Bernie Madoff

  • News

    Bernie Madoff’s Motto Is “F*ck My Victims”

    According to ex-con K.C. White, the guy who sketched Bernie’s portrait on the inside. White says the Ponz Master was kind of a prick during the process, trying to tell him how to do his job, like Berns is some sort of an artist himself but they were both prettay prettay prettay pleased with the […]

    / Dec 18, 2009 at 4:05 PM
  • News

    Is Bernie Madoff Allowed To Make Long Distance Outgoing Calls?

    From the mailbag: Bomb threat occurred today on the 18th floor of Madoff’s old firm at Lipstick Building. Anniversary present? No real police presence and the identity of phone caller is known.

    / Dec 11, 2009 at 2:02 PM
  • News

    “I’ve been [mooo] running [oink oink] a [quack] Ponzi scheme [quack quack]”

    Have you ever wondered what Ira Sorkin, Bernie Madoff’s lawyer, was doing when he got the call that his client’s business wasn’t entirely legit, per se? Wonder no longer: “I’m sitting in [my granddaughter’s pre-schoo] class and these children, two-and-a-half-year-olds, are standing around, pretending that they’re on a farm,” Sorkin said. “And the teacher is […]

    / Dec 11, 2009 at 11:58 AM
  • News

    Bernie “The Don” Madoff Feels Betrayed By Former Employees, Has Portrait Drawn

    As previously mentioned, Bernie Madoff’s life in prison is prettay prettay prettay good. Fellow inmates make him delicious wrap sandwiches, he’s in with “the homosexual posse,” and every now and then he gets stoned. The Jouranal checked in with the big man, and reports today that things are still going quite nicely. He plays bocce, […]

    / Dec 11, 2009 at 11:19 AM
  • News

    Madoff Victim Belts It Out

    Bernie Madoff scammed many, many people. And almost exactly a year later (next Thursday, mark your calendars), each one has attempted to heal the pain in his/her own unique way. Some have taken whacks at his head. Some have pissed on his face. Some have cried. Some have told the world his dick could fit […]

    / Dec 1, 2009 at 3:47 PM
  • News

    Dennis Kozlowski Doesn’t Like Living In Jail, Cigarettes

    The Koz has a new appeal pending before a federal judge in Manhattan, re: whether or not he was denied a fair trial because he “didn’t have access to prosecutorial evidence that might have helped his defense.” He’s four years into his sentence, a pretty vague 8 to 25 years and honestly? He doesn’t like […]

    / Nov 23, 2009 at 10:54 AM
  • News

    Key Madoff Accomplices Charged (Take A Deep Breath, Mark and Andy, It Isn’t You)

    Remember when the Feds were thisclose to finally arresting Bernie Madoff’s sons and confirming all of our suspicions that the biggest Ponzi scheme ever was a family affair? Well, they still haven’t done that. But they have arrested Bernie’s IT guys. The U.S. Attorney’s office in Manhattan has arrested two computer programmers who formerly worked […]

    / Nov 13, 2009 at 10:26 AM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff: You Have No Idea How Stressful It Was Running A Ponzi Scheme

    The long hours, the fake returns– it all ate away at him pretty badly. Mostly it was the constant fear that today would be the day the rètards at the Securities and Exchange Commission would slip and fall on the boxes of files marked “This Shit Ain’t Legit” scattered pretty much all over the office […]

    / Nov 2, 2009 at 9:50 AM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff: Screwing The SEC, Anyone That Tickles His Fancy From Inside The Joint

    CNBC reports the first bits of news from Bernie Madoff’s latest prison interview. First off, he cannot express how crazy it is that he got away with all this but if he had to identify one reason it was probably so easy was the fact that “everything the SEC did before 2006″ was a “waste […]

    / Oct 30, 2009 at 4:40 PM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme Was A Front For His Cocaine Dealing Business?

    Everytime we try and get off the Berns Beat this guy reels us back in. Not content to let Raj Rajaratnam and his little insider trading case dominate the limelight, Madoff sees your “Sri Lankan scandal” and raises you a “I eat Italian food prepared by a pervert.” The Daily News reports that inside the […]

    / Oct 21, 2009 at 10:09 AM
  • News

    Bid On Bernie’s Shaggin’ Wagon

    Bloomberg reports that the 2001 Mercedes-Benz E320 previously owned by the king of the prison yard will be auctioned off October 23 along with a bunch of other vehicles seized by the U.S. Marshals Service. The suggested retail value is $13,727 to $19,530 and according to Tim Minoughan, the guy running this thing, the ride […]

    / Oct 13, 2009 at 3:34 PM
  • News

    Bernie Madoff In Prison Yard Brawl Over Whether Or Not We’ve Reached A Bottom

    By all accounts Bernie Madoff’s a pretty mild-mannered guy who loves to laugh and will dance his face off in the right setting. Cross him, however, and he will fuck up your universe. Some unnamed shmo inside the Butner, NC federal prison learned this the hard way last week. Details are scant but the Post […]

    / Oct 13, 2009 at 10:00 AM

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