Tags: bullets, dogs, Hedge Funds, life on the job, semen, tough calls
As many of you are all too aware, hedge fund managers are not known for being particularly warm and cuddling with their employees. They may very well be kind, reasonable people outside the office, but within the confines of the trading floor, it is of little import to them if they come off like people on the Humane Society’s most-wanted list (and some see such distinctions as a badge of pride).
A standard question posed at portfolio managers who can’t answer Steve Cohen fast enough about a stock is, “Do you even know how to do this f*cking job?“. Ray Dalio refers to employees who don’t tell their colleagues “you suck” to their face as “slimy weasels.” In an article about how he rips traders to shreds for not being up on an extremely minor detail of an investment, it’s pointed out Paul “Second Coming of Mother Theresa” Singer “doesn’t throw things.” Louis Bacon takes the other side of subordinates’ trades.
Still, we were yet to hear of a firm where the boss has asked people 1) if they’re willing to die for him and 2) if someone would find a storage facility for his dog’s semen. Until now. Read more »
Tags: doggie cams, dogs, John C. Kelly, Maddie, prized puggles
Among other things! Like “I have some work to do, let me just set up this laptop in front of the bed.” Read more »
Tags: an elaborate system of surveillance, dogs, John C. Kelly
A former Morgan Stanley investment manager accused of secretly videotaping romps with three women claimed the camera was only intended to monitor his pooch. “I have this camera set up in my apartment to watch my dog when I’m not there,” John C. Kelly told investigators on Feb. 26, according to court papers made public Thursday. “It’s on and sometimes stays on. So I accidentally recorded myself having sex because it’s always recording.” … Daniel Parker, the defense lawyer for one of the victim’s, said Kelly posted the illicit videos on Internet sites. “He used an elaborate system of surveillance using multiple devices in both his bedroom and their homes,” said Parker. “He left a trail and it was on YouTube and Vimeo.” Kelly used a hidden camera, a web cam and a stealth phone app to film the women engaged in various sexual acts. He even installed a hidden camera in the bookshelf of his East 69th Street apartment, Park said. [NYP]
Tags: AK47s, anxiousness to impatience, bank robberies, dogs, fedoras, Greenwich, towns that take their bank robberies very seriously
At 4:57 p.m., a man [wearing a fedora-style hat and sunglasses] seen by witnesses loitering outside the People’s United Bank at 410 Greenwich Ave. walked into the branch, approached a teller and implied he had a weapon, but did not show it, police said. He then fled with an undisclosed amount of cash. Service on the busy New Haven Line was suspended for about an hour at the start of the evening commute. Trains resumed service about 6 p.m., but commuters faced delays of about an hour, according to Metro-North. When Matt Stymacks made his way to the northbound platform in Greenwich at “5 o’clock on the dot,” he said he noticed one or two police cars. “It looked nonchalant,” said Stymacks. “I noticed that they were scurrying for a bit and then out of nowhere, they had AK47s on them and police dogs and they were screaming at everyone to clear the platform immediately.” The number of police cars multiplied from two to about a dozen, he said; he never heard any gunfire. “Initially it was just very strange, because the first thing you notice is that the police have guns and dogs, so you have to assume that whoever they’re looking for appears to be a danger not just to themselves, but to everyone around,” he said. “So for a brief moment, everybody was pretty freaked out.” But as the minutes ticked away, the mood on the platform shifted from anxiousness to impatience. “There wasn’t any explanation from the cops as to what they were looking for and they weren’t telling us, `Hey, look for a person with said description.’ They just wanted everyone away from the platform — and there wasn’t any communication as far as how long it would take.” [CT Post, CF]
Tags: a great place to walk around, dogs, good cafeteria, Grace DeVito, insider-trading, portrait artists, SAC Capital
STAMFORD, Conn.– As federal prosecutors filed criminal charges against SAC Capital, it appeared to be business as usual outside the firm’s headquarters at a suburban office park about an hour northeast of New York City by train…Grace DeVito and her daughter Gaea were walking their dog Ivy and Maggie, a four-month-old German shepherd past SAC, as they do most mornings. DeVito, a 48-year-old portrait artist wearing a straw hat, said it appeared there were more security guards outside SAC than usual…“It’s usually quiet here except for the 8-to-9 and 4-to-6 traffic,” said DeVito, who said she lives nearby and wasn’t aware of the criminal indictment. “It’s a great place to walk around,” DeVito said, adding that she thinks SAC must have a nice cafeteria inside their headquarters, as she can smell good food wafting as she walks by in the morning. [WSJ]
Tags: Belize, dogs, hiding places, John McAfee, McAfee anti-virus, tips
Most individuals working on Wall Street are good, honest people. But, as with every industry, you will always have your bad seeds. And should you perhaps wake up one morning to find the Feds outside your door, because your best friend sold you out by recording your explicit instructions re: how to dispose of evidence you committed securities fraud, or you were (allegedly) part of a “criminal club” that met regularly to share material non-public information with each other, or you bribed people with lobsters to do your bidding for you, and prison life is not the life for you and you need to come up with a hiding place they’ll never find you, STAT, sand and a cardboard box are a good place to start. Read more »