There’s an old saying that goes “write what you know.” When JC Davies was laid off from her job in the fall of 2008, she decided to do just that. Though she had spent nearly a decade as an equity research analyst, first at ING Barings, then Goldman Sachs and finally RIM Securities, what she truly knew, deep within her soul had nothing to do with money or investing. What JC Davies knew was this: dick. And not just white dick but dick of all colors of the rainbow—so much so that you could call her an expert, and she hopes you will. Read more »

It’s cool– she’s here to read it to you. [VF]

As you may have heard, Charlie Gasparino’s latest book is out October 5. It’s called “Bought And Paid For: The Unholy Alliance Between Barack Obama and Wall Street.” As you may have also heard, Jimmy Cayne is a major fan of describing every one of his opponents as a homosexual. The former Bear Stearns CEO told William Cohan Tim Geithner was a glorified gay office clerk and he described the lawyer of an an investor who sued Bear Stearns in 1996 for negligence and a breach of fiduciary duty as “a 300-pound fag from Long Island,” who Cayne confronted in the bathroom of the courthouse, while he was taking a piss, by saying “Today you’re going to get your ass kicked, big” (the attorney ran out of the room, confirming JC’s suspicions he was a fairy boy). Where does “the unholy alliance between Barack Obama and Wall Street” and conservative Jimmy Cayne’s interest in what other men do with their dicks converge? In Charlie Gasparino’s fourth contribution to literature and understanding, of course. Read more »

If you are part of the on-air talent team at CNBC, you must write a book. It’s in the contract. The network knows the people want it and why deny the people the musings of these celebrated raconteurs? It’d border on criminal. David Faber and the Jabroni Pony’s tomes came out last year, Maria Bartiromo has done two in the last three months, we’re told Mark Haines is putting the finishing touches on his memoir, Let Me Tell You What I Really Think Of These People and the latest contribution to literature and understanding comes from Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. You may not know it but this woman has seen a lot in her years in the markets. The nightmare of ’73-’74; the joys of being at the ground floor when JWM was gearing up the boys at Solly; the coke-fueled days riding the Nasdaq like a Thai hooker during the late ’90s, then riding it down. She was cutting her teeth trading EM bonds when most of you were crapping yellow, so maybe consider taking a listen. Read more »

“Tim was organized and low-key, although given to occasional bursts of profanity and odd fits of giggling,” claims Steve Rattner in his new autobiography, which he also writes that JPMorgan vice-Chairman Jimmy Lee is something of a “crybaby” and describes Sheila Bair as a “small, trim woman about my age with brown hair, brown eyes, and an unsmiling, sour demeanor.” [NYP via DI]

Barclays Plc had no idea how big Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc.’s futures-and-options trading business was when it considered taking over the defunct bank’s derivatives trades at exchanges in 2008, a Barclays executive said. “Lehman’s books were in such a mess that I don’t think they knew where they were,” Elizabeth James, a director of Barclays’s futures business, testified today in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Manhattan. James worked on Barclays’s purchase of Lehman’s brokerage during the 2008 financial crisis. She said she received an e-mail from former Barclays trading executive Stephen King saying Lehman had “absolutely no idea” if it had sold $2 billion more options than it had bought, or whether it owned $4 billion more than it had sold. [Bloomberg via DI]

As you’re likely aware, there are a whole bunch of people who’ve been giving Lloyd Blankfein shit for the past year or so. Pissant members of Congress, peasants, PETA. They’ve been a bit of a nuisances but their impotent rage has been fairly easy to brush and in many cases laugh off. None of them are writing books about GS and most of them cannot claim to know that the firm’s founder, Marcus Goldman, or his son, Henry, would be pissed about how the place has “changed.” And then you have June Breton Fishe, great granddaughter and granddaughter of Marcus and Hank, respectively. She is writing a book on how much better things were when her relatives were running the place and she has a couple grievances to air with Mr. B. Such as, respect, or a lackthereof as indicated by this shit:

“The entryway on Goldman Sachs’s executive floor is hung with paintings of all the senior partners since the firm’s inception,” says June Breton Fisher. “I took a close look and finally asked, ‘Where’s my grandfather?’”

He wasn’t there. No portrait, no photograph, not even a snapshot recalled Henry Goldman, the founder’s son whose financial innovations created the modern banking business.

Oh, and do you want her opinion on “the current situation” over at 200 West (which I think we’re supposed to infer as “the state of Goldman being a criminal enterprise”)? No? Well you’re gonna get it anyway. Read more »

The reason a run-of-the-mill financial bust became a catastrophe, Mr Kaletsky claims in his book, was due largely to the stunning failures of one man: Henry Paulson, George Bush’s treasury secretary. In a passionate ad hominem attack, called “The Economic Consequences of Mr Paulson” (after Keynes’s 1925 pamphlet “The Economic Consequences of Mr Churchill”, a devastating critique of Sir Winston’s defence of the gold standard), Mr Kaletsky excoriates Mr Paulson, particularly his decision to allow the investment bank Lehman Brothers to fail. The hyperbole is spectacular. Mr Paulson, the book claims, came “closer to destroying capitalism than Marx, Lenin, Stalin and Mao Zedong combined.” [The Economist]