• News

    Vikram Pandit: “We can make Citi the best company in the world, bar none.”

    Citi CEO Vikram Pandit sent out a memo congratulating the troops on completing the second quarter last night; not successfully, per se, just in general. I’m paraphrasing but something like “It’s June 30 and we’re still here,” which you have to admit is an accomplishment worth highlighting. He then went on note that while big […]

    / Jun 30, 2008 at 10:10 AM
  • News

    Veiled Threat From A Soon-To-Be Former CEO, Part II

    Earlier this week, Angelo Mozilo told Countrywide shareholders that Bank of America will “reap the benefits of what we have sowed.” At the time, this was the greatest veiled threat we had ever heard. This morning, Citi CEO Vikram Pandit one-upped His Orangeness. And just to make sure everyone saw it (the one-upping of Moz […]

    / Jun 27, 2008 at 3:05 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’08: Citi

    Citi first-years got numbers this morning and they’re “so bad” that everyone’s been granted a ten minute nap under their desk plus five minutes of alone time in the “jerk off and cry” room. 1st tier got 65, 2nd got 53, 3rd got 25. Our tipster was unsure about the remaing two levels though we’ve […]

    / Jun 27, 2008 at 12:00 PM
  • News

    Gasparino: “Citigroup, as screwed up as they are, might want to buy Washington Mutual”

    Earlier: JPMBSPNC? Stearns Morgan Mutual? Bearpont Morgan Banc?

    / Jun 26, 2008 at 1:13 PM
  • News

    Goldman Downgrades Citi, Merrill, Mediocre Liberal Arts School

    Goldman Sachs cut its second quarter earning estimates for Citigroup and Merrill Lynch today, predicting that the banks will incur $8.9 billion and $4.2 billion in writedowns, respectively, earning them a place on Goldman’s “conviction sell” list. Way more important recommendation not included in analyst William Tanoma’s formal note, but reported by CNBC’s Darren Rovell […]

    / Jun 26, 2008 at 10:41 AM
  • News

    Credit Where Credit Is Due: Mayo Was Technically The First To Defecate All Over Citi

    We’re all for unrelenting mockery of the Citi that never sleeps. That much should be obvious. But can we get a ruling on how much longer the story about Dollar Dominatrix Meredith Whitney downgrading the C in October is allowed to be discussed before we move on to more recent anecdotal evidence of the ‘group […]

    / Jun 25, 2008 at 3:05 PM
  • News

    Citigroup Treading On Thin Ice With Punk Analyst

    Citigroup has just learned that hell hath no fury like a chafed Dick. Yesterday, CFO Gary Crittenden popped in on a little gathering run by Deutsche Bank’s Mike Mayo. While breaking bread and shooting the shit with a couple of buy-siders, Crittenden casually mentioned that the banking behemoth (gettin’ smaller every day though!) would probably […]

    / Jun 20, 2008 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    The Amazing Race: Prince, Dykstra, McMahon
    Who Will Sell Their Manse First?

    Bloomberg reports that former Citi CEO Chuck Prince has been hideously forced to cut the asking price of his Greenwich, Connecticut house, which is now entering its sixth month on the market, to $5.85 million. The price tag is still about a million more than what Prince bought the Tudor for in 2003, but $300,000 […]

    / Jun 18, 2008 at 2:14 PM
  • News

    Retract Prior Bullish Guidance, Revision To Outlook Forthcoming

    “Every institution has the right to lose all their money if they want to,” said Vikram Pandit, the chief executive of Citigroup. We take this as tacit acknowledgment of our bottom call earlier today, which was apparently premature. Can Banking Shake The Crisis [Forbes]

    / Jun 10, 2008 at 6:24 PM
  • News


    Oh hell fuck yeah! Hold on to your motherfucking hats. Are you ready for this? Are you ready this one? Are you ready for the noise? Are you ready for the thunda? Citi has switched over its screensavers to reflect the new motto. Share price soon to follow. I am calling this bear market shit […]

    / Jun 10, 2008 at 3:13 PM
  • Vikram Pandit

    Someone Is Undermining Vikram Pandit

    Nearly one month ago, Citi CEO Vikram Pandit announced his genius plan for making things work at the big C. And the plan was: a new motto. And the new motto was: Citi Never Sleeps. Obviously there were some naysayers out there, who scoffed at the idea that changing the company’s slogan from the Blue […]

    / Jun 4, 2008 at 9:45 AM
  • News

    Meredith Whitney Is Not Well

    We suggested last week that Oppenheimer analyst and erstwhile Citi hater Meredith Whitney had grown tired of Panditville. Her last report, in which she concluded, “We wish [Citi’s] management team all the best in their ambitious endeavors, but we fear [it] is past the point of fixing,” seemed to imply that her interest in relentlessly […]

    / May 20, 2008 at 12:00 PM
  • News

    Nothing Can Bring This Man Down

    Hedge fund gone belly up? Firm bleeding red ink out of every orifice with no end in sight? Haven’t slept in days? Apartment you bought from Tony Randall just not feeling like home, owing in part to a lack of “Odd Couple” memorabilia? (You were promised a lock of Jack Klugman’s hair!) IT’S ALL GOOD.

