Funny YouTube clips generally ease the sting of rejection, yes?
The Amazon employee handbook is apparently just a box set of “The Hunger Games” trilogy.
We want to invite you out for a night of drinking and yelling that we’re hosting alongside our bros at Above the Law. Join us on Feb 18th in NYC for an open bar and a short panel discussion featuring special guests! Think of it as a boozy safe space to defend your role in the destruction of America.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Join us on a trip down memory lane.
An automated e-mail reply from the Bank of America Corp. account of Rurik Jutting yesterday […]
Update: While the below is in fact “real” (as in it was an email sent […]
…and that would be that he’s too good for Wells Fargo, and he’s wasting his […]
Corporate venture capital has begun to rival “traditional” venture capital and angel investing in its importance as an investment source for healthcare industry innovation. However, unlike VCs and angels, there is a dearth of information on how the various players in the corporate venture sector operate.
The question comes from a budding CPA but surely there are would-be bankers, traders, hedge […]
Standard & Poor’s asked a federal judge on Monday to dismiss a U.S. Justice Department […]
If Tommy “I will run you over in the street” Belesis ever beats those fraud charges, the first thing he does is contact the writer of this letter to sign up for a 2-week intensive course that involves shadowing the master around campus (there is much to learn). The rest of you: take notes.
We* don’t really find it particularly amusing amusing or post-worthy that a Jefferies employee accidentally or misguidedly put Jamie Dimon on an email about a working group list but judging by the number of people who’ve sent it to us, this is the height of banking humor, so here you go:
Clients were informed of the turn of events today in a rather terse email that may or may not have concluded, “So that’s all, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
John W. Henry & Co., a trading firm controlled by the principal owner of baseball’s Boston Red Sox, told clients it will stop managing their money amid dwindling assets and slumping returns. “This is to notify you that JWH has determined to cease managing client assets effective December 31, 2012,” Amy B. Hanson, a marketing manager of the firm, wrote in an email to clients on Friday. “We will not be providing performance information going forward.” John W. Henry said it will continue to do some trading for its own account. The firm, which managed more than $2.5 billion in 2006, today oversees less than $100 million, Mr. Henry said in an email.
To: BarCap TMT Group
Sent: Wednesday, June 27, 2012 12:21 PM
At last night’s event, we were disappointed by the poor representation of senior bankers. We truly appreciate Pat, David and Ranjot for showing up and expressing support and gratitude. However, the fact that only three of 21 senior bankers decided to show up speaks to a fundamental flaw in the culture of our group.
As some of you may recall, a month after Lehman Brothers went under, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform released an interesting email Dick Fuld had sent to LEH vice-chairman Thomas Russo on Saturday, April 12, 2008, circa midnight. Dick had just come back from a dinner with Hank Paulson and was so excited to relay the details he couldn’t wait ’til the next day to get in touch with Russo, who he apparently viewed as his “teacher.” Fuld said his key “takeaways” were that the government loved Lehman, that Paulson wanted to “kill the bad hedge funds” (like those diabolical shorts Fuld knew were to blame for his problems), and that while the then Treasury Secretary appeared to have a “worried view” of Merrill Lynch, Dick got the sense that Paulson thought Lehman was in terrific shape. Per the bankruptcy documents put online last week, here’s how the rest of the conversation between Fuld and his Sensei went.
As previously mentioned, if one were inclined to relive the fall of Lehman Brothers, one could do so via the bankruptcy documents that were recently made available online. There you’ll find, among other things, countless examples of what has been said so many times since September 15, 2008, which is that it’s amazing how delusional the people at the very top were, vis-à-vis the firm’s solvency/what people thought of it/everything. Also worth marveling at? The fact that Lehman lasted as long as it did with what appear to be barely literate troglodytes running the place.
[The following dialogue is re: CITIC considering an investment in a US bank and the suggestion that it is more interested in Bear Stearns.]
