DON’T EVER LEAVE US

Earlier today, as in a few minutes ago, we learned that UBS announced it would claw back 2010 bonuses for senior-ranking employees in the investment bank. This may have put a damper on some people’s commute home but in happier news? Those individuals will be getting paid for last year’s work (albeit at a slightly reduced rate) and the only strings attached are that they can never leave UBS. Read more »

Over the weekend, the LA Times reported that a group headed by Steve Cohen was among those that advanced to the second round of bidding for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Mark Cuban, “veteran baseball executive” Dennis Gilbert, and former Dodgers players Steve Garvey and Orel Hershiser are out; at the top of Cohen’s elimination list remain Magic Johnson and Joe Torre. Obviously, we have no idea whether or not the SAC Capital manager will emerge victorious. Either way, though, something about all this has been troubling us: namely how acquiring a baseball team figures into SC’s long-term plans. Read more »

Peter Nussbaum would like the record to reflect that this is just a costume Steve wears sometimes. He doesn’t *actually* look like this.

For the July issue of Vanity Fair, Bryan Burrough has the second only on the record interview with Steve Cohen. Burroughs previously hinted that he was able to seal the deal with Steve due to the fact that it would offer Cohen’s wife, Alex, a highly coveted opportunity to be shot by Annie Liebowitz. And sure, that probably helped things (the billionaire secretly loves having his photo taken, and in another life had dreams of being a male model). But beyond that, it’s clear that Steve and his people were ready for some Real Talk. Sick and tired they are of being seen as recluses who keep themselves ensconced in a hermetically-sealed full body condom. Sick and tired they are of having people assume that underneath their clothes, they’re entirely covered in scar tissue. Sick and tired they are of the whispers, the rumors, the theories, that they’re control freaks who will never let go. SICK AND TIRED THEY ARE OF THE ASSUMPTIONS THEY DON’T SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Sick and tired they are of the nicknames. And so now, they’re opening up, like never before. ‘Cause they’ve got some things they’d like to clear up. A few things they want you to know, so you don’t just go making it all up on your own. Are you ready for this truth? This truth to be laid on your ass? Steve’s general counsel, Peter Nassbaum, will start.

* And it pertains to the photo above. “Steve has been characterized unfairly,” Peter A. Nussbaum, his general counsel says, “He doesn’t have two horns and a tail.” *** Read more »