• burningmanguy


    Weather Has No Respect For Silicon Valley Billionaires

    …and the drugs they want to eat, sherpas they’re paying to haul their stuff, and free love they’re ready to unleash in the desert this week.

    / Aug 25, 2014 at 5:38 PM
  • News

    Drug Tester Gives Hedge Fund Run For Its Money Re: Talk Of Putting Employees In Body Bags

    May 2010, Structured Portfolio Management founder Don Brownstein is said to “walk around [a] crowded conference room table while slapping the palm of his hand with a baseball bat, stopping behind [a trader] while stating, ‘I’ll kill you if you leave. The only way you can leave this firm is in a body bag.'” January 2012, Millenium Laboratories really cranks things up a notch re: suggestion of what fate will befall people who attempt to leave their company:

    / Nov 16, 2012 at 4:06 PM
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    Suspend Your Meth Usage On The Trading Floor Until At Least Mid-September

    Toying with the idea of cranking things up a notch at work with a few lines of blow before the open, exploring the affects of Ecstasy on your ability to trade, smoking enough meth to lose your teeth and/or saying fuck it on casual Fridays and rolling in wearing a button down with the sleeves […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 3:39 PM
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    TCW v. Gundlach Trial Will Not Include ‘Gang Bang My Face’

    In December 2009, bond guru and self-described “genius” Jeffrey Gundlach quit TCW to start his own firm, DoubleLine LLC. When he left, his former employer alleges, he took with him TCW staff, client information, and technology, which form the basis of their suit against JG (who prefers to be called “The Pope”) that is set […]

    / Jul 22, 2011 at 10:52 AM
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    Ebullient Danielle Chiesi Has A Request/Joke For The FBI

    Appearing outside the courthouse after being sentenced to 30 months in prison for her role in the Galleon insider trading case, cracking herself up, Raj Rajaratnam’s number one gal told reporters that should she run into legal troubles again, she’d appreciate it if the FBI “knocked on my door in the afternoon, not at 6AM” […]

    / Jul 20, 2011 at 6:25 PM
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    Are You In The Market For A “Money-Making Machine”?

    Whether you need a new gig because you’ve been banned from the securities industry or just looking to supplement your income in the hopes of retiring early, might we suggest trying your hand at selling “incense” that will get you high? Derek Williams knows what we’re talking about.

    / Mar 4, 2011 at 3:03 PM
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    Guess Which Legendary Investor Has Been A Frequent House Guest Of Charlie Sheen?

    Hint: he’s had more than 900 “on the money calls,” been endorsed as “one of the greats” in this business, shares in Chuck’s love of hookers, and his sleepovers at Sheen’s may have had something to do with the fact that he was throw out of his house.

    / Feb 15, 2011 at 9:16 AM
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    Does Your Firm’s Drug Use Jibe With The New National Average?

    Meaning your colleagues’ coke use is down 29% (only about .29% are blowing rails at their desk), while their heroin and prescription opiate use is up 20% and 18% respectively since 2008? Have you walked in on them freebasing a little in the men’s room before the open? Has anyone ever asked if they could […]

    / Feb 3, 2011 at 4:00 PM
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    Financial Services Employee Attempts To Paint Picture Of Coke Consumption In Hong Kong

    Attempt 1: “The financial community here is buried in white powder.“

    / Nov 4, 2010 at 9:30 AM
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    Any Investors Want To Back This Entrepeneurial Chemist And Drug Dealer Duo?

    As the owner of a construction business, the housing market’s turn for the worst is 2008 spelled trouble for David Llwelleyn. After he was forced to close up shop, Llwelleyn found himself at a crossroads faced by many victims of the recession– take some soulless gig just because it was available and paid the bills […]

    / Nov 1, 2010 at 11:30 AM
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    Fox Business Anchor Shares Tip For Pulling All-Nighter

    Fox Business’s Neil Cavuto is has told his staff to “bring cots and enough Red Bull to keep going” ’til 2 in the morning on election night, when programming will be focused on what the results mean for Wall Street. But what is Cavuto’s personal game plan? Glad you asked.

    / Oct 28, 2010 at 12:50 PM
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    Wall Street Much Better At Hiding Crack Habit, OxyContin Than General Population

    Has the financial crisis taken a toll on your drug usage? Fuck no, says recently released data. While only 2 percent of the finance industry failed drug tests last year, according to a firm that screens around 270 shops, versus 3.6% of all workers, those numbers are merely reflective of the fact that most finance […]

    / Aug 20, 2010 at 1:30 PM
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    South American Beauty Queens Demonstrating Remarkable Business Acumen, Nose For Drug Trade

    Have you been looking to jump ship but not yet found a shop well-suited to your needs and interests? Have you considered becoming a “model-mule”? It’s a booming field and you should get in when there are still openings available. Sexy and daring women are appearing on most-wanted lists in the United States, Mexico and […]

    / Mar 31, 2010 at 12:45 PM
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    Jeffrey Gundlach Cracked His Rib “Tripping Over A Computer Cable”

    That’s at least the story the dildo collector told Bloomberg so okay, sure. Other things “The Godfather” (also known as “The Pope“) got off his chest include: * The fact that he is, as previously stated, a genius: “I am amazingly brilliant analytically,” says Gundlach, a wiry man whose short brown hair hugs his skull […]

    / Feb 17, 2010 at 5:08 PM
  • News

    Senator Larry?

    If it feels like the world is ending today it’s not because of a light dusting but rather that one DC resident is saying he has no problem whatsoever with Dimon and Blankfein’s bonuses, there was an earthquake in Chicago this morning and someone thinks Larry Kudlow could get elected to the Senate.

    / Feb 10, 2010 at 3:01 PM
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    God Had Paulson’s Back During The Crisis, Sarah Palin Got Too Close For Comfort

    Hank Paulson’s memoir, The Day I Threatened To Break Ken Lewis’s Legs, is out February 1. Presumably there’ll be many pages devoted to the topic closest to the the former Treasury Secretary’s heart– birds– but today we get a sneak peak at the role of another one of HP’s homeboys– God. As most of you […]

    / Jan 28, 2010 at 11:46 AM
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    Jeffrey Gundlach NOT Set Up By TCW, Big Fan Of “Dr. Fellatio” Series

    Last week we wondered aloud whether or not former TCW CIO Jeffery Gundlach had been set up by his employer to look like a sex-crazed maniac. To recap, Gundlach is being sued by TCW for, among other things, conspiracy, unfair competition and theft of proprietary (Gundlach started his own firm last month, DoubleLine LLC). The […]

    / Jan 11, 2010 at 3:20 PM
  • News

    Did TCW Set Up Jeffrey Gundlach To Look Like A Sex-Crazed Maniac?

    Yesterday we discussed the matter of Jeffrey Gundlach, who is being sued by his former employer, TCW Group. The Los Angeles-based asset manager is claiming, among other things, that Gundlach and a bunch of ex-employees stole TWC proprietary information to be used in a new company launched last month, DoubleLine LLC. The other “things” being […]

    / Jan 8, 2010 at 12:57 PM

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