FYI. Read more »

In its latest corporate confession, the nation’s biggest bank disclosed that it’s facing more than a dozen civil and criminal investigations into its virtually every aspect of its business. Beyond the infamous “London Whale” debacle, the bank is also being investigated over mortgage-bond sales, improper foreclosure practices, interest-rate rigging and power market manipulation, according to JPMorgan’s latest quarterly filing with regulators. Although the bank didn’t reveal any new investigations, taken together they underscore the multitude of legal and regulatory challenges confronting JPMorgan boss Jamie Dimon. Indeed, earlier this month JPMorgan took the unusual step of disclosing that it had set aside a whopping $23 billion to tackle potential legal problems…Despite the wide-ranging issues, JPMorgan officials believe the bank is finally making headway on its raft of legal and regulatory woes after years of wrangling, according to sources. [NYP]

May 2010, Structured Portfolio Management founder Don Brownstein is said to “walk around [a] crowded conference room table while slapping the palm of his hand with a baseball bat, stopping behind [a trader] while stating, ‘I’ll kill you if you leave. The only way you can leave this firm is in a body bag.'” January 2012, Millenium Laboratories really cranks things up a notch re: suggestion of what fate will befall people who attempt to leave their company: Read more »

Sleeping with prostitutes is legal in France if the girls are over 18 but some warn Mr Strauss-Kahn could face charges if the case expands to cover graft or procuring. The 10 French or Belgian women to whom police traced calls to Mr Strauss-Kahn, all claim to have had paid sex with him while he was IMF chief right up to his arrest last May on charges he tried to rape a New York hotel chambermaid. But in an intriguing line of defence, Mr Strauss-Kahn’s lawyer Henri Leclerc said his client could have been “totally unaware” that the women he met in swinger sessions were prostitutes. “At these parties, people were not necessarily dressed, and I defy you to tell the difference between a naked prostitute and any other naked woman,” he said. [Telegraph]

Deutsche Bank said Monday that the bank’s Chief Executive Josef Ackermann won’t take over as chairman of the supervisory board when he steps down in May, and it is proposing Allianz SE financial chief Paul Achleitner for the position instead. Citing “extremely challenging” conditions on the international financial markets and in the political-regulatory environment,” Mr. Ackermann said he must focus on his tasks as CEO right now, according to a statement from the bank. This means he can’t spend time seeking the support of shareholders for his bid to be supervisory board chairman. Supervisory board candidates need the support of 25% of the shareholders to be elected. A person familiar with the matter told Dow Jones Newswires that Mr. Ackermann didn’t have the time do the necessary lobbying and couldn’t win their backing. Another person familiar with the matter said: “It became obvious that Ackermann couldn’t secure this.” [WSJ]

Dick Bové Has A Message For Bloomberg BusinessWeek

The short version: “I challenge you to a duel.”

The long version:

Spoiler alert: Bové doesn’t believe BBW has the balls to respond to him. Read more »

In a few short weeks, many financial services employees will begin the soul-crushing, life-sucking process of studying for Level I CFA exam given in December. So you that you don’t look back and realize you wasted 4+ months of your time on earth, most of you are probably hoping to pass. And sure, that’s a good goal. Cute, even. But if you want to really make a name for yourself and not be had by a would-be lawyer, you’re going to have to do better than that. Like going into labor during the exam better. Read more »

Last Friday, the Federal Reserve gave Goldman Sachs the greenlight to buy back the $5 billion of preferred stock Berkshire Hathaway bought when things got dicey in 2008. Though he knew the day was coming, Buffett was not looking forward to the news, as the terms of the investment were highly favorable for the Oracle of O, netting him more than $15 dollars a second. Over the weekend Buffett confirmed his displeasure and sent a message to Lloyd and Co that if they want their preferred shares back they’re gonna have to find him first, which will prove difficult, as he’s decided to take a page from from Osama bin Laden’s playbook. Read more »