Brits

  • A first-year VP.

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    News

    25 Year Old Who Spent Six-Figures On Single Bottle Of Champagne Going Away For A While

    Attention, UK nightclub owners: put your bottle of bubbly on ice. Alex Pope, the Brit […]

    / Jan 30, 2015 at 4:40 PM
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    News

    Ex-BlackRock Exec Regrets £43,000 Commuting Scam, Will Never Work In This Town Again

    Remember Jonathan Burrows? Former senior executive at BlackRock in London? Saved himself a nice chunk […]

    / Dec 15, 2014 at 2:48 PM
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    Ex-BlackRock Exec Doesn’t Have To Explain His £43,000 Commuting Scam To You

    One of the more unglamorous aspects of being an adult with a job outside the […]

    / Aug 6, 2014 at 12:40 PM
  • england

    News

    Clawback Watch ’22: Britain’s Banks

    If you’re a banker working across the pond, get your underhanded schemes out of the […]

    / Jul 31, 2014 at 12:36 PM
  • News

    Where Does Manipulating Libor, Screwing Over Customers Rate On The Ha, HAHA, Hehehe, LOL Scale?

    Let’s ask a Lloyds Banking Group employee.

    / Jul 28, 2014 at 3:18 PM
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    News

    Monument To Hedge Fund Manager’s Love Of Chickens Nearly Complete

    Odey has upped the ante for poultry accommodation – he’s building a temple for his […]

    / May 23, 2014 at 8:45 AM
  • News

    Fifty-Nine Percent Of Bankers Think Their Colleagues Should Look In A Mirror Once In A While

    According to a poll by the Financial Times, over half of your colleagues have been […]

    / May 15, 2014 at 4:49 PM
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    News

    Layoffs Watch ’14: Barclays Is Gonna Need 12,000 Empty Boxes

    On the heels of the good news that Barclays would be increasing the bonus pool […]

    / Feb 11, 2014 at 1:15 PM
  • News

    Arresting Innocent People All Part Of UK Regulator’s Plan To Scare The Insider Trading Out Of Them

    Carl Linderum was getting ready for work one morning at his London home when he […]

    / Jan 6, 2014 at 1:03 PM
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    Former British Bank Chief Is Sorry About The Time He Bought Crystal Meth

    Paul Flowers, the former Co-operative bank chairman, has been suspended by the Labour Party as […]

    / Nov 19, 2013 at 5:08 PM
  • Bob-Diamond

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    News

    Layoffs Watch ’12: Some Barclays Senior Executives Want To Crank Things Up A Notch

    Earlier this month, it was reported that Barclays’ investment bank chief Rich Ricci was working on a little something called Project Mango,* which is similar to Bank of America’s Project New BAC in that one aspect of it involves firing a bunch of people, as part of a plan to revamp the unit. According to the Journal, management is now putting the finishing touches on Project M and all that is left to decide is whether cutting 2,000 IBD jobs is enough or if they should think bigger.

    / Dec 13, 2012 at 1:53 PM
  • News

    Bank Of England Wants To Pay Out Bonuses Over A 20 Year* Period

    Bankers’ pay needs to be curbed further to reflect the risk of a bank failure […]

    / Dec 4, 2012 at 8:33 PM
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    News

    Women Who Insider Traded On Shared Boyfriend’s Behalf Somehow Found Not Guilty

    Jessica Mang, who traded material non-public information based on tips obtained by her Mizuho investment banker boyfriend, Thomas Ammann, because he promised to take her on vacation afterward and also because she thought his entrusting her with such a high level task was a sign he wanted to get serious, was cleared by a jury today, as was Christina Weckwerth, Thomas Ammann’s other girlfriend/execution trader.

    / Nov 15, 2012 at 12:41 PM
  • 50shades freed

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    Husband’s Lack Of Interest In Recreating 50 Shades Of Grey Scenarios Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back For British Banker

    The couple is getting a quickie divorce that should be wrapped up shortly, if you know anyone both familiar with the plot lines and interested.

