Profiling Abby Joseph “The Oracle” Cohen’s fall out of the financial cheerleading tree, CNBC’s JeeYeon Park managed to hit (and break) every metaphoric branch on the way down. Between the two of them, no rhetorical equity booster is left unbowed, including:

“…held up during the difficult portion of the recession.” (It being all behind us now, this is clearly a safe observation, right?)
“…new bull market.” (a/k/a “It’s different this time.” a/k/a “A new paradigm.”)
“…stocks should likely perform better than bonds.” (Should likely).
“…not only good, but fabulous by comparison.” (Thanks for asking!)
“…staircase pattern.” (Stairway to heaven, one assumes).
“…job losses were slowing.” (The precious second derivative decline. Thank the maker!)
“…unlikely to turn all at one [sic] or on a dime.” (Bit dangerous to put Titanic references in an otherwise positive pump job, but we digress…)

Being the aesthetics that we know you to be, we’ve decided to give you a chance to hone your literary and poetic skills in the comfort of your own deskchair. Yes, a contest.
Best haiku using as much of Cohen’s unique vocabulary as syllapossible gets to vote on our new fall intern. Scoring will be completely arbitrary, unfair and primarily focused on creative use of words and phrases like “fabulous” and “V-Shaped.”
Go!
Stocks in ‘New Bull Market,’ But Climb Will Be Slow: Cohen [CNBC]