Deutsche Bank

He actually made seven of them, to be exact, and while we can’t say for sure he regrets them all (some evidence suggests he might be the type of person who’d say dating a couple strippers simultaneously was “worth it”), it’s possible he regrets *some* and certainly regrets their cumulative impact. They include:

  • Getting involved with a jealous stripper.
  • Getting involved with another jealous stripper.
  • Introducing both strippers to his daughter in violation of a court order that barred him* from doing so.
  • Taking “compromising” photos with Stripper 1.
  • Letting Stripper 1 find out about Stripper 2.
  • Letting his ex-wife find out about both of them.
  • Not paying his legal bills.

Read more »

  • 23 May 2013 at 2:13 PM

Anshu Jain’s Rosetta Stone Tapes Are PAYING OFF

“Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren, liebe Aktionäre” [Ladies and gentlemen, dear shareholders]. “Herzlich willkommen zur Hauptversammlung der Deutschen Bank” [A warm welcome to Deutsche Bank’s annual general meeting]. Deutsche Bank’s co-chief executive, Anshu Jain, Thursday awed shareholders by giving a two-page introductory speech at the bank’s annual shareholders meeting in…German. It was the moment some shareholders had been waiting for. At last year’s AGM, some German investors had voiced concern as to whether they would need to learn English in order to understand the newly elected co-chief executive of “their bank.” Mr Jain, an Indian-born with a British passport, took office almost a year ago after the shareholder’s meeting, along with co-chief executive Juergen Fitschen, a native German speaker. [WSJ]

Now that Goldman Sachs has succeeded in its mission of helping Apple fend off David Einhorn’s demand that it raise a two hundred plus billion dollars of preferred stock, I guess it’s time for someone at Goldman to sit down with Apple and say “now, guys, really, you ought to think about raising two hundred billion dollars of preferred stock, it’s just the sensible thing to do.” Or something. This debt-financed share-buyback plan doesn’t sound like too much fun for the bankers:

On April 23, Cupertino, California-based Apple said it would return an additional $55 billion in cash to shareholders to compensate for a stock that’s dropped on signs that the company’s growth is slowing. Although it has $145 billion of cash, Apple said it will use debt to help finance a total capital reward of about $100 billion to shareholders. …

Because investment-grade debt offerings typically pay low fees, banks may offer to do the transaction for little or no charge, [Sanford Bernstein analyst Brad] Hintz said.

“This is going to be a prestige-per-share, not an earnings-per-share, deal,” said Hintz, who worked as Morgan Stanley’s treasurer and as the chief financial officer at Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. earlier in his career. “We’re really talking about a deal that’s going to be done as close to gratis as you can get.”

The amount Apple will be raising is a little unclear but $50 billion over the next three years is … possible? Maybe?1 Read more »

  • 26 Apr 2013 at 1:00 PM

Deutsche Bank CFO: All Is Lost

Stefan Krause has faced up to the fact that the hedge funds will inherit the earth. Read more »

  • 17 Apr 2013 at 4:30 PM

Bonus Watch ’13: Deutsche Bank CEOs

…won’t get paid more than $12.85 this year. Read more »

Remember Deutsche Bank’s rather poor earnings report a couple of months ago? Well, it turns out that things have gotten worse, because people and regulators continue to sue Frankfurt’s most downtrodden bank. Read more »

  • 14 Mar 2013 at 4:44 PM

The Less-Colorful Eliot Spitzer Strikes Again

No jurisdiction can hold me.

Hedge fund manager Phil Goldstein once said that when Massachusetts Secretary of the Commonwealth Bill Galvin looks in the mirror in the morning, he sees Eliot Spitzer. Granted, he said this before certain aspects of Client Number Nine’s private life hit the front pages, but the point was made.

And while Spitzer moves from one failed media venture to another—undoubtedly paying very close attention to a certain South Carolina House race—Galvin still carries the torch and a copy of the Bay State’s securities law. That law must be unusually broad, because he’s used it to fine a German bank $17.5 million for naughtiness related to a CDO created with an Illinois-based hedge fund. Read more »