Bernie Madoff

For about a year now, Bernie Madoff has been holding court with various members of the press about something that’s been plaguing him: the fact that few people if any are willing to give credit where credit is due. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, including those of his wife and children, one of whom committed suicide as a result, but he did a lot of other stuff too, like run a “successful business” for which he won lots of “industry awards” during his “legitimate years.” And, yet, everyone seems to forget all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forgot about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special. And since he’s serving a 150 year sentence, Berns has had lots of time to ponder why his years of legitimate achievements go unmentioned and the one thing he keeps coming back to? Irving Picard, who’s pulled a fast one on you all, by suggesting that Bernie’s crime started wayyyyy before it did, when, in fact, Madoff Securities was only running a Ponzi scheme for barely even 20 years. Examine the evidence Madoff shared with Forbes contributor Diana B. Henriques via email:

Jan. 17, 2011 11:05 A.M. … Also remember that the U.S. Attorney admitted that they had no evidence that the crime started in the 80’s and could establish that Montauk and the N.Y. homes in Ruth’s name were not purchased with tainted funds …

Mar. 10, 2011 7:35 A.M. … I would love to know what evidence [Picard] has to date my crime back to 1983 … THE FACT IS THAT THERE IS NONE.

8:05 A.M. … I say once again the fraud started in the 90’s …

Mar. 18, 2011 9:26 A.M. … I guess I’m obsessed with this START OF CRIME ISSUE.

Don’t you see, idiots of the media?! That’s the real issue here. Not the crime itself but the start of the crime. Do the math. Read more »

Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax may testify for the owners of New York Mets at a civil trial accusing them of turning a blind eye to Bernard Madoff’s epic fraud. … According to the Mets owners, Koufax opened a Madoff account at Wilpon’s suggestion, and has been a lifelong friend of Wilpon, with whom he played high school baseball in Brooklyn, New York. “It strains credulity to think that Mr. Wilpon would expose his oldest and closest friend to potential financial ruin” by letting him invest with Madoff, if he knew Madoff was a fraud, the Mets owners said.

In recent years, the Securities and Exchange Commission has been known more for its fuck-ups than successes. The regulator took a pass on heeding the warning signals by Bernie Madoff himself that he was running a Ponzi scheme, it chose to go after David Einhorn rather than Allied Capital when the hedge fund manager suggested all was not right at the company and right now, as we type, the regulator is presumably fucking up in ways we cannot imagine but will hear about two years hence. Separately the Commission happens to employ a not insignificant number of people who like to look at porn all day, every day, in lieu of working, which perhaps could explain some of the slip-ups, though it’s a very chicken or egg situation.

In past times, none of this (the failures and the 24/7 surfing of www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.anal-sins.com, www.fuck-my-wife.com, among others) proposed a problem. Business as usual. Then Inspector General David Kotz had to come in and start asking people, “Why didn’t you think to follow up when Madoff said the whole thing was a scam?” and “Why, on Wednesday, August 20th did you make approximately 385 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyx.com from your work computer?” And now, it’s war. Read more »

  • 21 Oct 2011 at 4:08 PM

Bernie Madoff Couldn’t Be Happier Behind Bars

Maybe, you thought, Bernie Madoff wouldn’t like prison. Maybe, you thought, after a life of luxury, living in an 8X10 would cramp his style. Maybe, you thought, that he’d have trouble earning 14 cents an hour sweeping the floors, after spending several decades ‘earning’ millions making fake trades. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t take to an environment wherein taking your pants off means open season on your ass, after coming from a work environment where nobody blinked an eye when he regularly “dropped his trou in the office to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical,” without the slightest threat of attack. Maybe, you thought, he’d be home sick. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t make any friends. Maybe, you thought, he wouldn’t get picked by any fraternities during rush. Well, you couldn’t be anymore wrong. Not only is Berns quickly adjusting and joining all sorts of groups, but he’s having the time of his life. Read more »

The Ponz Master apparently emailed Gasparino to tell him as much last night and to let him know that their previously scheduled date? CANCELED. Read more »

Since February, Bernie Madoff has been on a little something called the Legitimate Years Tour. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, not to mention resulted in the suicide of his own child, but why must that be all that is said of him, when it only represents a single entry on the old CV? He’s did a lot of other stuff too, and because everyone seems to have forgotten all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forget about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special, he was forced to embark on the LYT to jog some memories. The first stop was a February an interview with New York, wherein he griped to Steve Fishman:

“Does anybody want to hear that I had a successful business and did all these wonderful things for the industry?” Bernie continued. “And got all these awards? And so did my family? I did all of this during the legitimate years. No. You don’t read any of that.”

Next stop: a chat with New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin, who was reminded that Madoff “was worth a billion dollars before any of this nonsense started,” during which it was also suggested he should be getting credit for his later work (the legitimacy of which is still an open-ended question in his mind), if only for the fact that its complexities could only be understood by the most sophisticated of investors (him). And finally, as sit down with the Times, where Berns explained that he got such a raw deal because the judge, like all of his feeble-brained haters, doesn’t understand how “the industry” works.

And yet for all the work he’s put into educating you people on the History of Bernie’s World, in which the whole Ponzi thing is but a blip, you just still don’t get it. But you know what? That’s fine. Not a problem. Because Harvard does. Read more »

Remember Marisa Noel Brown? She’s the youngest daughter of Fairfield Greenwich Group founder Walter Noel, whose role in the Madoff scam resulted in the family being kicked out of their country club and being forced to sell their share of a private jet. As her husband was a FGG employee at the time the shit hit the fan back in December 2008, and would likely find it difficult to find a position at a new firm what with the taint of his father-in-law-/Madoff, it appeared lucky that Marisa had started a jewelry company with her friends several months prior, which meant she could not only provide for her children, but provide hope that the Noels could again one day be known as successful, hardworking businessmen and ladies. Which is why this lawsuit claiming MNB and her partners’s model was to buy jewelry from well-known designers and then sell it as their own is not helping things. Read more »