Bernie Madoff

  • 03 Nov 2011 at 6:48 PM

Inspector General David Kotz Really Inconveniencing SEC Staffers’ Ability To Look At Porn, Not Uncover Fraud, Gripe Employees

By

In recent years, the Securities and Exchange Commission has been known more for its fuck-ups than successes. The regulator took a pass on heeding the warning signals by Bernie Madoff himself that he was running a Ponzi scheme, it chose to go after David Einhorn rather than Allied Capital when the hedge fund manager suggested all was not right at the company and right now, as we type, the regulator is presumably fucking up in ways we cannot imagine but will hear about two years hence. Separately the Commission happens to employ a not insignificant number of people who like to look at porn all day, every day, in lieu of working, which perhaps could explain some of the slip-ups, though it’s a very chicken or egg situation.

In past times, none of this (the failures and the 24/7 surfing of www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.anal-sins.com, www.fuck-my-wife.com, among others) proposed a problem. Business as usual. Then Inspector General David Kotz had to come in and start asking people, “Why didn’t you think to follow up when Madoff said the whole thing was a scam?” and “Why, on Wednesday, August 20th did you make approximately 385 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyx.com from your work computer?” And now, it’s war. Read more »

  • 27 Oct 2011 at 12:07 PM

Bernie Madoff Can’t Say Enough Good Things About Prison

By

Barbara Walters told ABC’s “Good Morning America” on Thursday that she interviewed Madoff for two hours at the prison in Butner, N.C., where he’s serving a 150-year sentence. No cameras were allowed in the prison. Walters said Madoff told her he thought about suicide before being sent to prison, but since he’s been there he no longer thinks about it. Walters quoted Madoff as saying: “I feel safer here (in prison) than outside. I have people to talk to, no decisions to make. I know I will die in prison. I lived the last 20 years of my life in fear. Now, I have no fear because I’m no longer in control.” [AP, earlier]

  • 21 Oct 2011 at 4:08 PM

Bernie Madoff Couldn’t Be Happier Behind Bars

By

Maybe, you thought, Bernie Madoff wouldn’t like prison. Maybe, you thought, after a life of luxury, living in an 8X10 would cramp his style. Maybe, you thought, that he’d have trouble earning 14 cents an hour sweeping the floors, after spending several decades ‘earning’ millions making fake trades. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t take to an environment wherein taking your pants off means open season on your ass, after coming from a work environment where nobody blinked an eye when he regularly “dropped his trou in the office to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical,” without the slightest threat of attack. Maybe, you thought, he’d be home sick. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t make any friends. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t get picked by any fraternities during rush. Well, you couldn’t be anymore wrong. Not only is Berns quickly adjusting and joining all sorts of groups, but he’s having the time of his life. Read more »

  • 25 Aug 2011 at 11:39 AM

Bernie Madoff Under The Impression That Harvard Plans To Teach A Course Based On His Legitimate Years

By

Since February, Bernie Madoff has been on a little something called the Legitimate Years Tour. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, not to mention resulted in the suicide of his own child, but why must that be all that is said of him, when it only represents a single entry on the old CV? He’s did a lot of other stuff too, and because everyone seems to have forgotten all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forget about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special, he was forced to embark on the LYT to jog some memories. The first stop was a February an interview with New York, wherein he griped to Steve Fishman:

“Does anybody want to hear that I had a successful business and did all these wonderful things for the industry?” Bernie continued. “And got all these awards? And so did my family? I did all of this during the legitimate years. No. You don’t read any of that.”

Next stop: a chat with New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin, who was reminded that Madoff “was worth a billion dollars before any of this nonsense started,” during which it was also suggested he should be getting credit for his later work (the legitimacy of which is still an open-ended question in his mind), if only for the fact that its complexities could only be understood by the most sophisticated of investors (him). And finally, as sit down with the Times, where Berns explained that he got such a raw deal because the judge, like all of his feeble-brained haters, doesn’t understand how “the industry” works.

And yet for all the work he’s put into educating you people on the History of Bernie’s World, in which the whole Ponzi thing is but a blip, you just still don’t get it. But you know what? That’s fine. Not a problem. Because Harvard does. Read more »

  • 18 Jul 2011 at 5:01 PM

Walter Noel’s Daughter Apparently Failed To Get Bernie Madoff’s Advice On How To Run A Scam For Years Without Anyone Catching On

By

Remember Marisa Noel Brown? She’s the youngest daughter of Fairfield Greenwich Group founder Walter Noel, whose role in the Madoff scam resulted in the family being kicked out of their country club and being forced to sell their share of a private jet. As her husband was a FGG employee at the time the shit hit the fan back in December 2008, and would likely find it difficult to find a position at a new firm what with the taint of his father-in-law-/Madoff, it appeared lucky that Marisa had started a jewelry company with her friends several months prior, which meant she could not only provide for her children, but provide hope that the Noels could again one day be known as successful, hardworking businessmen and ladies. Which is why this lawsuit claiming MNB and her partners’s model was to buy jewelry from well-known designers and then sell it as their own is not helping things. Read more »