    The wife, a 41-year-old banker earning more than £400,000 a year, claims her husband’s ‘boring attitude’ to sex is evidence of ‘unreasonable behaviour’. In her grounds for divorce, filed at the High Court, she refers to the novel, which tells of the sadomasochistic affair between billionaire Christian Grey and naive student Anastasia Steele. The woman in the court case bought the raunchy book almost as soon as it was published last year and hoped it would encourage her husband to be more adventurous in bed. The wife’s solicitor, Amanda McAlister, a family law expert, believes the case is the first where the new phenomenon of ‘mummy porn’ has triggered a divorce. She said: ‘The woman had been reading the book and wanted to spice up her love life. ‘She thought their sex life had hit a rut – he never remembered Valentine’s Day and he never complimented her on her appearance. So she bought sexy underwear in an attempt to get her husband more involved. She said, “Let’s make things more interesting.” ‘But when he still didn’t take any notice she told him he had a boring attitude to sex and she was fed up. ‘He went ballistic when he found out the name of the book she was reading and told her, “It’s all because you have been reading that bloody book”.’

    The husband is admitting ‘unreasonable behaviour’ so the divorce can be granted quickly without a contested hearing in which his alleged low libido would be discussed in court.

    50 Shades of Divorce: Wife ‘inspired’ by erotic book says husband failed to meet her expectations [DM]
    Fifty Shades Of Grey Leads Woman To Divorce Her Husband [NYDN]

    / Nov 12, 2012 at 9:46 AM
  • News

    UK Hedge Fund Manager Sets Unreachably High Bar With Resplendent Private Residence For Chicken Friends

    Crispin Odey is the founder of Odey Asset Management, a sausage brand ambassador, and a guy who unwittingly made fellow hedge fund manager Philip Falcone’s life* a living hell when he pulled this stunt:

    …Odey has upped the ante for poultry accommodation – he’s building a temple for his chickens for which the stone alone costs £130,000. The Palladian-style chicken house, designed by Christopher Smallwood Architects, has won planning approval from the Forest of Dean District Council, and will sit on the hillside above Eastbach Court, Odey’s Grade II-listed home. The temple’s roof – adorned with an Anthemia statuette – will be fashioned in grey zinc; the pediments, cornice, architrave and frieze are in English oak; and the columns, pilasters and rusticated stone plinth are being hewn from finest grey Forest of Dean sandstone. Naturally, the doors will be painted in the Odey Asset Management founder’s favourite Hague Blue – “to match the doors around Eastbach Court”, according to the plans…“The temple will be a lovely place when it is finished at the end of the year,” Odey said from a grouse moor. “The chickens will be grand.”

    Nice for the chickens, but obviously this gesture makes Phil look like a deadbeat by comparison, as he merely allows his pet pig Wilbur to live in his apartment and has never even suggested getting her her own place. You can bet someone will be printing a copy of the article and placing it prominently on top of someone‘s morning paper, and god help that someone if he doesn’t get on the horn about building her the god damn Taj Mahal, ASAP.

    Crispin Odey’s chickens come home to (a luxury) roost [Telegraph via FT Alphaville]

    *And the lives of all deep-pocketed animal owners.

    / Sep 25, 2012 at 3:30 PM
  • News

    Financial Services Authority Had Doubts About This Bob Diamond Character Back In 2010

    The regulator didn’t specifically suspect anything re: propensity for manipulating Libor, just a general feeling it couldn’t necessarily trust the guy, which Barclays chairman Marcus Agius conceded was not entirely off base.

    On Wednesday a British parliamentary committee release an internal record from the Financial Services Authority dating back to September 2010. The note details a discussion between Barclays Chairman Marcus Agius and then FSA chief Hector Sants during the final stages of the regulatory approval process for Mr. Diamond’s promotion to CEO. In the note Mr. Sants said that Mr. Diamond had not reached “the level of openness, transparency and willingness to air issues with the FSA” of his predecessor. Mr. Agius agreed and said that the outgoing Barclays CEO John Varley would “coach” Mr. Diamond on the issue…During a meeting with lawmakers after Mr. Diamond’s resignation, Mr. Agius said that the Libor issue had not been raised by the FSA when it vetted the CEO.

