depositions

Bill AckmanIt’s a burden, really. Read more »

  • Calls from his guy at the Patagonia factory saying they’re backed up with orders right now the Point72 fleeces probably won’t get shipped ’til next Thursday
  • A message that his ex-wife was spotted on the property, and that she’s bypassed security and is heading for the trading floor
  • To be informed some little shit with a 12th birthday already rented the Super Duper Weenie truck for the weekend.
  • The news that yet another one of his employees was charged with insider trading

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When one becomes a multi-billionaire, there are a few questions he or she has to ask him or herself. The first is, will I still eat my food with my own two hands or will I have someone cut it and feed it to me? Will I put my pants on myself each morning, or would it be nice to be have someone dress me, French aristocracy-style? Will I walk around like I did before becoming a man or woman of immense wealth, or will I be carried, leaving my legs to be simply ornamental? The most important question, though, is this: in the hypothetical event that I sleep with a woman on and off for five years, promise her a “dream apartment” and subsequently inform her, moments after accidentally sleeping with her one last time, that I gave it to another woman, setting off a chain of events in which names are called, lamps are thrown, and all out wars are waged, will I at some point relent and give her what she wants or will I never, and I mean ever, back down, not even after she beats the shit out of me and my staff during a deposition more than two years after this debacle began? For George Soros, the answer to that question was apparently, “BRING IT, BITCH.” Read more »

  • 21 Jul 2010 at 10:40 AM

Jeffrey Epstein Is A Free Man

The massage enthusiast’s year-long house arrest has come to an end today (it was preceded by jail time), The Daily Beast informs us with the no-frills headline “Billionaire Pedophile Goes Free.” What will Epstein do with his freedom? Will he head to Dubai, as has been suggested? Will he make the trip out to Beamers, where there’s a reasonable assurance the girls are over 14? Will he remain in Palm Beach, having come to appreciate the asses o’ octogenarians? I don’t know. I’ll tell you what I do know, though. There’s only one way to commemorate this occasion. And I think you know what I’m talking about. Read more »