Some population restructuring is said to be going down at the House of Dougan this afternoon. So far affected: leveraged finance. No word on parting packages (yet), though Shake Shack on Brady would be nice but unlikely, as he’s having some money trubs at the moment.
Bonus? Sure! How about some of this toxic paper?
The bank will use leveraged loans and commercial mortgage-backed debt, some of the securities blamed for generating the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, to fund executive compensation packages, people familiar with the matter said.
The securities will be placed into a so-called Partner Asset Facility, and affected employees at the bank, Switzerland’s second biggest, will be given stakes in the facility as part of their pay. Bonuses will take the first hit should the securities decline further in value.
Oh, Credit Suisse, I think I love you.
Credit Suisse to Use $5 Billion of Illiquid Assets for Bonuses [Bloomberg]
Former Credit Suisse broker Julian Tzolov, under investigation for being a sheep and pushing auction rate securities, is thought to have fled to his native Bulgaria. (Suicide has been ruled out, faking one’s own death apparently only be de rigeur among the hedge fund set.) Tzolov resigned from the firm on September 7, 2007, so he’s presumably been planning the trip for a while. That, or he’s not in Bulgaria at all, and has simply been waiting for his god damn ShroomBurger.
The Journal noted that Credit Suisse itself is not a target of the probe, Tzolov apparently evidently being a go-getter who probably would’ve been more suited to certain other Swiss banks.
Broker Goes Missing As Securities Charges Near [WSJ]
First year top analysts: 65k. Everyone else: one free ShackBurger.
Related: Layoffs Watch ’08: Credit Suisse To Can Both Essential And Non-Essential Employees At Some Point In The Future
…And join Credit Suisse, where Brady Dougan promises to take full responsibility for his mistakes. At the marginally more successful, slightly less tax-evading Swiss bank in town, Callan will serve as Managing Director and head of its Global Hedge Fund Business, a position created specially for well-heeled woman. Callan’s new gig starts on September 2, which also happens to be someone‘s birthday, so hopefully she’ll be down for a joint celebration. Interestingly enough, when asked by Erin Burnett about the appointment, Jim Cramer chose to say nothing, which has never happened before. Make of that what you will.
Earlier: CFO Erin Callan, COO Joseph Gregory Out At Lehman Brothers
Layoffs Watch ’08: Credit Suisse To Can Both Essential And Non-Essential Employees At Some Point In The FutureBy John Carney
The Post reports that the marginally more successful, slightly less tax-evading Swiss bank in town plans to distribute a handful of pink slips in investment banking, probably around the time it mentions a sizable writedown with its second quarter earnings, though the “exact timing could not be learned.” The cuts are said to cover high-yield sales and trading as well as leveraged loans, and hack away at “muscle, not just fat.”
CREDIT SUISSE HEADS BACK TO THE CHOPPING BLOCK [NYP]
When the Swiss are worried, you really need to watch it.
No lesser financial news giant than Forbes reports (via Thomson Financial News) that former Credit Suisse CEO Oswald Gruebel (a likelier name for the antagonist in a spy novel with a plotline involving stolen gold you have probably never encountered) quipped “We’ve narrowly escaped a system collapse. This has never happened before.” One is tempted immediately to think of World War II, the Great Depression, the Cuban Missile crisis, but this ignores the “system collapsiness” of these events from the Swiss View. To the Swiss these are but small tremors. Trifles.
So the next time someone tells you the sub-prime mess is overblown, or that Bear Stearns should have been allowed to fail, just point them to Oswald Gruebel, and remind them that the primary Swiss concern with World War II was that it increased shipping costs.
International Financial System Was Close To The Brink [Forbes]