Remember Tim Sykes? Starred in the inaugural, pre-crisis season of Wall Street Warriors, where his claim to fame was that he’d turned $12,415 in Bar Mitzvah money into “a pre-tax sum of $1.65 million”? Was named to the now defunct Trader Monthly‘s 30 Under 30 list, and subsequently disinvited to one of their party, a turn of events he did not take well? After he closed his fund– Cilantro Partners–, claiming the SEC had “fucked” him, Sykes continued to send out daily investment columns/penny stock advice/I will make you rich/what have you emails, but last night he made his return to the small screen with an appearance on Bravo’s Below Deck and thank god he did. Highlights from the episode include:
In addition to his 19 year-old lady friend, bringing a group of “stock trading students” on the trip with him, who all wear “Timothy Sykes” tee-shirts and tell the crew “he turned his Bar Mitzvah money into $3 million” and “he moved out of the trading world into the teaching world”
Refers to the crew as his “slaves”
Forces the crew to gather ’round while he gives them “stock lessons,” says things like “There are people out there who promise to get people rich…I back it the fuck up. I’m the fucking American Dream. That’s why I have this [takes off American flag he's been wearing as a scarf]…any questions?”
Takes out a stack of money and says to the captain, “Let’s talk tip. I’ve got a big wad of cash here. I planned to give you $22,000 but there were some things wrong. So out of the 22, we’re going to give you 17,” like he’s Dick from 3rd Rock From The Sun.
“You don’t get much better than Stevie Cohen,” said Ed Butowsky, founder of Chapwood Investments, a private wealth management firm based in Dallas with client money invested in SAC. If Butowsky had his druthers, he would steer more investment assets to Cohen’s hedge fund, which he said has delivered three times the return as the “Oracle of Omaha” Warren Buffett with a third of the risk since 1994. “The very thought that people want to trash Stevie Cohen, who is one of the great legends in portfolio management, because of some allegations, shame on them,” Butowsky said. “If it was me and I had to live through this stuff the last three years, I would tell everybody to go jump off a boat.” [Greenwich Time, earlier]
As you know, Harbinger Capital currently has a big bet going on a wireless company called LightSquared. Should it succeed, Phil Falcone will make billions and his investors will receive the triple digit returns they scored on subprime. Should it fail…we don’t even want to go there but the victims will not be faceless and include but are certainly not limited to Lisa Falcone’s outfits (people in and of themselves) and the family’s cabaret performing pig. So far, unfortunately, LightSquared, illiquid shares of which were recently awarded to redemption-seeking investors, has encountered a few bumps in the road (as one often does when one is doing groundbreaking, visionary-esque work). Last month, it was reported that government tests indicated the company would not only cause “devastating interference” to all GPS devices in range but, according to the National Space-Based Positioning, Navigation and Timing Systems Engineering Forum, would “degrade global-positioning system navigation devices that are nearby and as far away as outer space.” LightSquared responded by promising “a workable solution for the small number” of GPS devices “that may be at risk,” but now it seems the venture has bigger problems than Mars on its hands– the boating community, which is pissed. Read more »
Things have been going prettay prettay prettay well for Richard Perry these last six months. His fund, Perry Capital, is up nine percent year to date, his beastly neighbors have quit bitching about the fact that he was burning their eyes out, and this past weekend, his daughter got married to a HBS grad who could potentially take over the family business one day (the SIL is an analyst at the Baupost Group). And speaking of the nuptials! Richie can be credited with not only making sure the celebration had the puffiest shrimp money could buy and a cake that was to die for but delightful ambiance and riveting entertainment for his guests as well. Read more »
It’s really disheartening to hear about consumers cutting back on spending when they should be, if anything, ramping up ridiculous, unnecessary, horrifically indulgent purchases, as if to say S a D, Nouriel Roubini. And yet they’re not, particularly in America because a. people here believe in this mythical “recession” and b. people here are pussies. Pussies that could learn a thing or two from the superwealthy in Eastern Europe, Russia, the Middle East, who currently snapping up not just yachts but thirty million dollar “megayachts” while John Devaney quietly weeps on his twenty-five foot power boat. I encourage every DealBreaker reader to get out there and pick up one of these things, whether or not you think 6,500 square feet of interior living space, 3,500 square of feet exterior space, and 15 bathrooms is a bit much. It’s not about you, it’s about the economy. If Jimmy “I’m Doing It For The Greater Good” Cayne can man up and start buying White Widow by the barrel, you can do this.
Related: When Hedge Fund Losses Hit Home