Dennis Kozlowski

As you may have heard, not too long ago, the government decided to crank up the heat on alleged insider traders, devoting considerable resources to nailing these guys and girls to the wall. Phone lines have been tapped, friendships destroyed. Last year, anyone who’d ever glanced in the direction of a person who’d had a 5 minute conversation with hedge fund manger Raj Rajaratnam went down, as U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York Preet Bharara sent the message that while you all may have been used to an era of loosey-goosey, he runs a much tighter ship. To that end, those committing non-violent crimes have been sent to jail for really, really long time, even if a unique constellation of ailments ravaging their bodies meant time behind bars would most certainly kill them. And with Bharara and Co showing no signs of easing up on their targets, some of you might be worried a stay in the big house may be in your future, having wittingly or unwittingly gotten on his bad side. But you need’t be! While Raj might tell you otherwise, according to at least one guy doing time, prison is not actually so bad. In fact, you might actually enjoy it. Read more »

Remember Dennis Kozlowski? Bald guy, about yay* high? Actually kind of cherubic-looking, in that you could see him playing Cupid in the school play? Used to run this company called Tyco until he was sentenced to 8 1/3 to 25 years in prison? Anyway, quick story about Big D is that the reasons he’s in jail include but are not limited to: 1) paying himself $105 million in 2000 when maybe he should’ve taken a bit less, 2) outfitting the bathroom in his company-funded apartment with a $6,000 shower curtain that even John Thain said no to when it came to decorating his executive washroom, 3) throwing his wife a birthday party in Sardinia that cost (Tyco) $2 million, on account of the performance by Jimmy Buffett, the togas for the guests, the “ice sculpture of Michelangelo’s David spewing vodka from his penis and a birthday cake in the shape of a woman’s breasts with sparklers mounted on top,” the latter of which do not come cheap, this much we promise you. For all of that and more, D-Koz was found guilty on counts of grand larceny, conspiracy and securities fraud. Anyway, the joint has provided a lot of reflection time for DK, and recently, he sat down to share what’s on his mind. Read more »

  • 02 Jun 2010 at 4:00 PM

Dennis Kozlowski Says Steve Forbes Defamed Him

While he’s not teaching GED courses to fellow inmates, doing laundry for the child molesters in his cell unit and dreaming about vodka-pissing statues, Dennis Kozlowski is busy trying to repair his reputation. He’s given interviews to Morley Safer and other journalists and has been a model prisoner since he was convicted of fraud in 2005.

Koz is also, apparently, reading books about himself and now he’s suing billionaire Steve Forbes for what he claims are false and defamatory comments in in Forbes’ 2009 book “Power, Ambition, Glory: The Stunning Parallels Between Great Leaders of the Ancient World and Today … and the Lessons You Can Learn.” Read more »

The Koz has a new appeal pending before a federal judge in Manhattan, re: whether or not he was denied a fair trial because he “didn’t have access to prosecutorial evidence that might have helped his defense.” He’s four years into his sentence, a pretty vague 8 to 25 years and honestly? He doesn’t like prison life that much. “Horrible,” is how the Koz describes it. It’s not really laundry duty that gets to him, or the lack of birthday party/shareholder meeting/Roman orgies that feature ice sculptures pissing Vodka. What really kills DK is the assholes who smoke during his allotted time in the yard. “It’s nice if you like standing around breathing second hand smoke for two hours,” he told Fortune. Also, he finds it “galling” that Dick Fuld et al aren’t behind bars and yet here he is, having not done that much wrong, sucking in carcinogens.