• Sage Kelly


    Jefferies Exec Details All The Places He’s Never Mistaken For A Toilet

    Some words you don’t often hear senior Wall Street execs say aloud are “I have never defecated or urinated in bed, on the floor or a wall.” And yet, Sage Kelly, Global Head of Healthcare Investment Banking at Jefferies, said exactly that in court papers this week, in response to allegations by his wife that […]

    / Oct 24, 2014 at 9:45 AM
  • meadowlands-snow-jpg


    One-Stop Shop For An Unforgettable Super Bowl Party Shut Down

    Eighteen people were arrested for allegedly running a prostitution and drug ring that marketed its services to visitors to the New York area for the Feb. 2 Super Bowl, the New York Attorney General said. The ring sold “party pack” packages of cocaine and prostitutes and is estimated to have generated millions of dollars in […]

    / Jan 30, 2014 at 4:53 PM
  • gasparino


    Charlie Gasparino: Beware The Wall Street Guy Who’s Never Done A Hooker Or A Line Of Coke

    “Drugs and personal excess will always be found on Wall Street (and in any profession that pays big bucks), but it’s been my experience that fraudsters are more often family men like Bernie Madoff — guys who methodically steal tens of billions without screwing a single hooker or snorting a single line of coke.” [NYP]

    / Dec 19, 2013 at 12:59 PM
  • paulflowers-260x169


    Selling Co-Op Bank Shares Before Coke-And-Meth Scandal Mere Happy Coincidence For Local Hedge Fund

    According to the Telegraph, Aurelius Capital Management struck a deal to sell its shares of Co-op Bank to Perry Capital just prior to the news that former chairman Paul Flowers enjoyed purchasing cocaine and crystal meth. In related news, Co-op has conceded that it’s possible there is a connection between the fleeing of clients and […]

    / Dec 2, 2013 at 12:40 PM
  • paulflowers


    Former British Bank Chief Is Sorry About The Time He Bought Crystal Meth

    Paul Flowers, the former Co-operative bank chairman, has been suspended by the Labour Party as he faces a police investigation over his alleged purchase of class A drugs. Mr Flowers, 63, has already been suspended from his position as a Methodist minister after he was caught on camera discussing the purchase of crystal meth, cocaine […]

    / Nov 19, 2013 at 5:08 PM
  • turneyduff-260x195


    Back of Tee: Consider Yourselves Cut!

    If “The Buy Side” is remembered for any single line, it will be the remark that Mr. Duff says he uttered one evening upon confronting a lengthy queue outside a downtown Manhattan nightclub. Barging past the bouncers, he announces: “I don’t stand in lines. I snort them.” He and his trading pals think the joke […]

    / Jun 3, 2013 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Professor: Bankers Did Enough Blow To Kill A Stable-full Of Horses And Global Economy

    David Nutt, the former Government drugs tsar sacked after claiming that horse riding was as safe as taking ecstasy, has said that the banking crisis was caused by too many workers taking cocaine. Prof Nutt said that too many bankers who took the drug were “overconfident” and so “took more risks” and said that not […]

    / Apr 16, 2013 at 4:59 PM
  • "jokes"

    Claim: Sam Israel’s Investors Gave Him Money Because They Liked Animal-Loving Cokeheads Who Looked Good In Women’s Underwear And Cowboy Boots

    Investors gave Bernie Madoff money because they trusted him. They gave Sam Israel money because they liked him—a gregarious, disarming goofball who, as a Wall Street apprentice, had invented an alter ego he called Captain Proton, a fearless superhero whose special powers were granted by vodka and cocaine. Now in his forties, he lived in a Westchester mansion, rented from Donald Trump for $22,000 a month, with an adjacent chapel in which he had built a replica of the Bayou trading floor alongside an 800-­gallon saltwater fish tank and a menagerie of rare reptiles. He’d also installed a high-end studio for jam sessions, where he’d play with the Allman Brothers’ drummer when the band was in town. He owned a fleet of Porsches and signed personal checks printed with the image of SpongeBob SquarePants…Once he’d welcomed his family home from a short trip standing in the driveway wearing cowboy boots, his wife’s bikini underwear, a lacrosse helmet, swim goggles, a life jacket, and a cape, then started screaming at his wife when she didn’t get the joke. [NYM, related]

    / Jul 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM
  • News

    Suspend Your Meth Usage On The Trading Floor Until At Least Mid-September

    Toying with the idea of cranking things up a notch at work with a few lines of blow before the open, exploring the affects of Ecstasy on your ability to trade, smoking enough meth to lose your teeth and/or saying fuck it on casual Fridays and rolling in wearing a button down with the sleeves […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 3:39 PM
  • News

    Legendary Investor Lenny Dykstra Might Need Bail Money, Pair Of Pants

    Remember when Lenny Dykstra was arrested in April? The Jim Cramer-approved investor was cuffed and charged with bankruptcy fraud for “selling items from his $18 million California mansion,” including chandeliers, mirrors, artwork, a stove and a grandfather clock delivered to a consignment store called Uniques, whose owner was happy to help him unload his “truckload […]

    / Jun 6, 2011 at 12:39 PM
  • News

    Twenty-Something New Yorkers No Longer Interested In Sex, Declares Reporter Whose Theory Is Backed Up By Hedge Fund Employee

    Recently, a reporter for the Observer went to a few bars and attended what can be called parties under the loosest definition of the term ‘party’ (“A girl sitting next to a Harvard M.B.A. student looked through a coffee table book of Todd Selby’s photography. There was a conversation going on about Twitter.”). No one […]

    / Mar 16, 2011 at 2:01 PM
  • News

    Twenty Five Guys Who Will “Destroy Your Career On Wall Street”

    According to John Carney and his associate Ash Bennington, who put together the list, they’re to be avoided and include:

    / Feb 24, 2011 at 3:45 PM
  • News

    Does Your Firm’s Drug Use Jibe With The New National Average?

    Meaning your colleagues’ coke use is down 29% (only about .29% are blowing rails at their desk), while their heroin and prescription opiate use is up 20% and 18% respectively since 2008? Have you walked in on them freebasing a little in the men’s room before the open? Has anyone ever asked if they could […]

    / Feb 3, 2011 at 4:00 PM
  • News

    Any Investors Want To Back This Entrepeneurial Chemist And Drug Dealer Duo?

    As the owner of a construction business, the housing market’s turn for the worst is 2008 spelled trouble for David Llwelleyn. After he was forced to close up shop, Llwelleyn found himself at a crossroads faced by many victims of the recession– take some soulless gig just because it was available and paid the bills […]

    / Nov 1, 2010 at 11:30 AM
  • News

    South American Beauty Queens Demonstrating Remarkable Business Acumen, Nose For Drug Trade

    Have you been looking to jump ship but not yet found a shop well-suited to your needs and interests? Have you considered becoming a “model-mule”? It’s a booming field and you should get in when there are still openings available. Sexy and daring women are appearing on most-wanted lists in the United States, Mexico and […]

    / Mar 31, 2010 at 12:45 PM

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