former Bear Stearns chairman and chief executive Alan “Ace” Greenberg announced that he will be gifting twenty five longtime workers of the late firm with $360,000 of his own money. Once a month, for the next six years, the former employees will receive $200 each.
Gift to the Mailroom, From the Boardroom [NYT]

Ken Griffin has poached yet another JPMorgan senior exec. This time it’s Derek Kaufman, most recently global head of fixed income in the bank’s proprietary positioning group. Last week we felt badly for JD and his mounting personnel losses. Now we’re convinced he’s behind them. Slowly but surely, his plan for a Bear-saturated JPM is coming to fruition.
Citadel continues hiring spree for senior managers [Financial News]