Sent: March 28, 2012 9:12 AM
Subject: Spring Ahead
For those with direct/indirect coverage responsibilities, pls take out your lists today to remind yourselves who we have money out to and that your name is on the ComCom coverage team that got that money approved. Anecdotal observation I conclude is that where we pay attention in some reasonable, non-trivial ways (meeting, meal, call, insightful email), we get paid back in flow DCM capital markets participation
It’s just how this game works, the money doesn’t flat out speak for us, we need to speak for it, and we don’t have to stomp/yell, just be around, consistently the more frequency, the more client comfort, the more they feel reminded of their commercial obligations to us, the easier it is for them to remember to take care of us — lubricate to prevent rust, just like a motor engine or morning exercise
We’ve been printing something almost every week this spring, keep the momentum while it’s here, and make it grow so it lasts into trough times
If you think this message is meant for someone else, it’s probably for you too, it is for us all, so don’t look sideways for some sort of peer-level comfort, look to your career, which is your clients
Junior bankers pushing cogent observations up are as important as senior bankers pushing that stimulus out to clients — make your time matter most, you own it the world is still an uncertain place, which means our individual and collective ability to create opportunity and make a personal impact is here and now
Various of us have teamed up very well on multiple and diverse endeavors within this 2012 Budget year to close out Tier 1, and then re-populate it, so it matters for our Fiscal 2012
In doing so, we have become a Burden to our competitors and a Benefit to our clients, as it should be
Those recently Burdened by our direct sharp edge into their fee pie and who would otherwise prefer that we be unmotivated, disorganized, lazy-minded, subservient and acquiescent include:
[list of every large bank]
With no due respect to their no longer deserved incumbency, I like being where we are, doing what we’re doing, and how we’re doing it, working and Winning, without the Charlie Sheen meltdowns along the way
Welcome to Top 10 there’s more food on those complacent plates, they’re distracted by entitlement, not watching the table, it’s time for the hungry to eat
We Hunt and We Gather, sometimes alone, sometimes together both strategies work, and have since mankind became sentient
Wherever your personal preferences and natural tendencies may lead you, rise above that and evolve to a more meaningful Hunter/Gatherer contributor to this increasingly productive tribe — the bigger payout kills require larger organized squads — wolves hunt in packs for a reason, and every pack needs it’s field leader to be best organized — it’s the time-tested proven best use of a wolf pack’s collective energy — if they waste it, they starve in winter — we’re graduating to wolf pack status, it’s got our competitors looking, watching, wondering — for those who’ve never operated within a wolf pack, come aboard and enjoy the living/learning-by-doing experience!
Sent: Tuesday, March 27, 2012 4:57 PM
Subject: The end of my rope.
Ten days ago I entered the kitchen at 6 pm at the end of the day to find a sink full of dirty dishes. I cleaned them and put them in the dishwasher. Today I just went in the kitchen and again there is a sink full of dirty dishes.
Let me make this clear. THERE IS A SIGN OVER THE SINK FOR A REASON…..no one in this office is paid to be your personal janitor. If I catch anyone leaving their dirty dishes in the sink, you will be fired.
President and Chief Operating Officer
Obviously this an amazing story we’re going to be following closely. At this time we do have a few questions that need answering and they are: 1) What was the first thought that crossed this guy’s mind upon entering the kitchen and seeing the mess yesterday? Was it “These filthy fucking animals”? 2) What level of slop are we talking about here? Was it every available fork and stacks and stacks of plates with disgusting crusted-on grease or was it, like, a water glass and he’d just reached that point where one more dirty dish pushes you over the edge? 3) His boss is a billionaire who might very well think he’s paying someone to act as a personal janitor– if he’s one of the culprits will the same vigilante justice and dressing down be served? 4) Has he installed surveillance cameras to monitor the area? On the one hand, this email would suggest that yes, he most certainly has. On the other, though, he sort of sounds like he’s so pissed about this shit that he’s going to shelve all of his other responsibilities in order to devote himself full time to staking out the kitchen and nailing these lowlifes.
