cupcakes

Been itching to get back into the Food Eating Challenge game but unsuccessful in finding one that combines your love of competition and hyperglycemia? Today’s your lucky day. Crumbs Cupcakes is back and not only will it be offering its cupcake the size of 9 Costco-sized sheet cakes, but even more ticking time bombs of sugar just begging to consumed under time constraints by your investment banking analyst or hedge fund intern of choice. Read more »

Apparently Twinkie-lovers worldwide are clamoring for a piece of this. Read more »

As we mentioned two seconds ago, today is Tim Geithner’s birthday, and a big one at that. The Treasury Secretary turns 50, and on a day when he’s away from his family, being held against his will, watching the market drive off a cliff, a drop for which he’ll probably be blamed, this is what his staff got him: Read more »

  • 24 Jun 2011 at 2:33 PM

Colossal Cupcake Gets The Better Of Citi Trader

On several occasions around these parts, we’ve had discussions about what constitutes a worthy food eating challenge. And, more to the point, what constitutes a food eating challenge worth covering. To understand our position, one must know the history of our writing about The Food Eating Challenge (FEC), which began with a trader named Ian AKA Oyster Boy, who, in the summer of 2007, bet that he could consume 144 oysters in one hour at Ulysses. He completed the task at hand in a mere 15 minutes and then, ate 100 more in the remaining 45 minutes (which the staff had to bring in from next door, as they’d run out after the first leg). The gauntlet had been thrown down. And while a good number of you set out to perform feats of gastrointestinal fortitude that were imaginative, topical and, most importantly somewhat difficult, some thought that endeavoring to consume 8 vending machine items in 12 hours could be considered a challenge. After a while, we stated that such combinations of quantity + time would not be chronicled on our watch, in order to save yourselves (and ourselves) the embarrassment (first and second hand) of not only thinking that what amounts to a snack could be considered something someone would have a hard time completing but the shame of not even finishing it, which happened more than once.

Which brings us to a FEC that occurred earlier today at Citigroup, the merits of which are currently being hotly debated. Read more »

As the Chairman of Citigroup, a position he’s held since February 2009, Dick Parsons sticks out a bit by comparison. Whereas Citi has at times been the world’s largest bloated, lumbering, diversified cathouse where, for a good while, nothing could go right, a highly flammable entity prone to one chaotic moment of shit hitting the fan after the next, that few wanted to get within 100 feet of Parsons is calm. Cool. “Flat-out smooth,” as BusinessWeek describes him (which is why he was hired to be the one to go make nice with Washington, according to Vikram Pandit). The magazine recently accompanied Dick to a jazz club where they got to know him a little better, on a personal level. Here’s what we’ve learned about DP:

* He thinks the city smoking ban sucks: “Michael E. Novogratz, a director of Fortress Investment Group, a New York hedge fund, gives Parsons a hug and presents him with a Montecristo cigar. Parsons looks pleased. “Oh man,” he says, “I wish we could light these up in here.”

* If you’ve lost ass-ton of money, he’s the guy you turn to for a pick-me-up: Novogratz and Parsons exchange condolences about the market, which is zig-zagging with the turmoil in the Middle East. “I lost more money this week than I did in any week in 2008,” Novogratz laments. Parsons tells him not to be so hard on himself. “Nobody knows what’s going on,” he says.

* Charm like this doesn’t need an undergraduate degree: He went to the University of Hawaii, where he partied more than he studied. After four years, he still needed six credits to get his diploma, but he discovered that if he aced his pre-law exams he could get into law school in New York state without a college degree. He did well on the test and was accepted to Albany Law School, where he graduated at the top of his class. Read more »

Fuck the SEC and its baseless charges. Screw the Rajaratman-loving director. That all pales in comparison and gravity to this. As you know Goldman has new headquarters. And guess what? Some people aren’t very happy. With the move comes a little good and a whole lotta bad. First, the good, sore consolation prizes in light shitty views and being forced to look at each other’s dicks only if you choose to do so:

* a gym with classes like “Awesome Abs.”

* a panorama that includes New York Harbor.

* Sugar and grease: “the Sky Lobby cafeteria that offers a deep panini lineup and deadly cupcakes”

And now, on with the bad. The so very bad: Read more »