    U.K. FSA Warned Barclays Over Diamond in 2010 [WSJ]

    / Sep 19, 2012 at 4:48 PM
  • News

    Deferring ‘Significant’ Amounts Of Compensation, Placing Caps On Bonuses Not Working Out So Well For Barclays

    Only in that senior people the bank worked hard to recruit are quitting en masse. Otherwise, it’s great.

    Barclays spent a decade assembling a team of the most successful gas and power traders in Europe. It took less than 16 months to lose most of them. Mercuria Energy Trading SA, based in Geneva, hired five members from the group of about a dozen from March 2011 to June this year, including Phil Sutterby as head of U.K. and European gas and Roger Jones, the former global chief of commodities, according to people with knowledge of the moves. Another six left for companies including UBS, Noble Group Ltd. and Freepoint Commodities LLC. The departures from the U.K.’s second-biggest bank reflect bonus caps, limits on the amount of money traders can risk and shrinking revenue from the division that includes commodities. While hiring from hedge funds and rival lenders helped Barclays catch up with Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley in commodity derivatives, according to Greenwich Associates, a focus on deferred pay left the bank vulnerable to headhunters.

    “The significant amount of deferred compensation and the aggressive cap on cash payouts at Barclays has unsettled a number of individuals,” said Peter Henry, New York-based head of front-office research at Commodity Search Partners. “Add to that the fact they have been systematically targeted by privately held trading houses, specifically Mercuria, and it’s fairly understandable why senior traders are leaving.”

    Bonus Limits Spark Exodus At Barclays Trading Unit [Bloomberg]

    / Aug 28, 2012 at 11:33 AM
  • News

    Repentant British Banks Forcing Clients To Transport Themselves To Olympics, Stay In What Is Basically The Equivalent Of Motel 6, Drink Olde English

    Time was, working on Wall Street meant going to great lengths to lavishly entertain clients whose business you wanted to win or keep. Client wanted to party on a yacht with forty Brazilian hookers? You made it happen. Client wanted Jay-Z to perform at his son’s Bar Mitzvah? You were on it. Client wanted you to manipulate Libor while simultaneously hand feeding him grapes? All you wanted to know was red or green.

    Whatever they wanted you delivered and then some and the best part was nobody said anything about it. Nobody  judged, nobody protested, nobody wondered if flying to Hyōgo Prefecture to personally slaughter a cow and bring it back with you in business class so the client’s dinner would be fresh was the best use of company money.  Then you nearly take down the global financial system and have to be bailed out by the government and all of a sudden it’s like people think they have the right to count your (or in the case of banks still partially owned by the UK, their) money.

    So you scale back the big outings. You make less of a spectacle. Should be enough to get ’em off your backs, only it’s never enough for these people. They’re not happy until you’re taking clients to Applebee’s and suggesting getting one appetizer and splitting an entrée, or inviting them to major international sporting events and then denying them black car service, putting them up in relative dumps, and making them drink malt liquor. Which is more or less what one bank is doing.

    The games are typically one of the biggest corporate schmoozefests on the calendar, with official sponsors and interlopers alike flashing the cash for the best tickets, best party venues and best celebrity guests. Many banks and other companies spent mightily four years ago in Beijing to show their clients a good time and increase their profile in China. This time around, banks are under pressure to cut costs and avoid displays of wealth that will further inflame an already angry public. What is more, the U.K.’s influence in the world isn’t what it used to be, and its economy, mired in recession, doesn’t exactly have the growth prospects of China’s. And antibanking sentiment here is still off the charts after several years of global financial turmoil.

    Lloyds is arguably in the trickiest position by virtue of its Olympic sponsorship. The [sponsorship] deal was struck in the heady window between the day London was awarded the games in 2005 and when the global financial crisis kicked into gear—and kicked Lloyds into trouble and, eventually, partial state ownership.

