dream gigs

  • jamiedimon

  • stevecohentradingfloor

    News

    SAC Capital’s Exceptional Supervisory Structure Could Use A Couple Guys Like You

    Assuming the positions have not already been filled, they’ve got openings in Boston and New York, if you know anyone looking to roll their sleeves up and get to work.

    / Jul 24, 2013 at 4:47 PM
  • saccapitalfleece

    News

    Are You Licensed To Practice Law In The State Of New York?

    Do you want to take on a man who would rather shave off his eyebrows than pay his ex-wife a dime? Do you relish the opportunity to oppose an army of highly-paid corporate lawyers with tens of thousands times the resources at their disposal? Are you not spooked by the prospect of serving as the […]

    / May 13, 2013 at 7:10 PM
  • News

    Think You Can Anticipate “The Needs And Desires” Of Lynn Tilton?

    Unhappy in your current position and desperate to make a move? Completely content but looking for opportunities for professional growth? Today’s your lucky day. Patriarch Partners founder and CEO Lynn Tilton, she of Christmas card, jello shots, whipped cream off her breasts, and “I won’t come in your mouth” fame is looking for a personal assistant.

    Job Description:
    Want to learn the private equity business from one of the most successful female business owners in the country? If so, Patriarch Partners may be just the ticket. Yale and Columbia Business School Graduate, Lynn Tilton owns the largest woman-owned business in the country and is seeking an Executive Assistant to work by her side as she endeavors to save American jobs by rescuing and turning around iconic American companies. Her current portfolio consists of 75 companies representing more than $8 billion of revenues including MD Helicopters, Rand McNally, Dura Automotive, Spiegel Catalogs and Stila Cosmetics.

    Responsibilities will include, but are not limited to the following:

    Manage Ms. Tilton’s business and personal life in the manner of a
    Congressional/Senatorial Chief of Staff

    • Liaise with the portfolio company executives
    • Manage Ms. Tilton’s travel and be available to travel at a moment’s notice
    • Provide briefs on all meetings and handle follow-up from high level meetings
    • Work closely with finance, credit, human resources and communications departments to make certain Ms. Tilton is knowledgeable at all times about the state of business at the holding company level
    • Meet and greet all clients, guests and visitors in a warm & friendly manner
    • Travel with Ms. Tilton and top executives making certain all meetings and activities run smoothly, efficiently and effectively
    • Have working knowledge of all companies in Patriarch’s portfolio
    • Be able to manage real estate properties owned by Ms. Tilton
    • Provide back-up support to the Executive Assistant when necessary; run personal errands, personal shopping, and coordinate/interact with
    household staff and vendors
    Manage daily health and well being of Ms. Tilton
    • Maintain discretion with confidential information and documents at all times

    Qualifications:
    • Bachelors Degree from top 10 college
    Have a hands on, no job too big, no job too small sensibility
    • Intelligent, warm and friendly personality with a positive attitude
    and etiquette
    • Excellent written, oral, and interpersonal skills
    • High energy personality and healthy lifestyle belief system
    • Extremely organized and proactive with impeccable attention to detail
    • Professional appearance, polished and thick skinned
    • Ability to stay calm under pressure
    • Ability to work in a fast-paced, dynamic and collaborative
    environment, flexible and adaptable to change
    • Strong work ethic, self-directed with ability to multi-task and communicate effectively with individuals at all levels of the organization
    Forward thinking always anticipating the needs and desires of Ms. Tilton
    • A sense of humor
    • Consummate computer skills: Outlook, Word, Excel, etc.
    A “do whatever it takes” mentality

    Related: This Is A Story About Lynn Tilton’s Employees Doing Jello Shots Off Her Rack
    Lynn Tilton Accused Of Physically, Verbally Assaulting Employees, ‘Barely Restraining’ Her Breasts
    Lynn Tilton: “There are three universal lies: Margins are weak, but we’ll make it up in volume; the check’s in the mail; and I won’t come in your mouth.”

    / Jun 18, 2012 at 3:23 PM
  • News

    You Don’t Become The World’s Leading Hedge Fund Manager Without Learning To Delegate The Most Critical Of Tasks

    How does a nanny earn more than the average pediatrician? The simple answer is hard work — plus a strange seller’s market that follows a couple of quirky economic principles. A typical high-priced nanny effectively signs her (and they are almost always women) life over to the family she works for…And, alas, it seems that there just aren’t enough “good” nannies, always on call, to go around. Especially since a wealthy family’s demands can be pretty specific. According to Pavillion’s vice president, Seth Norman Greenberg, a nanny increases her market value if she speaks fluent French (or, increasingly, Mandarin); can cook a four-course meal (and, occasionally, macrobiotic dishes); and ride, wash and groom a horse. Greenberg has also known families to prize nannies who can steer a 32-foot boat, help manage an art collection or, in one case, drive a Zamboni to clean a private ice rink. [NYT via BI, related]

    / Mar 20, 2012 at 3:29 PM
  • philandlisafalcone

    News

    Who Wants To Be CEO Of LightSquared?

    The dream few thought possible is now within reach, as there have been some unexpected personnel changes at the wireless company– if anyone is looking for employment, shoot Phil your resume today. The Falcone family muse was obviously offered the gig but has her hands full at the moment. 

