[via ZH]
Unfortunately, despite some inspired lines, his delivery sucks. Next time get someone to do a dramatic reading. Christopher Walken, Alec Baldwin, Al Pacino and Gary Busey would all be good picks (though you’ll never land The Buse, especially during the holiday party season).
If you’d like to read along, the full statement, courtesy of the Journal, is after the jump. Think you could do a better job? Record yourself using the camera you already have set up and send it over.
Earlier: What Are Senator Jim Bunning’s Thoughts On Ben Bernanke?
Ben Bernanke
Of Senators who are under the impression that The Beard’s last name is ‘Ber-na-ke’. Obviously this will be added to throughout the day.
* Sen. Richard Shelby
* Sen. Chris Dodd (really?)
Well, here’s a fun twist to Sen. Chris Dodd’s proposal to castrate the Federal Reserve: Big Ben Bernanke is set to travel to the Hill at some point after Thanksgiving for a few rounds with the gentleman from Connecticut, who heads the committee considering Bernanke’s renomination as chairman of the soon-to-be-inconsequential Fed.
Now, Dodd is saying all the right things, telling Bernanke he’s “doing a terrific job” and that his bid to give most of the Fed’s power to others is “not about individuals and personalities.” But then he turns around and says Ben’s Boys have been an “abysmal failure” when it comes to regulating banks.
One of Bernanke’s minions has already spoken out against doing anything to trim the Fed’s authority, with the Kansas City branch warning that messing with the F.R. “could lead to delays or second-guessing of supervisory recommendations and greater political interference.” And it was talking about Rep. Barney Frank’s proposals for financial regulation reform, which don’t go nearly as far as Dodd’s in cutting the Fed down to size.
Why didn’t Ken Lewis tell Bank of America shareholders that the company they were acquiring was set to report an imperial asston of losses for the fourth quarter, information that would’ve been more useful to them before the deal went through, rather than after? ‘Cause Paulson and Bernanke shoved him in the trunk of a Buick, took him to an undisclosed location and suggested in no uncertain terms he keep his trap shut, that’s why! According to testimony from the Bank of America CEO’s February sit down with Andrew Cuomo, Lewis was “urged to keep quiet while the two sides negotiated government funding to help BofA absorb Merrill and its huge losses,” apparently for the good of the financial system and the country, and since he *is* head of America’s Bank, K the the L felt urged to comply (plus the bit about harm to his body if he failed to do so).
Q: Were you instructed not to tell your shareholders what the transaction was going to be?
A: I was instructed that ‘We do not want a public disclosure.’
Q: Who said that to you?
A: Paulson…
Q: Had it been up to you would you [have] made the disclosure?
A: It wasn’t up to me.
Q: Had it been up to you.
A: It wasn’t.
Oh, and there was also the matter of Paulson threatening to take Lewis out (of office) if he didn’t do exactly as he was told.
When you are on track to spend a few trillion dollars, communication is everything. People have to feel they are getting something for their hard earned money. That progress is being made. It’s like the big, red thermometer with dollars on the side during the charity drive. Progress. See?
So the Federal Reserve is sort of getting the idea that, along with its move to become the largest, most unwieldy spender of cash in the known universe, that it needs its own cable channel. FedTV or suchlike. Of course, it’s just starting with press conferences.
Officials at the U.S. Federal Reserve have discussed holding regular press briefings to help improve public understanding of unusual actions by the Fed in times of crisis, a Fed official said on Tuesday.
Press conferences have been weighed among other ideas, the official said. The Fed has sought during recent upheaval to explain its actions to a broader public, the official said, citing Chairman Ben Bernanke’s recent television interview and willingness to take questions from reporters after a speech.
We always happy to hear from The Beard, and certainly he’s less obscure than Greenspan (Greenspan TV might as well have been dubbed in Farsi) but we wonder if anything can “help improve public understanding of unusual actions by the Fed in times of crisis.” (Like that’s possible). Are we just being crotchety? Maybe “Real Life: I Work At The Fed” or perhaps “Real World: D.C.” is the next big thing? We are just waiting for the scene where Tim and The Beard see the house in D.C. for the first time. Who will turn out to be the alcoholic in the house? Who will admit they are gay in the first 48 hours? Who is the house slut? Tell us, do!
Fed weighs news conferences in tranparency push [Reuters]
“Hey, Ben. Get to the spending, already. Let’s go! That balance sheet is shrinking. Do you think we are paying you to shrink the balance sheet? No sir-ee, Bob. Expansion. Expansion. Ex-pan-sion. Aggressive… aggressive… let’s be aggressive. Right? Get it?
Let me put it in terms you can understand. If the Fed’s balance sheet doesn’t hold one third of all corporate debt by this time Monday, you’re fired. [Aside] What? How? Four years? Oh. [To Speakerphone] I mean, you won’t be looked upon favorably for reappointment in 2010. You get the idea. [Aside] He get’s the idea.”
Chairman Ben S. Bernanke and Federal Reserve policy makers may have to ramp up their purchases of mortgage securities and other assets after the economy and job market deteriorated further since they last met.
The Federal Open Market Committee, gathering today and tomorrow in Washington, needs to redouble its efforts after the central bank’s balance sheet shrank 17 percent from a $2.3 trillion December peak, Fed watchers said. The retreat came even as Bernanke acknowledged the chance that the unemployment rate will exceed 10 percent for the first time in a quarter century.
Bernanke May Need to Ramp Up Fed’s Asset Purchases [Bloomberg]
Yep. He’s back. As usual, we listen so you don’t have to.
10:02:
There he is! There he is! Oh no, now his wife bleached his tie accidentally.
Wyden: Well, the Chairman was otherwise occupied (fly fishing), so I’m going to grandstand for a little while. Look, we want some damn good news, so get to it. CNBC’s ratings suck. How do you like that? Let me quote a little Buffett (I’ll avoid the reference to VD). You need to get more people borrowing. We need more debt. Get to it!
Gregg: So is the debt going to just screw us or what?
Beard: I know, let’s talk about the new cool BARFTARF program that we invented the other day. After that, my long, mind numbing recitation of figures like non-core inflation and durable goods orders will defeat your weak Grandstand-Fu! Since I am reading my prepared statement, none of your questions will be answered. Hah!
10:26:
Gregg: How long are we going to be breastfeeding AIG?
Beard: The situation is fluid.
Gregg: Why can’t you tell us who AIG is pouring money to? Who are the counterparties? I want names. We are here for the names.
[crackle] *whisper* “Yes, sir. Yes, sir, I’m right behind him. Yes, it’s loaded. Yes, sir. No names. I understand. Yes, sir.”
Beard: Hey, these people didn’t do anything illegal. So shut it.
[crackle] *whisper* “No, sir. All clear. He held up.”
Gregg: The Fed better come clean. We don’t take crazy risks like AIG up in Oregon, let me tell you.
Graham: How much can we actually borrow?
Beard: Well, 100% of GDP is a bit unhealthy. Let’s not do that.
Graham: What’s a zombie look like, Mr. Chairman?
Beard: Decaying. Missing eyeball. Smells of rot. You know.
Graham: So, is AIG a zombie?
Beard: No.
Graham: If AIG is not a zombie, what is?
Beard: I don’t know…?
Sanders: Hey, who’d ya lend the $2.2 trillion to? Will you tell us?
Beard: No.
Sanders: Do you have to be a big, greedy reckless financial institution to borrow that money?
Beard: Basically.
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