    / May 16, 2008 at 10:42 AM
  • News

    Too Ridiculous To Be True And Yet…Entirely Plausible

    At Citigroup’s meeting in Manhattan in late April, a security guard removed an orange from a visitor’s knapsack at the door. “No fruit allowed in there. They’re afraid people will throw it,” the guard said, according to Crain’s New York Business. Fireworks expected at Centennial Bank shareholders meeting [Denver Business Journal]

    / May 14, 2008 at 1:21 PM
  • News

    League Tables: Trainwreck Edition

    Great news and greater news: global banks have come clean about 80 percent of losses on subprime-related assets, which means further admissions of fuck ups will be a relative drop in the bucket. “As a significant proportion of the losses have been disclosed, further ratings action arising from ABS-CDO and subprime RMBS exposures is likely […]

    / May 14, 2008 at 12:46 PM
  • News

    Is Meredith Whitney Finished With Citi?

    We casually mentioned yesterday that perhaps Oppenheimer analyst Meredith Whitney ought cut the stand-up from her Citi reports, but only because we think her bits are much (more unintentionally) funnier when she lets the facts (“We’ve got a horrible slogan,” “We just lost a trillion dollars,” “We’re two quarters away from $10”) speak for themselves. […]

    / May 13, 2008 at 11:15 AM
  • News

    Citi’s Most Valuable Asset

    We’re not suggesting in the slightest that Citi’s new-old slogan, “Citi Never Sleeps,” doesn’t strike us a tagline that would get Meredith Whitney going, “You know, I’m starting to think that those guys know what they’re doing over there,” but we have been wondering why the firm felt the need to rebrand itself as the […]

    / May 12, 2008 at 3:40 PM
  • News

    You Big Money Idea Of The Day: Citi

    Listen, we talk a lot of shit about Citi here, and I highly doubt that’s going to stop any time soon. But let’s just all agree that the C’s got a new contrarian indicator and she’s telling us to buy. Big time. And that contrarian indicator is: Meredith Whitney. Crazy? Yes. Implausible? No. Here’s why. […]

    / May 12, 2008 at 1:00 PM
  • News

    Vikram or Nouri?

    It’s Monday and you know what that means—another exciting round of Who Said It?. This week’s entry is based in part on a letter sent out on Friday by a very important person, about a very important task. After the jump, you’ll find two excerpts from said memo. One is real, one is fake, based […]

    / May 12, 2008 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Just Wondering

    Since C‘s new slogan is “Citi Never Sleeps,” will the firm accordingly be passing out amphetamines to the staff, in case any two-bit reporters plan on doing a little late night undercover work to make sure everyone’s taking this thing seriously? And if so, will the drugs be distributed using the same revenue boosting plan […]

    / May 7, 2008 at 5:30 PM
  • The How to Think About Series

    How To Think About The New Citi Slogan

    A lot of you have been wondering if C’s new slogan, “Citi Never Sleeps” is for real. It is. I know it’s a stretch to ask a rational human being to accept, but stay with me, ‘cause it’s all about to make sense. Sources tell DealBreaker (enough with the anonymity, talkin’ Jimmy Cayne here, informant […]

    / May 7, 2008 at 11:44 AM
  • News

    Citi Absolutely Not Kidding Around Anymore

    Citi CEO Vikram Pandit just sent out the following memo re: change in tagline to all employees. I like it because it shows he’s really taking a stab at turning the diversified whorehouse into a profitable company, though, in all objective sincerity, if he really wanted to make this thing work, he would’ve gone with […]

    / May 7, 2008 at 10:00 AM
  • News

    The Age Old Question

    Fortune has an incredibly insensitive article today asking “Can anyone run Citigroup?”, the implication being that CEO Vikram Pandit can’t. We’re willing to hear arguments that run counter to our belief that with Vikram in charge, Citi is not only “too big to fail” but, as one commenter so brilliantly put it, “too happy to […]

    / Apr 21, 2008 at 3:07 PM
  • The How to Think About Series

    How To Think About How Phenomenally Failing Citi Is Still A (Sacred) Cash Cow

    The billions upon billions of dollars that Citi wrote down under the umbrella of “stuff we fucked up on” today (and the resulting “negative revenue” of $5.1 billion) shouldn’t give investors the confidence that C has the vaguest notion of what it’s doing. And yet, the bank’s stock is up almost seven percent. There is […]

    / Apr 18, 2008 at 11:35 AM
  • Ben Bernanke

    Where Was Chuck Prince’s Freshman Year Econ Prof When We Needed Him?

    Though conventional wisdom states that nothing or no one will ever be able to whip the diversified whorehouse that is Citi into something resembling a profitable company, at least one person willing to go on record believes Vikram Pandit “has the smarts” to do just that. We’re speaking, of course, Pandit’s finance professor from grad […]

    / Apr 17, 2008 at 2:07 PM
  • News

    Even Meredith Whitney Is Going, “Okay, Now You’re Just Being Silly”

    So this little debate about when things will be good again– Blankfein claims “We’re closer to the end than the beginning,” while Eclectica Asset Management’s Hugh Hendry predicts financial stocks will take TWENTY FIVE YEARS to recover from the subprime incident. I don’t know who to believe: Jew or hyperbolist (as you know, I’m partial […]

    / Apr 11, 2008 at 11:45 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’08: Citi

    A “decent amount” of banking associates were apparently laid off at Citi yesterday afternoon. No word on packages, or if Meredith Whitney cackled when she heard the news (according to sources at the ‘group, the firm now calls up the analyst every time headcount is reduced and asks “happy now?” But in a sychophantish, begging […]

    / Apr 10, 2008 at 10:48 AM
  • News

    Thank God The Rotating Dance Floor Made The Cut

    In case you were wondering (and who the heck wasn’t?) Prince Alwaleed’s new jet is outfitted with not one but two “throne rooms.” The original thinking was that one would be for him, and one for Chuck Prince. Obviously that plan went to shit. Which is fitting. And on the DL? Throne room = bathroom. […]

    / Apr 9, 2008 at 5:59 PM

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