emails

…and that would be that he’s too good for Wells Fargo, and he’s wasting his time trying to score a position with the firm. In sum, it’s not him, it’s you, a notion he expressed in an email circa 5AM on Sunday.

From: [redacted]
Sent: November 24, 2013 5:27 AM
To: [redacted at Wells Fargo]
Subject: Disregard My Application

Dear [redacted at Wells Fargo],

After thinking it over I would like to disregard my application I sent this past week out for recruitment for Wells Fargo securities. Looking at my resume again I realize I can do way way better than Wells Fargo and I don’t want to settle for less. Please don’t take it personally. Thanks for your time. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving holiday.

Cordially,

[redacted]

And the below went out circa 2AM this morning, just to emphasize the point. Read more »

The question comes from a budding CPA but surely there are would-be bankers, traders, hedge fund managers out there asking themselves the same thing, looking for an answer before it’s too late.

From: [redacted guy]
Sent: Tuesday, October 01, 2013 11:05 PM
To: [redacted girl at Deloitte]
Subject: Question

Hey [redacted girl at Deloitte],

We talked a couple weeks back at the [university] accounting night. (I was the one looking for equity research positions and had a zit on my lip that could have passed for a cold sore. Lol. Whew. It was not. You’re probably like, “uh.. What?” Maybe that helps you recall, maybe not. Not completely important, I suppose.

Read more »

  • 19 Jul 2013 at 5:34 PM

BMO Capital Markets Analyst Is Headed For Space

No, not really. But when so many farewell emails can veer into an uncomfortable To: All of trying way too hard for comedy gold, this one ought to be acknowledged for including the words “highly experimental civilian space travel program coordinated by NASA,” not biting off more than it can chew, and not trying to be a hero. Read more »

If Tommy “I will run you over in the street” Belesis ever beats those fraud charges, the first thing he does is contact the writer of this letter to sign up for a 2-week intensive course that involves shadowing the master around campus (there is much to learn). The rest of you: take notes. Read more »

  • 05 Mar 2013 at 6:50 PM

Person Sends Email To Jamie Dimon

We* don’t really find it particularly amusing amusing or post-worthy that a Jefferies employee misguidedly put Jamie Dimon on an email about a working group list but judging by the number of people who’ve sent it to us, this is the height of banking humor, so here you go: Read more »

Clients were informed of the turn of events today in a rather terse email that may or may not have concluded, “So that’s all, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Read more »

From: [redacted]
To: BarCap TMT Group
Sent: Wednesday, June 27, 2012 12:21 PM
All,

At last night’s event, we were disappointed by the poor representation of senior bankers. We truly appreciate Pat, David and Ranjot for showing up and expressing support and gratitude. However, the fact that only three of 21 senior bankers decided to show up speaks to a fundamental flaw in the culture of our group.

Read more »