crazy bitches

As we have learned from former SAC trader Noah Freeman’s extensive testimony in the government’s insider trading case du jour, expert network analyst Winifred Jiau had a tendency to act irrational, demanding and sometimes plain bitchy. Whether her behavior stemmed from a power trip associated with realizing she was the person anyone who was anyone in the insider trading space wanted to work or she was simply born that way is unclear but regardless, while it may have annoyed some clients, it didn’t stop anyone from buying what she was selling, i.e. inside information that was “precise to the decimal.” Freeman, for example, has go so far as to praise her tips as best in class while sharing that he fantasized about doing her bodily harm, such as when she would make what he felt to be absurd requests like two (2) iPhones, gift cards to clothing stores, the Cheesecake factory and a dozen Thanksgiving lobsters. Apparently, though, the stuff wasn’t for Jiau. She just needed it to land another member of her “club.” Read more »

  • 15 Jul 2010 at 11:46 AM

Ex-Hedge Fund Manager’s Luck Not Yet Turned Around

A former hedge fund manager was beaten by his wife with a full bottle of wine following an argument this weekend. Susan Van Cook was arrested on Sunday, after Greenwich Hospital notified Rye, N.Y., police that her husband sought treatment for his injuries, which included a bite on the forearm. Joseph Van Cook, who was found to have late-traded mutual fund shares while working at Pritchard Capital Partners, required three staples and several stitches. “It was supposedly a full bottle of wine” Susan Van Cook used to hit her husband in the head, Lt. Joseph Verille of the Rye police told the Journal News.

Police: Hedge Fund Manager Assaulted By Wife With Wine Bottle [FINalternatives]

  • 01 Jun 2010 at 4:57 PM

Great News For Psychopath Traders Based In The UK

Tim...and on some occasions, "Kim"

Are you a little bit nuts? Are you a lot a bit nuts? If you said the latter, take care to only date women who date guys as equally crazy as yourself and in the event you go bat-shit insane on her ass, it’ll be all good in the ‘hood. Read more »

Tim...and on some occasions, "Kim"

You’re a married trader carrying on an affair with a receptionist who’s only seeing you because you’ve promised to leave your wife. She wants a committed relationship so she breaks it off with you and starts seeing a new man, one who’s not married. You’re the jealous type and not happy at all about this. You want to do something, but what? For the purposes of this scenario, it should be noted that on good days you’re a little nuts and on bad you are a full on psycho. Do you a) send her a few messages, lie to her and swear that this time, you’re really going to break it off with your wife? b) confront the guy and settle things mano y mano c) break into her apartment and trash the place, knowing full well she’ll assume it’s you and maybe be scared into taking you back or d) break into her apartment, trash the place but in such a way that those examining the scene would think that you were 1) a woman and 2) the piece on the side of the guy your girl just started seeing? If you’re Timothy Evans, you’d answer D, D, a thousand times D!

Evans, 47, is alleged to have broken into Juliette Shutes’ home and sprayed the words ‘whore,’ ‘slut’ and ‘cow’ on the walls. On one wall were the words: “I warned you – you bitch. You stole my boyfriend.”

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Hands down best party of the story is that this is supposed to be Steve and, I don't know, Ping Jiang, dressed as a little Dutch Boy?

New York mag has a story today on the hedge fund ex-lover’s spat du jour: that of Steve Cohen and his former wife, Patricia, who last December sued Steve, accusing him of hiding “significant” marital assets from her when they were getting divorced (twenty years ago), insider trading and so on and so forth. The article starts off sweetly enough, with how the two met– “on a rainy summer evening in 1979,” at a bar on the Upper East Side. Patricia (she’s the one recounting this story to the author, BTW) was wearing “a white camisole and a pale, rain-soaked silk skirt that stuck to her lovely legs.” Stevie, then 22, a junior trader with “a trim waist” approached her, and while PC says he wasn’t her type, she found his eagerness endearing, and six months later they got married.

We then hear about the unhappy marriage and the even unhappier (twenty freaking) years since the two split, mostly from Patricia’s side (though we do get some of SC’s perspective, through his friends), plus all the stuff they said about each other in their divorce papers and subsequent other filings. It feels like we’re in couple’s counseling with these two and yeah, it’s as awkward as you can imagine that trust tree to be. He was obsessed with work and moody; she was unsympathetic, unappreciative. She thinks he’s tried to buy favor with their children; he thinks he’s being generous (when wasn’t giving them money she said he was treating them like cast-offs, while the kids with the new wife were spoiled). She feels he should’ve paid for her abode, but when he bought and renovated an apartment on Central Park West for her, claims to have felt like “a vassal of the wealthy lord,” because he kept it in his name (I’m not going to say it, because we’re not here to take sides but I am going to think it). Patricia says she’ll “never understand his anger [toward] me,” while Steve has told people, “She’s a terrorist on a mission to make my life a living hell.”

So, as previously stated, awk! And yet, from every insanely uncomfortable situation, wherein we’re hearing about Patricia withholding sex from her Steve, to the entitlement, to the yelling, the screaming and the pasta with anchovies, there’s a learning experience to be found. Namely, how to stay on the big guy’s good side. Current, future and past employees, perhaps hoping to learn from their mistakes, take note: Read more »

richardbove.JPGThings have been pretty dark for Dick Bové ever since her man, the “brilliant” Ken Lewis was essentially forced out of his job. Other analysts, the colder, unfeeling ones probably wouldn’t have taken it so personally, but Lewis is Bové’s guy and she can’t help it, this hurts, bad (also, she’s just always been a sensitive and highly strung person). Sorry if that’s too much for you to handle but Ken Lewis meant a lot* to the Rochdale rising star. It felt good and empowering to lose it in a tear-stained note to clients, in which she put the words “No other banker in this country can equal Mr Lewis’s achievements and yet every banker wishes s/he could” out there but it didn’t change anyone’s mind and she’s just felt completely helpless for almost two months now. She knows she should be strong for KL but she just can’t. She’s lost weight, she’s gained weight, she’s gone on booze-fueled sex rampages wherein she’ll fuck the first thing in her line of vision, in an attempt to silence the pain but nothing’s helped.
This morning when she woke up underneath a pile of empty pints of Ben and Jerry’s after crying herself to sleep, she couldn’t even summon the strength to get out of bed. But then, something happened. In the other room, she heard Charlie Gasparino’s voice on CNBC, which she’d left on the night before. Lewis’s name was mentioned and, at first, figuring CG was just going to be talking shit about her man, Bové pulled the covers over her head. Then Chaz started saying something about how the board still hasn’t found a replacement and Divé shot out of bed. She ran into the other room wearing only the oversized tee-shirt bearing Lewis’s face she’d had made a few years ago. Biting her nails in fear that her ears were playing tricks on her, Mrs. Lewis (someday?) rewound the DVR. It was true! BAC still hasn’t come up with an ideal candidate willing to take the job. Feeling like her old self for the first time in a long time, she sat down to write. And write she did.

“Mr. Lewis was a key architect in the creation and management of Bank of America. He knows this company better than anyone else and he knows how to operate it,” Bove wrote in a research note issued early Friday morning. “At this point in the company’s history, this is the type of leader needed. Convincing him to return would be the biggest morale builder that management could get.”

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