business cards

As many of you will recall, back in 2008, then Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis agreed to buy Merrill Lynch. While it wasn’t a Countrywide-level disaster of an acquisition (i.e. a bomb that’s never stopped going off), it wasn’t Lewis’s best laid plan, which is why he actually tried to get out of the deal at the 11th hour, only to be told by former Fed Chair Hank Paulson that if he wanted to keep his legs, he’d go through with it. The merger didn’t sit right with a large contingent of Merrill brokers, but they chose to go along with it for the greater good. Still, they made a solemn swear to each other that they’d fight even the smallest perceived slight to their brand and five plus years after the deal went through, they’ve kept their word. Read more »

That is: keep your business cards out of the reach of said enemies and/or anyone you suspect might have a skill for drawing freehand penises. Read more »

If you’re going to organize gang bangs in hotel rooms, you might not want to make business cards and a website advertising it. That’s how Scott Pollock got busted, after a manager at the Quality Inn near the Mall of America found the business card for “Scott, Gang Bang Organizer” of “Scotty GB Parties” in his parking lot. The manager plugged in the group email listed on the card, and saw that his motel’s address, with a room number, was listed for that night, along with information about the woman involved — “Wendy” — and a suggested $20 donation for participants. The manager called the police to kick the gang-bangers out. When they got there, just before 4 a.m., the officers walked into a full-on gang bang. Pollock asked the cops for $20 at the door, reports the criminal complaint. After they turned it over, they observed four people in the hotel room, and three more, including Wendy, having sex. There was “an ice bucket about half full of condoms” on the bed and a counter on a table, displaying the number 31. The party, Pollock told the cops, was for Wendy’s 45th birthday, and the counter was there because she wanted to celebrate by having sex with 45 guys. The Bloomington officers arrested Pollock, who was carrying $430 in cash, as well as Wendy, who confirmed to the officers that she was a willing participant, and that Pollock didn’t hire or pay her. Pollock was later charged with a felony count of solicitation, inducement, and promotion of prostitution. Pollock, though, disagreed. In a motion to dismiss his case, he argued that gang bang parties between consenting adults aren’t illegal, and that he wasn’t involved in prostitution at all. Though he was collecting money at the door, the fee wasn’t to participate, he says; it was simply a voluntary donation to offset the costs of the party. [CityPages via Gawker]

Click For Larger ImageLast week, former Bear Stearns hedge fund manager Matthew Tannin found himself sitting in a Brooklyn jail cell, charged with defrauding investors in a collapsed hedge fund. The University of San Francisco law school graduate was quickly released on bail, of course. And friends say he’s been pouring his energies into training for a triathlon.
But things are looking up! On Sunday, someone put his Bear Stearns business card up for auction on Ebay. After an initial price of just 99 cents, the card was quickly bid up to twenty dollars. The top bid is now $20.50. Bidding is set to close on Friday. The card lists Tannin’s employer as “Bear Stearns High-Grade Structured Credit Strategies, LP”–the now infamously awkward name of the hedge fund he warned his boss, Ralph Cioffi, would collapse even as they continued to ensure investors of its health. Presumably Tannin’s got loads of these things in his desk drawers, so perhaps by selectively releasing them he can raise money to cover part of his legal expenses.