cows

  • jimmycayne (2)

    News

    Fitch, Moody’s, S&P Were Quite Obviously Pulling A Jimmy Cayne For Most Of The Years Leading Up To The Financial Crisis, Allege Bear Stearns Hedge Fund Liquidators

    The liquidators want $1 billion for investors and the name of the rating agencies’ dealer […]

    / Nov 11, 2013 at 4:47 PM
  • cows

    News

    Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge 2013: Final Results

    And the winner of dinner at Peter Luger plus a limited edition Dealbreaker banker bag, […]

    / Apr 9, 2013 at 4:35 PM
  • carl-icahn-23sep11

    News

    Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge: A Final Update

    All of you went to sleep last night dreaming about what it would be like […]

    / Apr 8, 2013 at 6:23 PM
  • cyprus

    News

    Sign Up For The DealBreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge Or The Banks In Cyprus Will Never Open Again…Ever

    And you don’t want that on your conscience.

    / Mar 20, 2013 at 4:00 PM
  • steak

    News

    Enter The Third Annual Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge Today

    As Dealbreaker historians will recall, 2011 marked our first Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge. It was inspired by a financial services hack who made the public announcement that he planned to (anonymously) report any colleagues he caught filling out brackets and keeping tabs on their picks during business hours. At the time, we encouraged you all to enter as many pools as were available, making it impossible for him to keep up with the amount of people and their offenses he needed to rat out, and created one to do our part. Is this guy still on the loose? He very well might be but regardless: never forget. To that end, sign up for the Third Annual Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge today. If you need reason beyond being able to say you won the DBNCAATC, first place will receive dinner for him/herself plus some colleagues and/friends at Peter Luger* and the must-have item of the season, a blue and green Dealbreaker banker bag.

    / Mar 18, 2013 at 3:38 PM
  • jefferies

    News

    Layoffs Watch ’12: Acquisition Of Jefferies By Perpetrators Of Cow Genocide Bodes Well For Firm’s Employees

    Rumors began to circulate late last year that Jefferies could be acquired by a large […]

    / Nov 12, 2012 at 3:42 PM
  • mikecorbatweightlifting

    News

    Mike Corbat’s Got Two Choices For Citigroup Employees

    Choice number one: everyone starts earning more money for the bank, following an exhilarating pep rally run by Corbat in the cafeteria involving senior executives shooting Citi swag into the crowd out of tee-shirt guns, cheerleaders, and  a Spartacus Workout demo and before/after shots of MC, meant to inspire people and show them what they’re capable of if they really put their minds to something. Choice number two: Bank of America-style layoffs.

    Michael Corbat, new chief executive officer, says he wants to run a more efficient bank. That means rousing or cutting one of Wall Street’s least productive workforces. Citigroup generated about $206,000 of revenue for each employee through the first nine months of the year, down 7.5 percent from the same period in 2011, while rivals including Wells Fargo & Co. posted increases, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. Excluding a one-time writedown of $4.7 billion, Citigroup’s productivity rose less than 1 percent…“It’s likely they will have some sort of headcount- reduction program more in line with Bank of America, which is looking to get rid of about 10 percent of employees,” said Erik Oja, an equities analyst at Standard & Poor’s in New York. “Having the lowest revenue per employee is something they will have to address, and growing the revenues is pretty tough right now with net interest margins falling and loan growth so low.”

    Pandit probably was distracted from his cost-cutting goal as he grappled with public rebukes while trying to sell unwanted assets, said David Knutson, a credit analyst with Legal & General Investment Management America in Chicago, which owns Citigroup debt. Disposing of Citi Holdings assets remains “the elephant in the room,” he said. “He had a lot of plates in the air, and there were a couple of setbacks,” Knutson said. “Expense cuts are painful, and you’ve got to gore some sacred cows,” Knutson said. “You can’t do that if you don’t have an explicit mandate, if you don’t have focus and you’re hamstrung with legacy issues.”

    Citigroup Productivity Worst of Big Banks Shows Challenge [Bloomberg]
    Earlier: Mike Corbat Will Torch The Fat Off Citi Like He Torched The Fat Off His Abs

    / Oct 25, 2012 at 1:29 PM
  • News

    Quis Custodiet Ipsos Egan-Joneses?

    Let’s not stop there with the clichés.* Here’s a great one: “never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.” In applied form: your model of all the AAA mortgage CDOs that were maybe not so AAA could be “ratings agencies were paid by banks so they were venal and corrupt and sold the banks good ratings on products they knew were bad.” Or it could be “ratings agencies created medium-dumb criteria to make a thing be AAA, and bankers who were smarter than medium-dumb arbed those criteria to make more things be AAA than should have been AAA.” The incentives model has good economic theory behind it, and some suggestive evidence; the stupidity model has that lovely cliché but also some evidence, about which more later.

    But first hilarious contrarian ratings agency Egan-Jones is in trouble:

    / Apr 19, 2012 at 3:53 PM
  • News, Ratings Agency

    What Are You Paying Ratings Agencies Zero Dollars For, Anyway?

    Fitch released a report today saying “ohmygod banks Europe” and the market went down and […]

    / Nov 16, 2011 at 7:14 PM
  • News

    Hedge Fund Manager Prepares For End Of The World, When He’ll Have To Be A Farmer

    “A friend of mine is actually the largest owner of agricultural land in Uruguay,” said […]

    / May 18, 2011 at 12:23 PM