• lloyd blankfein gary cohn


    Bonus Watch ’15: Start Breathing Into A Paper Bag Now

    Don’t want to get anyone upset over nothing or be unnecessarily alarmist but there is a slight possibility that shitty earnings may translate to shitty bonuses.

    / Jan 16, 2015 at 3:25 PM
  • News

    Now Let’s Go To Senior Wall Street Genitalia Correspondent Charlie Gasparino With More. Charlie?

    famous james gorman/body language meter predicting "decent" earns ppl @MorganStanley say "hes walking around like his d–k is at half mast" — Charles Gasparino (@CGasparino) January 16, 2015

    / Jan 16, 2015 at 3:06 PM
  • Gets it


    Area Human Couldn’t Contain Himself Re: JP Morgan’s Earnings

    JP Morgan Chase’s third-quarter results were published more than three hours ahead of schedule because of a mistake by Shareholder.com, the investor-communications company owned by Nasdaq OMX Group Inc. “The root cause was a human error internally at Shareholder.com,” Ryan Wells, a Nasdaq spokesman, said in an e-mailed statement. Shareholder.com provides companies with Internet services […]

    / Oct 14, 2014 at 2:28 PM
  • Bill Ackman


    07/28/14: The Greatest Day Of Bill Ackman’s Life Thus Far

    The day the Feds start listening to Ackman and shut down Herbalife will surely take the cake, but until then, this will have to do:

    / Jul 28, 2014 at 5:50 PM
  • citi

    oh that

    $7 Billion Settlements Aside, Citi’s Earnings Are Kick-Ass

    Citigroup‘s profits tumbled 96 percent in the second quarter, dragged down by a huge charge related to its recently announced deal with the Justice Department to settle an investigation into its sale of mortgage securities in the run up to the financial crisis. The charge for the legal settlement totaled $3.8 billion, marring an otherwise […]

    / Jul 14, 2014 at 12:34 PM
  • harvey-schwartz-2


    Goldman Avoided Talking About Leverage A Lot This Morning

    GS had earnings today and I guess they weren’t that good but all anyone ever wants to talk about on earnings calls these days is leverage ratios. That I suppose is a sociologically interesting fact: is banking a business of selling stocks and bonds and loans and whatnot, or is it a business of optimizing […]

    / Jul 16, 2013 at 1:44 PM
  • Fun fact: Bess's Marie Claire interview is the #1 Google hit for "Marianne Lake"


    JPMorgan Talked About Leverage A Lot This Morning

    One of the pleasures of every JPMorgan quarterly earnings call is hearing Jamie Dimon’s, and now Marianne Lake’s, authoritative-sounding pronouncements on proposed regulations. You sometimes get the sense that regulations can’t be adopted without Dimon’s approval, so his views on these calls provide some sort of indicator of which of the proposals might actually happen. […]

    / Jul 12, 2013 at 10:13 AM
  • We ... love ... raising ... capital


    Deutsche Bank Goes Back To Improving Its Balance Sheet In The Traditional Ways

    I’m beginning to get the hang of how Deutsche Bank works, which seems to be: When they lose money, that strengthens their capital position, and When they make money, that weakens their capital position, requiring them to sell shares. Maybe? Three months ago we talked about how … well, I said “Deutsche Bank Improved Its […]

    / Apr 29, 2013 at 4:14 PM
  • GWM = Global Wealth Management obvs


    Morgan Stanley Slowly Approaching Its Goal Of Becoming Boring

    So Morgan Stanley announced earnings today and people are sad because FICC trading wasn’t so hot. Asset management and wealth management are okay though? Anyway here’s a guy: “The fixed-income rebuild hasn’t worked as well as they had hoped,” David Trone, an analyst with JMP Securities LLC in New York, said in a Bloomberg Radio […]

    / Apr 18, 2013 at 2:17 PM
  • harvey-schwartz-260x195

    Goldman Sachs

    Goldman Had A Quarter

    Honestly bank earnings week has been a little boring, no? It’s been quarters since anyone announced a six billion dollar trading loss, and the recent news is pretty much modest beats from a diverse mix of businesses and where is the fun in that I ask you. Financial-market memories are short and … have negative […]

    / Apr 16, 2013 at 12:18 PM
  • Still not a lot of  pictures of him but he's working on it.