For about a year now, Bernie Madoff has been holding court with various members of the press about something that’s been plaguing him: the fact that few people if any are willing to give credit where credit is due. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people’s lives, including those of his wife and children, one of whom committed suicide as a result, but he did a lot of other stuff too, like run a “successful business” for which he won lots of “industry awards” during his “legitimate years.” And, yet, everyone seems to forget all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forgot about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special. And since he’s serving a 150 year sentence, Berns has had lots of time to ponder why his years of legitimate achievements go unmentioned and the one thing he keeps coming back to? Irving Picard, who’s pulled a fast one on you all, by suggesting that Bernie’s crime started wayyyyy before it did, when, in fact, Madoff Securities was only running a Ponzi scheme for barely even 20 years. Examine the evidence Madoff shared with Forbes contributor Diana B. Henriques via email:
Jan. 17, 2011 11:05 A.M. … Also remember that the U.S. Attorney admitted that they had no evidence that the crime started in the 80’s and could establish that Montauk and the N.Y. homes in Ruth’s name were not purchased with tainted funds …
Mar. 10, 2011 7:35 A.M. … I would love to know what evidence [Picard] has to date my crime back to 1983 … THE FACT IS THAT THERE IS NONE.
8:05 A.M. … I say once again the fraud started in the 90’s …
Mar. 18, 2011 9:26 A.M. … I guess I’m obsessed with this START OF CRIME ISSUE.
Don’t you see, idiots of the media?! That’s the real issue here. Not the crime itself but the start of the crime. Do the math.
Oct. 11, 2011 7:20 A.M. … You can do a back of the envelope calculation as follows. From 1963 I made substantial arbitrage profits for the Picower, Shapiro and Chais families joined by the Levy family in 1970. [M]ost of these profits were reinvested and the amounts compounded. In 1970 Saul Alpern formed his partnerships later [run] by Avellino and Bienes. In 1980 I started trading for [French banker] Albert Igoin and his French and Swiss banking associates. All of these accounts averaged about 20% annually and were involved in various forms of convertible arb using bonds, pfds [preferreds], Rts. [rights] and units. [A]nd ALL WERE LEGITIMATE TRADING. THIS CONTINUED THRU THE EARLY 90’S.
Nov. 24, 2011 6:51 P.M. … When you look at my RIDDLE [in the Nov. 23 letter], consider the fact that there was in fact no crime until I did not have enough capital in the firm to cover the losses. There is your real STORY
The interesting thing here is not that there was an 11-figure fraud, okay? The interesting thing is how long the 11-figure fraud went on. And it stinks to high hell that that slippery fuck Picard and Co. are claiming it dates back to 1983 and that you’re all buying it, hook, line and sinker. Come on, people. They’re lawyers. Who are you gonna trust, them or a Ponzi schemer? But don’t feel sorry for Bernie. Feel sorry for yourselves, for what could have been and what never was.
Near the end of that e-mail the clouds of self-deception close in again, and Madoff turns himself into a pitiful martyr: “I made the tragic mistake of trying to change the way money was managed and was successful at the start, but lost my way after a while and refused to admit that I failed at one point.”
HE WAS TRYING TO THE WAY MONEY WAS MANAGED! A legitimate way to make Ponzi scheme payments, before it was tragically snuffed out.
Oct. 11, 2011 7:36 A.M. … I will never get over the distortions being presented by everyone as to the poor and now homeless when in fact they all signed documents when opening their accounts that they were sophisticated and had enough wealth to withstand the possible losses of short term trading. I wish I had saved the hundreds of letters I received thanking me for how I was responsible for their happiness over the years and their pleading with me to keep their accounts open when I tried to close them … when I worried about the wreckage I might cause if I couldn’t recover.
Is the REAL STORY that the investor agreements specifically authorized BLMIS to make Ponzi scheme payments (a totally legitimate type of securities transaction, a short term trade if you will)? Unless someone pulls their head out of their ass, the world will never know.
Those of you who’ve been in the working world for a while have probably experienced […]
Yesterday afternoon, we met David Gray, a JPMorgan investment banker whose love interest had yet […]
As we surely needn’t tell you, when one is a high-powered college student expecting to […]
From: Richard Bove Sent: Friday, September 09, 2011 05:58 AM Subject: Predictions
The Ponz Master apparently emailed Gasparino to tell him as much last night and to […]