Carlyle Group

Would not be caught dead in that warehouse of mediocrity on the UES.The Carlyle Group co-founder is a man of refinement and taste who is more or less single-handedly preserving America’s cultural heritage, such as it is. But assuming Warren Buffett’s glittering eyes were pointed in his direction when he compared Berkshire Hathaway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and others as “porn shop owners” who will slap a pair of bigger tits on a painting before selling it to the first guy in a raincoat to come along, Rubenstein isn’t having it, and said as much yesterday. If Berkshire Hathaway’s a big fancy museum on Fifth Avenue, then private equity firms—any, apparently—are an even bigger, fancier museum! A former royal palace! In Paris! Read more »

This may be a miscalculation. Read more »

Bonus Watch ’13: Carlyle Group Co-Founders

William Conway was handsomely rewarded for having quantitatively more faith in his firm’s products than David Rubenstein and Daniel D’Aniello combined. Read more »

  • 24 Jan 2014 at 2:49 PM
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The Political Science Majors Shall Inherit The Earth

Or Wall Street, at least: So sayeth Duke poli. sci. alum David Rubenstein, who is apparently bored to tears by all of you Wharton B.S.s and math majors, what with your inability to think critically or quote Rousseau. Read more »

Add a copy of a 237-year-old newspaper to the precious historical documents to be pried from the Carlyle Group CEO’s cold, dead hands. Read more »

Whatever.

If you had John Stumpf in the office “highest-paid U.S. bank CEO for 2012″ pool, congratulations. Read more »

“Hedge funds and private equity funds are secretive pools of capital blah blah blah,” people always say, and there’s some truth to that. But it’s partly true partly because a certain discretion is required by law. Banging on publicly about how awesome your hedge fund is could be taken as a “general solicitation” for investors, which was (and still is!) verboten, though nobody at CNBC takes that risk particularly seriously. But now that’s changing, sort of, sometime, with the JOBS Act, which will eventually allow hedge funds and private equity funds to advertise to the many though still only sell to the few.

Carlyle Group is now selling to the slightly-more-few via a Central Park Advisers feeder fund called CPG Carlyle Private Equity Fund, with a minimum of just $50,000. In keeping with no-general-solicitation rules, the Confidential Memorandum describing the CPGCPEF “is intended solely for the use of the person to whom it has been delivered for the purpose of evaluating a possible investment by the recipient in the Units of the Fund described herein, and is not to be reproduced or distributed to any other persons,” but it is also filed with the SEC. It’s super secret! It’s only available to anyone with a computer!

The memo, and today’s Journal article about the Central Park fund, are fascinating reading. But also so, so sad. Here’s the Journal: Read more »

  • 12 Jul 2012 at 12:48 PM

Bill Gross Is Not The Only One Who Feels Fat

Are your pants getting a little tight? Have you become convinced mirrors have a personal vendetta against you? Are you too distracted by the rolls spilling over your belt to trade? Do you find yourself veering off course in your letters to investors to talk about your love handles? Is it only a matter of time before you lose your firm billions and/or take down the entire market because your fingers are so big they span four keys each on the keyboard?

Do you want to do something about it but are repulsed by the idea of healthy eating and exercise and also know yourself well enough to realize that there is no way you’re going to be able to stay strong if everyone around you is eating solid food at lunch and sooner or later you, a usually pretty mild-mannered guy, will be leaping across a row of Bloomberg terminals and threatening to kill a coworker (and meaning it) unless he hands over Ho Ho now? Then round up your similarly tubby colleagues and tell them they’re in for a real treat. Read more »