    Mike Corbat Gets An A- For The Quarter From Mike Corbat

    Citi announced its quarter this morning and there are various ways to tell that it was good, of which “the stock was up” is probably the main one. A possibly less objective test is that, back in March, Mike Corbat told everyone how he would grade himself, if he was grading himself. As he put […]

    / Apr 15, 2013 at 3:23 PM
  • Wow is this ever the face of a man not having any fun.


    J.P. Morgan Isn’t Doing This For Fun You Know

    Yesterday JPMorgan research released a 328 page report arguing that global tier 1 investment banks were “un-investable,” and today JPMorgan reported record first-quarter earnings of $1.59 per share versus $1.40 consensus, so I guess it sort of looks like there’s a disconnect. But not really? Here are the analysts on banking regulation: We believe Tier […]

    / Apr 12, 2013 at 2:48 PM
  • News

    Deutsche Bank May Have Underestimated How Litigious People Are About The Whole Mortgage Catastrophe Thing

    Remember Deutsche Bank’s rather poor earnings report a couple of months ago? Well, it turns out that things have gotten worse, because people and regulators continue to sue Frankfurt’s most downtrodden bank.

    / Mar 20, 2013 at 7:03 PM
  • Slide 24. I like the color scheme: "the gray is the bits we're ashamed of."


    Deutsche Bank Improved Its Balance Sheet By Losing A Lot Of Money

    Bank earnings season is always a little surreal, I guess because there’s an inherent surrealism about banking. Deutsche Bank reported earnings today,1 and those earnings had an up-is-down quality that Bloomberg’s summary captured in this amazing sentence:2 Deutsche Bank AG, Europe’s biggest bank by assets, exceeded a goal for raising capital levels as co-Chief Executive […]

    / Jan 31, 2013 at 2:04 PM


    Citi CEO Knows This Idea Sounds Crazy But Just Hear Him Out, Okay?

    Back in October when Mike Corbat was dragged from bed in the middle of the night to take over the top job at Citigroup after Vikram Pandit’s ouster, he did a hastily assembled damage-control conference call while still wearing his footie pajamas. On this call CLSA analyst Mike Mayo surprised Corbat by asking him a […]

    / Jan 18, 2013 at 12:06 PM
  • Sources: GS earnings release, Google Docs, my own two hands, random errors introduced by me, etc.


    Goldman Welcomed New CFO With A Nice Earnings Beat

    If you read a lot of media coverage of Goldman Sachs earnings you get the sense that the most important number the firm reports is average compensation per employee, which this year was a nice oh-so-close-to-round $399,506. I CONCUR, of course.1 Also of interest is the comp ratio, which was only 39% this year, as […]

    / Jan 16, 2013 at 5:54 PM
  • The boxes on top are filled with AFS securities


    Wells Fargo Mostly Putting Deposits Into Gold Ingots These Days

    Bank earnings season kicked off today with Wells Fargo’s announcement, and since I have nothing really to say about Wells Fargo earnings I figured the least I could do was put up some charts instead. Not on earnings – they’re up! net interest margin is down! on balance, gnash your teeth a little! – but […]

    / Jan 11, 2013 at 1:32 PM
  • Meh.

    Banks, News

    Banking Boring Again Even At Credit Suisse

    One way to make a lot of money in banking is just to be really good at it. But this is not a very good way! There are lots of people who want to make a lot of money in banking, and all of them1 have at least considered the approach of “just be good […]

    / Oct 25, 2012 at 4:28 PM

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