    / Feb 28, 2012 at 1:40 PM
  • News

    Former Occupy Wall Street Protester Can Sleep At Night Knowing Few People Would Recognize Her New Employer As Being On Wall Street

    Other than when writing Penthouse forum entries or relaying tales of experimentation with barnyard animals, it’s not often that people tell stories which include the words “I never thought I’d be doing this.” On that note, remember John Thomas Financial? To recap, it’s a four year-old brokerage best known for being run by a guy […]

    / Dec 5, 2011 at 5:22 PM
  • News

    MF Global Is Hiring

    Only stipulation is that you were recently fired by the firm.

    / Nov 11, 2011 at 1:18 PM
  • Banks

    Who Wants To Be CEO Of UBS?

    As you may have heard, over the weekend, UBS CEO Oswald Gruebel informed the board that as much fun as this job’s been, he’d like to quit while still ahead. Sergio Ermotti, head of European business, has been named interim CEO and while a candidate for the gig before the whole Kweku Adoboli incident, the […]

    / Sep 26, 2011 at 10:14 AM
  • News

    UBS Puts Hiring On Ice (Update)

    Back in May, UBS AG investment-banking chief Carsten Kengeter told employees that he was “done with their complaints about pay,” and that those asking why they haven’t seen a bonus in several years “just don’t get it.” While the tough love approach may have worked for some, others felt it was too much, with one […]

    / Jul 20, 2011 at 10:27 AM
  • News

    Jim Rogers Suggests Giving Up Finance For Farming

    While there are many people who work on Wall Street for reasons that have nothing to do with money (trading gives them a thrill, they enjoy analyzing companies, they love the hours, it’s what they believe they were put on this earth to do, etc), there exists at least a handful of individuals who got […]

    / Jul 6, 2011 at 11:16 AM
  • News

    Please Identify The Dream Gig: Playing Pro Hockey Or Working As A First Year At JPMorgan

    According to Yale senior Jeff Anderson, you gotta go with the latter. The opportunity to go pro is one thing but work in the same building as Jamie Dimon? Quite another and not something you want to wake up 30 years down the road asking, what if? Anderson, who hails from British Columbia, led the […]

    / Mar 29, 2011 at 5:40 PM
  • News

    Who Wants To Be A Meter Maid?

    New York City wants to hire investment banks to improve the way assets are managed — from parking meters to buildings — but the mayor on Friday flatly rejected selling any of these valuable properties…Though investment banks and hedge funds have raised hundreds of millions of dollars to invest in publicly owned infrastructure — from […]

    / Feb 25, 2011 at 3:41 PM
  • News

    Anyone Want A Job With Meredith Whitney?

    Have you been dying to work under Meredith Whitney but hadn’t heard of any openings at the firm? Now’s your chance! As you may have heard, Whitney is starting her own ratings agency and has applied to become a Nationally Recognized Statistical Ratings Organization (NRSRO. Fortune‘s Katie Benner has some of the details, including a […]

    / Feb 3, 2011 at 1:30 PM
  • News

    Who Wants To Be Bill Ackman’s CEO?

    It’s not a hedge fund gig, per se, but you will be working directly for the Big Kahuna. Ackman and his wife Karen are looking for someone to run the Pershing Square Charitable Foundation, which has about $55 million in assets and through grants does lots of good stuff for humanity (PSCF has aided farmers […]

    / Jul 23, 2010 at 3:08 PM
  • News

    Former UK Banker, Ashmed Of Past Life, Finds Meaning In Dressing Up As Pirate

    Gordon Dickson was once Bank of Scotland’s risk officer. His career spanned several decades and made him a nice chunk of money. Then the crisis happened, the shares he’d bought over thirty years collapsed, he fell into a depression and declared he wanted nothing to do with this godforsaken industry. But he needed to find […]

    / Jul 20, 2010 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    Wanna Have The Title Of “Czar” On You Business Card?

    Now’s your chance. Comp Cop Kenneth Feinberg is abandoning his post. Get it while it’s hot.

    / Jun 23, 2010 at 6:06 PM
  • News

    Who Wants To Be A CEO?

    Have you always dreamed of running a company but not exactly gotten it together to amass the necessary qualifications? Have you thought it would be pretty cool to really just be the face of some organization (provided it’s not currently taking a little heat for some unfortunate accidents or being accused of harvesting & trafficking […]

    / Jun 18, 2010 at 1:10 PM
  • News

    Someone Might Actually Want To Work For Bank Of America Now?

    So! Now that the government doesn’t have its foot up Bank of America’s ass, is there anyone out there who’d like to run the place? Literally no one wanted the CEO job up until yesterday, but with the TARP repayment, some people are thinking this is now a dream gig any girl would kill for, […]

    / Dec 3, 2009 at 4:21 PM
  • News

    Bank Of America Board To Lock Themselves In A Room Sunday Night And Not Come Out ‘Til They Come Up With Someone Willing To Take Over For Ken Lewis, Maybe

    Charlie Gasparino reports that the Bank of America board “really, really” wants to finally pick someone to take the job of boozing it up at happy hour and then returning to the office and saying “How ’bout we do Merrill this time? That’ll be fun.” According to Gasparino, BAC is in a rush to get […]

    / Nov 20, 2009 at 1:19 PM

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