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Deutsche Bank
Anshu Jain Will Get to Run Deutsche Bank With A Little Unobtrusive German Supervision
By Matt Levine
When we last checked in with Anshu Jain, Deutsche Bank’s head of corporate and investment banking, there were rumors that, despite rave reviews from the likes of Larry Fink and other DB shareholders, he might be passed over for the job of CEO at Deutsche for being (1) not German and (2) “a bond and derivatives technician at a time when the practices of all major banks are still being scrutinized.”
Fortunately for Jain, Deutsche Bank has come partially to its senses and named him to succeed CEO Josef Ackermann, who will step down in 2012. But to preserve DB’s Teutonic je ne sais quoi, Jain will have some homeland supervision: Read more »
Last week, Deutsche Bank held a party for a few hundred clients at a resort in England. The event was catered by celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal, who created “hundreds of gin and tonic meringues, cooked in front of guests in liquid nitrogen,” included spa treatments and unlimited rounds of golf and was deemed an “exquisite experience” for all attendees. Having said that, there were some behind the scenes issues when it came to the evening’s entertainment, the mistakes of which any firm planning a conference/weekend/what have you in the future should take note. Initially, Deutsche Bank, for some reason, had hoped to wow clients with a performance by the Black Eyed Peas. Unfortunately, the Germans were apparently unaware of the fact that this supergroup of artistic purists believe they’re in a position to play hard ball.
Organisers had initially contacted one of the world’s biggest bands, The Black Eyed Peas, asking them to perform instead. ‘They had offered even more money to The Black Eyed Peas to appear,’ a source revealed. ‘Unfortunately the group’s management said they refused to perform live for the bankers, even for that kind of money, and would only lip-sync to their hits.
While the Peas undoubtedly do believe they’re too good to strain their vocal chords and memorize lines for a group of financial services employees, what was clearly lost in translation was that the band has a tiering system and that this is how they negotiate. Deutsche was supposed to come back to the table and offer more, at which time Fergie would have explained to them that the bronze level (£1,000,0000) gets you a methed out Fergie (you supply the meth) plus 10 minutes of lip-syching, silver (£5,000,0000) gets you 30 minutes of lip-syching and attitude and gold gets (£10,000,0000) you an actual live performance. DB organizers did not know this, though, and simply told the Peas to piss off, as they could do better. Potential nip-slip better. Read more »
Getting out of town for the long weekend? If you’re traveling by plane, perhaps we should take a moment to review a couple of items the FAA is not cool with you stashing in your carry-on. Gulf-clubs. Cattle prods. Regular-sized bottles of shampoo. Gel-type candles. Guns. Yes, guns! It’s pretty wild but they’re still not letting people bring them on planes. If this comes as a shock, don’t feel bad because you’re not alone- it’s a crazy rule one Deutsche banker was unaware of, as well. Read more »
“This was just posted in all 60 wall st bathrooms; either we’re now in the food service industry or there’s a hygene issue.”
Say what you will about the Germans, they took this stuff in stride. Read more »
The Germans are getting sued, today, for “years of reckless lending practices.” Read more »
To The Untrained Eye, Donald Trump Might Appear To Be Good With Money, But Wall Street Insiders Are On To Him
By Bess LevinEarlier this evening, I had the opportunity to get the unvarnished thoughts of a former Deutsche Bank employee familiar with Trump from this $640-million deal gone awry on the Trump International Hotel & Tower in Chicago. Trump was sued to collect on a $40-million personal guarantee that was part of the deal. Suffice it to say, the banker held a dim view of the Donald. “[The Chicago deal] was pretty minor given all the other things going on at the time. Real estate developers do default from time to time,” he said. “But this guy has been doing it for 20 years, failing. Remember the Trump Shuttle? That’s why he’ll never run. His finances just won’t hold up to scrutiny. It’s pretty well known in financial circles that this guy is a deadbeat.” [The Atlantic]
In September 2009, Deutsche Bank employee Victoria Huxter’s colleague, Ian Whittaker, asked her if she’d like to adopt his family’s dog, a lab named Bailey. Whittaker and his wife, an apparently irresponsible woman named Leslye, hadn’t realized having two dogs (plus a horse) would be a lot of work and wanted to get rid of one, like yesterday’s trash. Huxter accepted and immediately fell in love with the pup, who she renamed Bella, finding it “more suitable for a female.” About two seconds later, Mrs. Whittaker realized she’d made a terrible mistake in abandoning her fur baby and demanded the dog back, thinking things work that way. When the Huxter declined, Leslye called the cops, who told her she was crazy and the dog was no longer hers. Still pissed about the situation nearly two years later, the couple recently proceeded with a rationale course of action that involved hiring a pet detective, who lured Bella’s walker to a park, where he stole the dog and had a camera crew film the entire thing. Read more »
Deutsche Bank Needs Less People Vomiting Outside Its Las Vegas Nightclub, More People Blowing Money In Its Casino
By Bess Levin
As you may have heard, Deutsche Bank owns a casino (/hotel) in Vegas, called the Cosmopolitan. The Germans never intended to run the joint, originally merely funding the project by developer Ian Bruce Eichner but in 2008 Eichner had to go and default on his loans. No one else wanted to invest in the place, so DB decided to man up and finish the job itself, laying out an additional $3 billion of its own money. Allowing themselves to get momentarily excited, Deutsche scrapped Eichner’s plans and hired its own team of gambling and real estate experts, architects and interior designers. The Cosmpolitan now includes “a three-story crystal-strewn bar meant to evoke the inside of a chandelier” and guests in its hotel reportedly love the massive rooms that typically sell-out. Unfortunately, the bank is nowhere near close to breaking even on its investment (and lost $139.5 million in 2010), which might have something to do with the fact that no one is gambling there. Instead, visitors think of it more as a place to eat dinner, get drunk, and then vomit while waiting to get into a club. Read more »
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