    One of the main points of such deals is the ability to strut with clients around the Olympic Park—something the bank is largely keeping in check. For one thing, Lloyds didn’t buy all of the several thousand tickets allocated to it in the original agreement. And being invited to the games by Lloyds isn’t exactly a luxe affair. The bank said “the majority of our guests will travel to and from Olympic venues on public transport.” Lloyds also says it won’t offer guests transfers to and from airports, and will in some cases put them up at three- or four-star hotels—a contrast to the five-star accommodations frequently used in bank hospitality events. Lloyds has also put the kibosh on Champagne.

    Happy now?

    Hold the Bubbly: London Financiers Keep Low Profile at Olympics [WSJ]

    / Aug 3, 2012 at 1:58 PM
  • News

    Does The British Business Lady Who Just Felt Really Passionately About Her Clients Having Drinks, Cigarettes, And Pet Names Deserve A Second Chance?

    Gang, something’s come up in across the pond that needs our immediate attention. I’ll get right to it: at issue is whether or not “high powered financial adviser” Amanda Daughters should be allowed to have her job back at Aqua Financial Solutions, the firm she founded and was fired from by the chairman a couple years back. She’s currently appealing the decision but ahead of hearing what an employment tribunal has to say, why not give Daughters a trial by jury of her peers? Here’s the rub:

    On January 22, 2010, Daughters left the office to sit down with a couple clients at an off-site meeting place (a bar). Naturally, she got there a few (4) hours early to have a bunch (12*) of drinks. So far, so good. When the clients arrived, one ordered a “spritzer,” which was not to Daughters’ liking, which would explain why she proceeded to “berate” the woman to the point of tears. Then Daughters had a few more drinks. At this point, things apparently got “hazy” for AD who, while she can’t recall much, remembers thinking that making the client cry was “not unduly serious,” as the woman accepted her apology. Then Daughters had a few more drinks. Around this time, she “dragged the other client outside to have a cigarette, even though he was a non-smoker” and called him a cunt (which despite her obviously having meant as a joke was received as “shocking and offensive”). Forty** drinks later, Daughters took herself home and despite being more or less black out drunk, had this weird feeling she’d done something she’d be embarrassed about the next day and called up hr chairwoman to let her know she’d “fucked up again and offended a client.” Having been there before, Daughters also sent an email to the client the following morning to say “I hope you can forgive me.”

    Unfortunately, the client and the chairwoman couldn’t, which resulted in Daughters’s firing for “gross misconduct.” And while Big D realizes maybe she should have done a few things differently, she’s not in agreement a few drinks, a few tears, and a few “you’re a cunt”s are necessarily grounds for dismissal.

    So! Does this lady deserve her job back? On the one hand, perhaps downing 75 drinks prior to and over the course of a client meeting is not the most professional way of conducting business. Okay. That’s fair. On the other, she clearly possesses the type of self-awareness any employer would pay good money to have on staff, as evidenced by the “fucked again” call. Please weigh in now.

    Businesswoman sacked after complaining client drank spritzers [Telegraph]
    *Guessing.
    *Ball park.

    / Mar 22, 2012 at 3:01 PM
  • katrinadarlingbarclays

    News

    And Where Exactly Is The Support For Barclays Employee Nadine Who Moonlights On Weekends As A 4H Judge?

    Katrina Darling…who still holds down a banking job at Barclays in London, will make her […]

    / Feb 28, 2012 at 5:03 PM
  • News

    “Another Guy In A Chicken Suit Spotted At RBS”

    Why have there been multiple instances of guys dressed up as chickens descending on RBS’s […]

    / Feb 6, 2012 at 8:32 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’12: RBS Makes Sure Stephen Hester Isn’t Thinking Of Going Anywhere

    The Queen did want to acknowledge all the work he’s done, though, so she threw […]

    / Jan 26, 2012 at 5:34 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: RBS

    Apparently the Queen has had to let some people go.

    / Aug 19, 2011 at 1:17 PM
  • News

    15 Year Old Excel Champ Thinks It’s Cute You Can Data Sort Multiple Columns

    Rebecca Rickwood is a 15 year-old girl living in the UK whose name should make […]

    / Aug 4, 2011 at 4:11 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: BarCap (Again)

    Apparently they didn’t quite finish the other day.

    / Jun 9, 2011 at 1:10 PM