Citi

  • 16 Jun 2010 at 12:28 PM

The Defense Of “Too Hot For Citi” Chick We’ll Never Get To Hear

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As previously mentioned, Debrahlee “I want to be tits on a stick” Lorenzana has fired her original attorney, Jack Tuckner on the “too hot for Citi” case. This may have been a mistake. As you know, one of the complaints made by Lorenzana is that her bosses told her she needed to wear dumpier clothes in an effort to not draw attention to her sweet ass and surgically enhanced cans. Specifically, Lorenzana says that she was told not to wear pencil skirts or stilettos. And while Tuckner may be the creepiest lawyer of all time, it turns out he has deep knowledge of this sort of footwear (and the other accoutrement that might fill out the ensemble), and how its presence in the corporate world can only enhance business, such as when a stilleto  is shoved up one’s ass. I’m not sure Lorenzana was aware of this information at the time she sacked Jack, who may have been her best shot at winning this thing.

In June 2008, Manhattan women’s-rights lawyer Tuckner was sued by his former office manager, Lisa Brockington, who claimed in court papers that he watched porn at his desk and wore a “slave” collar at work. Her suit called him a “self-described ‘testosterone-poisoned’ attorney with a penchant for bondage and sadomasochism who demeaned . . . the women who worked for him.”

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  • 15 Jun 2010 at 1:06 PM

Citi Takes The Gloves Off On Debrahlee Lorenzana Case

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Since the Debrahlee “Too Hot For Citi” Lorenzana story has come out– which has included soft-core porn spreads, morning show appearances, and allegations that DL was canned because her presence distracted her male colleagues, who supposedly couldn’t work in her presence because their “penises were standing up”– Citi has had to keep its thoughts on the matter relatively brief. They still have to go to arbitration with this lady and Jamie Dimon and his firm are the only ones allowed to tell a woman to “zip it, Toots” without taking any heat. So while we’ve heard lots of “this case is without merit,” and so on an so forth, we’ve yet to have Citi tell us how they really feel, re: the girl who dreamed of being “Tits on a Stick.” Today that ends, with a spokeswoman for the bank offering that in her opinion, this chick is not that hot.

Citibank rep Natalie Riper [noted], “Just because she’s saying she was too hot doesn’t mean it’s so.”

Tomorrow, Vikram Pandit’s “brutal truth” on the bazonkas in question. Not to be missed.

Bill Ackman Breaks Himself Off A Piece Of Citi

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According to Pershing Square Q1 letter, released last night. For those of you keeping up at home, this is remarkable progress. Most investors had serious money riding on this coming out circa September 1. Unfortunately, this meant the missive was a tad light on the jokes and filled with a little less of the emotion we’ve come to expect of William’s all-nighters but the heart is still there. One Love (/stock). Read more »

  • 07 Jun 2010 at 10:45 AM

Jamie Dimon Would Like “Too Hot For Citi” Chick To Put A Sock In It

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Last Wednesday (really, it was just last Wednesday), the world was introduced to Debrahlee Lorenzana, the woman claiming she was fired from her job as a “business banker” at Citi for being too hot. Her former employer allegedly told her to tone down said hotness by wearing clothes that didn’t highlight what her lawyer, Jack Tuckner, has probably said at some point are her “sweet tits and rockin’ ass.” Lorenzana refused, citing heritage. “Where I’m from,” she said, “women dress up—like put on makeup and do their nails—to go to the supermarket. And I’m not talking trashy, you know, like in the Heights. I was raised very Latin, you know? We’re feminine. A woman in Puerto Rico takes care of herself. The Puerto Rican women here put down our flag.” She was ultimately transferred to another branch (by her request) and soon after fired.

Whereas other attorneys and their clients might have chosen to settle this sort of thing quietly, such is not Debs and Tuckner’s style. They went with the soft-core spread in the Village Voice, which included various shots of Lorenzana around “the office” in order to demonstrate she was appropriately attired at all times. They’ve done the rounds at the Post, the Daily News and the Nightly News. They’ve also offered statements like “Debrahlee Lorenzana would be very attractive in a burka” and “I’m not going to go eat and gain 50 or 100 pounds because my job wants me to be the same size as everyone else,” in addition to rounding up a bunch of one-time customers of Debs to say stuff like, “Whew, she was a hot one” and “Yes, she ‘distracted’ me, if ya know what I mean.” It’s unclear how these exercises and testimonials might help Lorenzana actually win her case, but they have been fun! One person, however, has had enough. His name is James Dimon and like the (really hot) dad who comes into the room to put his foot down when everyone’s gotten out of control, JD has supposedly communicated to “Toots over here” that he’s had enough.