  • 28 Jun 2011 at 2:07 PM

Bernie Madoff Feels Like A Piñata

By

When one is serving a 150 year sentence for running a massive Ponzi scheme, he tends to find himself with time on his hands to think about things. Take Bernie Madoff, for example. He has a job in the joint (working in the commissary) and he gets in daily walks on the track but other than that, the hours are usually spent reflecting. His reflection time over the last couple years has lead to a few big conclusions and chief among them? That he’s been on the receiving end of a bum rap, in more ways than one, which he’s mentioned during several stops on his Legitimate Years Tour. In February, he griped to New York:

“Does anybody want to hear that I had a successful business and did all these wonderful things for the industry?” Bernie continued. “And got all these awards? And so did my family? I did all of this during the legitimate years. No. You don’t read any of that.”

Last month, he reminded New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin that he “was worth a billion dollars before any of this nonsense started” but does anyone ever mention that? No they only care about the net worth accrued from his ill-gotten gains. On the same tour stop, he also suggested that he should be getting credit for his later work (the legitimacy of which is still an open-ended question in his mind), if only for the fact that its complexities could only be understood by the most sophisticated of investors (him).

Still, he speaks about his financial acumen with unmistakable pride. “The strategy that I was using for them, whether it was real or not, was not something that anyone would understand if you were not an expert,” he said. As he put it in an e-mail, “Fred was not [at] all stock market savvy and Saul was not really either. They were strictly Real Estate people. Although I explained the Strategy to them they were not sophisticated enough to evaluate it properly, nor were most of my other individual clients. They were not in a position to perform the necessary due diligence and did not have access to necessary financial info or records.”

Which leads us to Berns’ latest. In an interview with the Times he reasons that he got such a raw deal because the judge, like all of his feeble-brained haters, doesn’t understand how “the industry” works. Read more »

  • 06 Jun 2011 at 12:38 PM

Bernie Madoff’s Underwear, Ass Sell At Auction

By

Over the weekend, the US Marshals service held yet another auction of Bernie Madoff’s stuff, with the proceeds going to victims of the Ponz Master’s scheme. Previous items bought by bidders have included Bernie’s prized collection of mini-bar booze, his marital bed, and his belly button ring. This time, someone got a deal on his (used) underwear (14 pairs for $200) and a photo of an unidentified ass. Read more »

  • 27 May 2011 at 10:24 AM

Mets Fans Can Thank Bernie Madoff For Their 2000 NL Championship

By

Oddly, the Ponz Master hasn’t reminded anyone of this fact during his “Legitimate Years” tour but no matter- you’re welcome. Read more »

  • 23 May 2011 at 2:09 PM

Bernie Madoff Is Fairly Confident His Friends/Investors Will Forgive Him, If They Can Get Over Themselves

By

For the latest issue of the New Yorker, Jeffrey Toobin explores the relationship between Bernie Madoff and Fred Wilpon, chairman and chief executive of the Mets and a victim of Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, which resulted in Wilpon (and the baseball team) getting, how to put this? Fucked. As his new project while in the joint is getting people to remember his legacy and talk about all the great stuff he did prior to one blip on an otherwise tremendous career, Berns picked up where he left off with New York reporter Steve Fishman, to whom he griped in February:

“Does anybody want to hear that I had a successful business and did all these wonderful things for the industry? And got all these awards? And so did my family? I did all of this during the legitimate years. No. You don’t read any of that.”

Here’s what he had to say this time around: Read more »

  • 19 May 2011 at 1:39 PM

Bernie Madoff’s Mini-Booze Turns Nice Little Profit

By

The wine and alcohol collection amassed by Madoff was auctioned off Wednesday, fetching staggering prices for rather mundane lots. The proceeds will go to victims of his decades-long fraud. Some examples: Four airline-size bottles of alcohol (Smirnoff vodka, Bombay gin and Grand Marnier liqueur): sold for $300 (Estimated value: $10 to $20). [WSJ, earlier]

  • 18 May 2011 at 3:02 PM

Anyone Want To Hazard A Guess As To The Madoff ‘Mystery’ Liquor Being Auctioned Off?

By

This afternoon, the US Marshals Service will hold yet another auction of Bernie Madoff’s stuff, with proceeds going to the victims of the Ponzi scheme. Today’s lots are comprised of the liquor left behind by the Ponz Master. As previously mentioned, one lucky bidder will take home Bernie’s prized collection of low-grade mini-bar booze (including a selection of 2-ounce bottles of Smirnoff vodka, Bombay gin and Grand Marnier liqueur). Also up for grabs? A decanter containing a mystery liquid, which starts at $500. Read more »