Things just fall through the cracks sometimes. They had a lot going on that day. Read more »
Citi To Pay SEC $75 Mill Over Forgetting To Tell Investors This, Like, Minor Li’l Thing Of Practically No SignificanceBy Bess Levin
One junior rainmaker anticipating good things to come? Read more »
If Anyone Wants To Talk About What It Felt Like To Preside Over The Financial Crisis, Kevin Spacey’s Here For YaBy Bess Levin
To research his role in Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, Shia LaBeouf spent a good deal of time at John Thomas Financial, an Encino branch of Charles Schwab and Goldman Sachs. It was there he learned how to stick $20,000 in an online brokerage account and turn it into $450,00-ish in a matter of months, wow the shit out of Lloyd Blankfein in the 47th round of interviews, and insider tips for passing Level I of the CFA. You know what he never did? Ask any of the guys he was shadowing about their feelings. Same goes for Penn Badgely, who spent some time on the Citi trading floor to prep for his role as a junior analyst in Margin Call (where he learned that “young traders sport ‘nice clothes that were not terribly tailored’ and that that the term ‘bucks’ means millions”). That’s because these two whippersnappers only care about the surface. They’re not interested in drilling down to the person underneath that suit and the fifties still stuck to your ass from the weekend. One guy who is? Kevin Spacey. He cares, deeply.
“I am trying to humanize bankers,” said Kevin Spacey, the Academy Award-winning actor, who plays a senior trader in Margin Call. “Everyone talks about facts, figures and debt. I was more interested in what they were feeling.”
If you feel the need to tell the guy who sits next to you that you’re for real going to fucking kill him, do it in the men’s room. In that same vein, smart aleck comment such as “Oh yeah, I really wanna do you, Vikram,” when what you really mean is “not with Alwaleed’s dick,” should be deployed to his face. Read more »
I mean, where to start? They’ve got some freaky ass rules in place that say their CEO to build the $10 million Zen Garden of his dreams, you’re not allowed to catch BJ’s on the company jet, and, most offensively, you can’t even have a discussion about putting a whiteboard marker in your underling’s ass over email. Strictly vis-a-vis financial reform, though, Citi’s only problem is that it’s not Goldman Sachs. Read more »
It’s been relatively quiet on the Debrahlee Lorezana front the past week but for some reason– I don’t know, maybe something happened over the weekend that just made Vickles snap and decide he’d had it with this chick– the bank has just put out the following statement re: T’s on an S: Read more »
The castle-dweller, who Citi got rid of last year after the public got its panties in a bunch over his $100 million bonus and Vikram found himself between a rock and a hard place (that place being the US government’s steel-toed boot, just grazing his rectum), informed clients that the fund did everything right, just not right enough.
“Unfortunately, we did not dodge the onslaught,” Mr. Hall, 59 years old, wrote in a June 1 letter to his investors. “We did reduce risk but not fast enough. We did hedge but not well enough. And we did re-enter some markets that we had exited, prematurely, as it turned out.” His commodities fund posted a decline of more than 10% last month, its weakest month in the last two years, to put it down nearly 10% this year through May, which is behind similar hedge funds. Mr. Hall was bullish as shares of commodity producers and other energy investments declined.
Before he was canned for being too well-versed in BDSM for his own good, Jack Tuckner, the lawyer representing Debrahlee Lorezana had an idea. An idea for his client to come to his office and do an photo-shoot meant to demonstrate the fact that she is a serious business woman, and one whose ass and breasts, while they may be rockin’ and scorching, respectively, do not distract from the matter at hand. Over the weekend, T’s on an S added a few more pieces of evidence to her portfolio (in this case, a Facebook album entitled “Random Pics”). Those of you who heeded our suggestion to start following Debs on Twitter almost two weeks ago may have already taken a gander. For the rest of you, let’s have a looksee. Read more »
Time was, if you worked at Citi, one of the “perks” of the job was that you could let loose over email in ways other banks had already put the kibosh on. The big C may not pay the most, it may offer little to no prestige, and it definitely lost some fans when the “no catching a beej on the corporate jet” rule was enforced but inappropriate emails? Oh, that was something employees hung onto with pride. You wanted to have a rousing discussion about the best stall in which to JO&C? The mood struck Vikram to have a back and forth with Prince Alwaleed about a certain naughty hawk? Someone was wondering about the physics behind inserting a whiteboard marker in an underling’s rectum? You found yourself dialoguing about Lenny Dykstra about setting up a time for your call and things suddenly got…weird? That was okay!
No longer. Because someone presumably took things a little too far (best guesses as to who ruined it for everyone welcome), Citi is putting its foot down. As employees have until July 17 to lock it up, we suggest making the most of the next 26 days.
From: Compliance Training
Sent: Thursday, June 17, 2010 6:00 PM
To: Citi Employees
Subject: URGENT TRAINING REQUEST FROM CYNTHIA ARMINE, CHIEF COMPLIANCE OFFICER
*** PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS EMAIL ***
Recent headlines involving inappropriate e-mails are an important reminder to “think before writing, read before sending” lessons of the past scandals affecting the financial services business. To this end, employees are required to take a ten minute online training program titled Improper Electronic Communications briefing the do’s and don’ts of electronic communications.
They may have thrown a banker out on her rockin’ ass for being too damn hot but you know what? Citi has a heart. Whereas other firms will not hesitate to foreclose on people who aren’t even in default and then go the extra mile by stealing the homeowner’s beloved pet, the House of Vikram has decided to show some compassion. They’re pumping the brakes on foreclosing on people in areas close to the little slip up by BP, which you must admit was big of them.