There’s not a lot of time, so we’ll get right to it:
From: redacted at Stanford GSB
Date: Tue, Apr 9, 2013 at 2:02 PM
Subject: [blastmsg] Dove Rescue Mission (Schwab Lobby)
To: “GSB-Blast-All”
business school
Maspeth Institute Of Auto-Body Shop Management And Cosmetology Readies Accreditation Application
By Jon Shazar
B-schools run from basement apartments need no longer aspire to be Wharton simply to join Wharton’s club. Just show how “innovative” and “engaged” you are in your “individual mission” and you, too, could be an AACSB-accredited institution. Read more »
Business School Applicants Having None Of This “Show Us You Can Speak Without Paying A Consultant $500 To Show You How” Crap
By Bess Levin
After years of receiving scripted answers to questions from would-be business school students re: why they want to go to Harvard/Wharton/Stanford/Sloan or what they think of a company’s earnings potential or where they see themselves in five to ten years or what they ate for breakfast, admissions officers have lately been taking a new tack in an attempt to see the “real” side of applicants. Hoping to get a little “unrehearsed honesty” and insight into who these people really are, prospective students are being asked to submit “reflections” (“a short, off-the-cut note that must be submitted within 24 hours of an admissions interview”) and take part in “team-based discussions,” for which they’re told to “relax, be genuine,” not worry about giving the “right” answer, and just say what they really think, rather than what a coach told them to say they think. Unfortunately, Harvard and Wharton officials apparently have no idea who they’re dealing with here. You can’t make future b-school students relax and be genuine! You can’t! You won’t! Read more »
The D’Amore-McKim School of Business has accepted Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York and Bikini Book fame. She’ll be commuting via the internet. Read more »
Harvard Business School Alum Has A 4-Point Plan For Fixing The Election Process In The United States
By Bess Levin
On November 6, 2012, as the results of the presidential election rolled in, a member of the Harvard Business School Class of 2010 considered ending it all. “The thought crossed my mind to jump off my penthouse apartment balcony,” he wrote his fellow classmates yesterday. Sure, he had a lot to live for: friends, family, the earthly delights afforded to him by living in Southern California (“surfing, mountains, 78 degree sunshine, and hot babes everywhere”), as well as a new company and all that came with it (relationships with celebrities that straddle the line between “friend and service provider,” as well as invites to “the VMAs and private concerts in Vegas”). But he also had a lot of reasons to be good and angry at the world, including but not limited to: the state of California being “filled with so many hippie liberals” he just might snap and in doing so “choke out a street bum,” people who “sit around with their hand out and expect to be fed,” and, most vexingly, the reelection of Barack Obama.
And while he did not in fact end up leaping from his penthouse balcony apartment that night, make no mistake, he was and is exceedingly pissed about the direction this country is going, which is due south on the Pacific Coast Highway right straight to hell. So instead, he went to bed, got up, sat down at his computer and channeled his anger into something productive: a list of suggestions for how we can get America back on track and in four years, wrest it from the hands of the people holding it hostage, like forcing candidates to use bullet points and telling the commies who don’t believe in capitalism to pack their shit because in 20 minutes they’re going to be blindfolded and stuffed into the back of a Ford Econoline van with all the other non-contributing zeroes who don’t understand how much of a privilege it is to live in the greatest country in the world and shipped off to a place where their views will be tolerated, only then finding out what it’s really like to suffer and perhaps finally understand how they’ve destroyed the United States of America with their leftist, hippie, commie/socialist/teat sucking agendas.
First, though, some life updates, because it really has been too long. Read more »
It’s finals time, folks! In undergrad, this meant camping out in the 24-hour library, not showering, ingesting solely caffeine and mozzarella sticks, sleeping less than four hours, arriving exam day in the ultimate defeatist attire (college hoodie and pajama pants). In business school, finals time means … hmm some light stretching, a hearty yaaaaaaaaawn from sleeping too well, award-winning hygiene, a variety of frosty beverages, and a manicure an hour before my toughest exam. I’d like to say it’s because I’m older, wiser, and better at time management, but (1) I’m a poor liar and (2) really, it’s because my many years have confirmed that looks matter more than grades.
In a similar spirit, my only other conclusions about life in business school follow. Here are few thoughts and theories I wish I had cleared up before starting, based on what prospective and newly admitted students seem to ask most often. Read more »
US News has regaled us with its annual ranking of the top business schools. I know you need a safe space to get huffy about perceived slights (be it your MBA program being lower than you believe is accurate or by having to suffer the indignity of an inferior institution being too close on the list), so let it out here and now. (Tomorrow Matt will lead us in a rousing discussion over the best CFA test prep classes.)
