DoubleLine LLC

Okay, back to the live-blog.

Those of you who are familiar with superhero culture know that there is always a downside to have special powers. Sure, there are the highs of being able to, for instance, fight crime and fly, but more often than not, you can’t have a normal life and often times are forced to put aside the people and things you love in order to use your gift for the greater good of society. Spiderman and Batman, for example, at various times in their lives had to give up being with the women they loved due to concerns for their safety and because it wasn’t fair to the girls, always being put second to humanity, which needed their respective man’s help. Someone who knows this conflict all too well? Jeffrey Gundlach. Read more »

  • 09 Dec 2010 at 11:31 AM

This Is Why Jeffrey Gundlach Is Awesome

A lot people would probably tell you that bond investor Jeffrey Gundlach’s awesomeness stems from the staggeringly impressive sex toy and porn collection he kept in his office at TWC before he was fired/quit last year (itemized here). And while being Wall Street’s foremost dildo collector and having the entire Dr. Fellatio series, as in volumes 1-16, on hand is certainly something to admire someone for, it’s not actually the attribute that defines Gundlach or makes him stand out from the pack. Arguably, JG’s most defining characteristic– the one that just makes you want to squeeze his cheeks– is how much Jeffrey Gundlach loves himself some Jeffrey Gundlach. Read more »

  • 14 Jun 2010 at 3:05 PM

Jeffery Gundlach Addresses The Issues

Such as, how do you pronounce his last name? You might’ve assumed it was “Gund-lack” but it’s actually “Goond-lack.” Trying using it in a sentence. (If you want, take this one: “Good-lack, it’s really uncool that you haven’t returned my copy of Ass Traffic, Volume 9. Oh, what, now that you’ve got your own firm you don’t have to play by the rules?”) As for the other issues, Goond-lack completely avoids the question, which, if you want to talk about uncool, really tops. You’d think someone who previously claimed to in no way be ashamed but instead proud– as he well should be– of the library of porn in his office and the finest collection of dildos in the world wouldn’t have a problem talking Dr. Fellatio but apparently you’d think wrong.

Suck it, TCW. No, really. Do it.

Congratulations are in order for Jeff Gundlach and the DoubleLine Team! In addition to being ranked number one globally in asses (on tape), the new firm has gathered the most assets among 2010 fund launches. Naturally this calls for a celebration and a screening of Ass Traffic Volume 2 at the office would probably be most fitting, if anyone has a copy lying around. Read more »

Picture 166.pngThat’s at least the story the dildo collector told Bloomberg so okay, sure. Other things “The Godfather” (also known as “The Pope“) got off his chest include:
* The fact that he is, as previously stated, a genius:

“I am amazingly brilliant analytically,” says Gundlach, a wiry man whose short brown hair hugs his skull like a helmet.

* That the drugs, paraphernalia (“bearing evidence of recent use”), 12 sexual “devices,” 34 “hardcore pornographic magazines,” and 36 “hardcore sexually explicit DVDs and videocassettes” found in his former offices at TCW were nothing, and that attempts to use them in order to make him look bad were cheap, since it’s not like he had them scattered about the place.

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Here’s your hint: the question came from someone not only known by colleagues as a dick, but a lover of dick as well. Chrome, rubber, glass, whatever. Okay, guess.

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