Debrahlee Lorenzana filed a lawsuit saying she was booted from her job at Citibank for being too sexy in her work clothes, and now says she faces the firing line again from her bosses at Chase for sullying the reputation of the financial industry.The Queens stunner said she was told that if she went ahead with scheduled television interviews today to talk about her suit, she’d once again be without a job.

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  • 04 Jun 2010 at 10:34 AM

Totally Random, Not Monetarily Compensated People Weigh In On The “Too Hot For Citi” Chick

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Hey hey hey! Look what we have here– it’s a bunch of random Citi customers who apparently remember Debrahlee Lorenzana and have graciously offered to weigh in on the situation, offering quotes that, though they may not help her case against Citi, might certainly attract the attention of certain organizations who require their employees to be “distractingly hot,” not that that’s what Debs and the lawyer who made her do a photoshoot that showed her in work appropriate clothing such as the ensemble at left are angling for whatsoever! Here’s what the character witnesses had to say:

* “I would walk the extra few blocks just to go to this one to see her,” said publicist Matt Saulk, 36, who favored the Rockefeller Center branch where Lorenzana worked over one on W. 52nd St. “I would think Citibank would want employees like her – it brings in the customers.” Read more »

  • 03 Jun 2010 at 1:52 PM

Woman Who Was Fired From Citi For Being “Too Hot” And Her Lawyer Have A Couple More Points To Make (Update: Citi Has Something Else To Say As Well)

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Point number one, as a message to future employers considering requesting that Debs bring her hotness level down to the level of the rest of the office, she’d like to get it out there: “I’m not going to go eat and gain 50 or 100 pounds because my job wants me to be the same size as everyone else.” And point number two, from Lorenzana’s lawyer Jack Tuckner, (the guy who argued yesterday that asking his client not to be so hot because it was a distraction from work “is like saying, ‘we can’t think anymore ’cause our penises are standing up’,” and who was also the one who came up with the idea to have her pose in a bunch of outfits and positions, such as the one at left, to prove there was nothing inappropriate about her sartorial picks) is simply this: Read more »

  • 27 May 2010 at 4:20 PM

Vikram Gets In On The Action

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From the mailbag: “2 analysts at Citi were iced. No pics but let’s give them a hand for stepping up to the plate.”

Related: Goldman Sachs Not Only Wall Street Firm To Get In On Icing Phenom

  • 27 May 2010 at 2:38 PM

Cramer: Get Yourself A Piece Of Citi ASAP

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Faster, Vikram wants a pony!

  • 25 May 2010 at 5:00 PM

Get Thee To The Citi Cafeteria

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…where they’re engraving flasks, $10/pop. One of Uncle Vik’s many little ideas for up the joint. Read more »

  • 24 May 2010 at 12:45 PM
  • MBAs

Jamie Dimon, Lloyd Blankfein Moving Up In The (MBA) World

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You like him! You really like him! Kind of!

The president may not appreciate them but you know what? Screw that guy. JD and LB don’t need him when they’ve got the votes of MBA Candidates. CNN Money’s annual ranking of the top companies business students want to work for is out and apparently these kids want a piece of James D and his li’l buddy more than ever before, clocking in at 7 and 3 respectively, moving up one and two slots each, with the extra love for GS being attributed to the gluttons for punishment at GS just dying to have Matt Taibbi throw scalding hot coffee in their faces (the school even added a class to prepare its graduates for that exact scenario this year). Also making progress with the business leaders of tomorrow was Citi, which jumped from the 59th to the 51st slot, just losing out in popularity to UBS. Still beat HSBC (76) though, so, something to be happy about. Read more »

  • 14 May 2010 at 2:53 PM
  • Banks

Gasparino: Lloyd And The Dancing Blankfeins Might Not Save Chicago Bank

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Remember that story from a few hours ago about Chicago-based ShoreBank, which was set to be seized today if it didn’t come up with the necessary scratch to survive? And how Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Citigroup, Bank of America all stepped in at the last second to raise the money, led by Lloyd Blankfein who was personally working the phones and promising people “an all-access pass to Blankfein-ville” for opening their wallets? And it looked like things were going to be okay and Lucas van Praag had already commissioned the float for the inevitable parade of GS execs Saturday afternoon? Well Charlie Gasparino, because he hates feel-good stories, is here to ruin everything, reporting that the bank may very well go down for the dirt nap (alternatively, it might not, due to the fluidity of the situation). Sayeth Chaz:

“As of now Shorebank will not get bailed out. The consortium has not agreed to a final number. They are about $25 million short of the $125 million needed. From what I understand, the consortium of Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Citigroup, Bank of America do not want to give any more money.”

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