101. Rollins College (Crummer)
[...]
25. Ohio State University (Fisher)
24. Georgetown University (McDonough)
23. Indiana University–Bloomington (Kelley)
22. Washington University in St. Louis (Olin)
21. University of Southern California (Marshall)
19. University of North Carolina–Chapel Hill (Kenan-Flagler)
19. Emory University (Goizueta)
18. Carnegie Mellon University (Tepper)
17. University of Texas–Austin (McCombs)
16. Cornell University (Johnson)
15. University of California–Los Angeles (Anderson)
13. University of Virginia (Darden)
13. University of Michigan–Ann Arbor (Ross)
12. Duke University (Fuqua)
11. New York University (Stern) Read more »
Today we introduce you to the all-stars of my MBA program and yours. We seek only the top tier of characters that can singularly steal the show (and maybe $1.2 billion dollars in segregated customer funds on the side).
The Questions Guy - The guy that everyone loves to hate. In any setting — be it the classroom, company-sponsored information session, or networking circle — The Questions Guy always has something to say. And while it technically always ends with a question mark, we understand the sentence to have the primary purpose of demonstrating some deeper knowledge of the material at hand. Sometimes these “questions” are insightful; however most times, we blame him for wasting classroom time, stealing our thunder, or dumbing everyone down with his trifling. We envy the fact that he’s clearly getting his money’s worth of his tuition … and ours.
The Open Mouth Learner - Formerly some kind of nonprofit hero, the Open Mouth Learner’s jaw dropped with his first exposure to supply/demand curves, and he has remained captivated ever since. He brings up his non-traditional background at every opportunity, even if totally irrelevant to the conversation at hand. Professionally, he drops the phrase “non-traditional background” assertively in introductions, in order to ask questions in finance networking circles. At school, he drops the phrase defensively, in order to shirk the number-crunching parts of group assignments. The Open Mouth Learner is quietly both ashamed and proud of the fact that he has gotten through life this far without ever learning fractions. Read more »
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business school
Dealbreaker’s Business School Correspondent Learns A Lesson In Compelling Correspondence
By Dealbreaker Business School Bureau ChiefDealbreaker’s Business School Bureau Chief is a full-time MBA student at Chicago Booth. Upon graduation, she plans to go back into the same industry and job function as she held before school, and as a result, some observers have questioned the need for her business school education. Though there are occasional moments when she, too, ponders the MBA, our Business School Bureau Chief is bent on proving its worth.
During first-year orientation last year, we had a special 90-minute session on “Compelling Correspondence” or How to Communicate via the Written Word Without Sounding Like a Douchebag. I took the lecture and feedback session in stride, thinking, “What moron would forget to spell-check and do a final read-through?”
A couple of weeks later, I realized my ego was writing checks my body couldn’t cash. I submitted a resume with the following header – in both soft and hard copy – to a Very Important Firm: Read more »
Regular Dealbreaker readers know that we spend a lot of time around these parts having the CFA v. MBA debate. Which is most beneficial? Which is worth your time? Which has the highest NPV? Today brings a point in favor of the b-school track, courtesy of Columbia. While business school may offer more opportunities to get drunk, sleep with your fellow students, and take a break from the working world, it costs considerably more money than CFA books, requires you to go to class if you care about grades, and causes a considerable amount stress vis-à-vis going on interview and impressing potential employers. But what if we told you that there was a way to go to business school and not have to worry about all that? Would that be something you’d be interested? Would it tip the scales toward MBA in your mind? Enter, the Sponsored Student designation, wherein one’s employer pays for their schooling and keeps a job lined up for them at the end. A wildcard, if you will, in the CFA v. MBA debate. According to an informational video put together by a group of Columbia students, as a Sponsored, looking porn in class will be your “smallest transgression” (on the rare occasions you go to class), “drawing a picture of [your] dick” will be an acceptable answer on a leadership final, and “deep-diving” in someone else’s girl will count as your core competency. Let’s learn more. Read more »
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business school
Stern B-School Students Offered Second Chance At Once In A Lifetime Opportunity
By Bess Levin
Having said that, the chance to soak up the market moving insight of a one Professor $Honey will not last. Read more »
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