• News

    Vikram Pandit: We Won’t Need Any More TARP, We’re Slimming Down And Moving On Up In The World

    You can all stuff it! He’s not taking shit from any of you. Next question!

    / Mar 4, 2010 at 11:58 AM
  • News

    Meanwhile, At Citi…

    Vikram’s sale on chotchkies continues apace. Earlier: Come On Down To Vikram’s House Of Jewels!

    / Mar 3, 2010 at 3:02 PM
  • News

    Citigroup Wanted To Give Vikram Pandit A Bonus This Year

    Not because the bank was finally able to turn a profit– obviously it didn’t– but because it made remarkable strides to suck less than it did the year prior (witness a mere $1.6 billion loss for 2009 versus $27.7 billion), all thanks to Uncle Vikula. Unfortunately our Pandito is a man of his word, and […]

    / Mar 1, 2010 at 4:58 PM
  • News

    Vikram Is Watching You

    Team Citi can’t keep track of its own money, but they will track yours and that of your neighbor, thanks to the Bundle, which “removes the veil of secrecy from how other people save and spend their money.” For example, you can learn that “Singles, 36- to 49-year-olds in Dallas spend $57 per month on […]

    / Feb 26, 2010 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    Correction: Citi Loves The Gays

    There were some rumors today that Citi hated the gays after the bank account of Web site Fabulis was shut down. But Citi now says it was all based on technical issues and the account has been unblocked, and Fabulis just wants to put the whole thing behind them. Also, Citi would like to remind […]

    / Feb 25, 2010 at 6:00 PM
  • News

    Citi, Community Organizer, Love Giver, Neighborhood Rescuer, Therapist

    Ok people, time to stop bitching about Citi and its desire to conquer (destroy) the world with its uber-derivatives. Those people have souls. They just launched a pilot initiative that will allow people to remain in their foreclosed homes for six months in six states and they would like the Blankfeins and Dimons of the […]

    / Feb 12, 2010 at 1:55 PM
  • News

    Citi Not Sweating Downgrade

    S&P revised its outlook on Citi to negative from stable today, but we’re told that no one is losing sleep over it at the bank and this is pretty much a non-event. They all can go back to their blog writing and uber-derivatives-creating safely. S&P’s rationale is that if Financial Armageddon 2.0 were to come, […]

    / Feb 9, 2010 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Citi’s Big Idea

    The guys at Citi are smarter than anyone else on the Street, which is why they are about to launch the first derivatives EVER that will pay out in the event of a financial crisis. As Chris Whalen, at Institutional Risk Analytics, told us about the news: “It’s cute. Though a bit ironic coming from […]

    / Feb 8, 2010 at 3:30 PM
  • News

    Jefferies Tops League Tables

    In Haitian Donations, according to Bloomberg. • Jefferies • Deutsche Bank • UBS • Citigroup • Bank of America • JPMorgan • Morgan Stanley • Goldman Sachs Earlier: Citi Seems To Care More About Haiti Than Other Banks, God’s Included

    / Jan 26, 2010 at 1:08 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’10: Citi

    Had dinner with a few Citi friends (VP’s and associates) this weekend and the story is as follows. Apparently Citi will tell the public they paid a significant portion of the compensation in stock (~20-30% in cash and the rest stock) and not cash. The reality is that 70-80% of it will be in cash […]

    / Jan 25, 2010 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Dick Bove and Vikram Will Ride Into the Sunset

    Dick Bove’s weird love story with Citi is one that is complicated and needs a lot of nurturing. Although it will never reach the highs of the one he had with BofA (Ken Lewis was a “visionary and tactician” who “was torn from his post by politicians lacking any of Mr. Lewis’ skills and successes.”) […]

    / Jan 20, 2010 at 11:48 AM
  • News

    The Secret To Making The Big Bucks At Citigroup, Part II

    As you’ve probably heard, it’s not that easy to get rich as an employee of Citi. Sadly, the days of the bank paying hundreds of millions for your shitty hedge fund are pretty much over, unless you’ve got something really special to offer them, in which case, let’s talk. Still, there are a few ways […]

    / Jan 14, 2010 at 12:52 PM
  • News

    Citi IT Guy Wants His Money

    Last June, Citi was supposed to pay five former senior executives millions in severance payouts, but what the bank decided to do, instead, was not make those payment. The ex-employees were owed about $100 million (half of which had been paid out) but not wanting to be compared to AIG which, at the time, was […]

    / Jan 7, 2010 at 11:53 AM
  • News

    The Secret To Making The Big Bucks At Citigroup

    A lot people who work at Citi, relative to other banks and the finance industry at large, make shit money. Obviously, we’re not just talking about the first year rainmakers but up and own the food chain, Uncle Vikula included. But, as previously mentioned, there is one man who was compensated pretty nicely this year. […]

    / Jan 6, 2010 at 4:47 PM
  • News

    Who Needs Bedding?

    From: [redacted at Citi] To: DealBreaker Subject: Today’s the day I might have to kill myself I shit you not, Linens ‘N Things is having a sale in the building cafeteria. What the fuck has my life and career come to?!? Earlier: Come On Down To Vikram’s House Of Jewels!

    / Jan 5, 2010 at 12:52 PM
  • News

    Sandy Weill Is Sad About Citi

    Talk whatever shit you want about the former Citi chairman, and I’m sure you already have, but the man has feelings. Lots of ‘em, which he unloaded on the Times over the weekend. Sandford looks at his old firm and his heart bleeds for what it’s become, namely a place where no one will take […]

    / Jan 4, 2010 at 10:10 AM

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