footnotes

  • philfalconeofficehockeystick-260x3371

    News

    Phil Falcone Can Now Devote Himself Full Time To Building A Low-Cost Wireless Network That’s Going To Blow Your Mind

    Remember, back in 2009, when Phil Falcone’s personal accountants realized that the hedge fund manager owed the government more than $100 million in state and federal taxes? And he decided to come up with the cash by “loaning” himself $113 million from a gated investor fund? It’s one of our favorite Falcone stories and we […]

    / Aug 19, 2013 at 5:07 PM
  • WolverineSnow

    News

    “Alumnus Of The Best Private High School In America” Wants Potential Employer To Understand That It Is HE Who Is Rejecting THEM

    6 December 2012. Do you know the significance of this date? It was the day “an MBA holder, active MENSA member, alumnus from both the ‘best public high school in the USA’ according to the Wall Street Journal and the best private high school (Philips Academy Andover) in America” was treated “in a manner [considered] highly offensive and unusual in ANY* Western nation,” by a HR representative of a firm from which he was seeking employment. And although said “MBA holder, active MENSA member, alumnus from both the ‘best public high school in the USA’ according to the Wall Street Journal and the best private high school (Philips Academy Andover) in America” was already informed that he was unqualified for the job he’d applied for, a 1,057 word email detailing his experience and informing the company that he was calling shotgun on rejecting them, plus a threat, nay, a promise to go public with his grievances, seemed in order.

    / Dec 10, 2012 at 3:51 PM
  • News

    Cliff Asness Wants To Be Thanked For Paying Taxes, Is Pissed Cash For Clunkers Didn’t Involve Killing Nazis

    Something you may or may not know about Cliff Asness is that by day, he is a hedge fund manager but by night he is the second coming of his hero, Captain America. Like the Captain, the AQR founder believes his duty is to defend America, only instead of fighting Axis Powers, Asness’s enemies are liberal Commie Socialists hell-bent on destroying this country. Because his shield has been in the shop for repairs for the past couple years, Cliff has been forced to use other weapons to pummel his foes, namely writing amazingly witty1 emails to his friends and colleagues about how much Obama et al suck. Most recently, Captain Asness circulated “Some Useful Definitions to Understand Our Modern Progressive World,” a little glossary of unalphabetized terms he put together sure to cut his adversaries deeply. (The Captain also helpfully pointed out in a footnote that many of the definitions were “written sarcastically as a faux left-winger, [while] some [are] just conservative/libertarian interpretations of what the left really means,” in case that was lost on his audience.) They include:

    - The 1%
    Definition: Those who pay more than 1/3 the total federal income tax and are never thanked for it. More generally, they are responsible for all evil in the world today (unless they work in Hollywood or hitech in which case they are “honorary 99%-ers” regardless of income, tax rate, and lifestyle).

    Cash for Clunkers
    Definition: What we came up to replace World War II as stimulus. Many perfectly good cars destroyed, no Nazis defeated.

    Rights
    Definition: A more extreme form of “entitlement” defined above. Note that modern usage throws out
    the long tradition of natural rights only of a negative nature, that is, the right not to have something
    done to you, for rights of a positive nature, that is, the right to certain goods and services, like health
    care, Apple products, and soy milk. Since, no matter how important these items are, these modern
    positive rights must still be produced and taken from others, essentially the word “rights” now often
    stands for a system of slavery and theft.
    2

    Some Useful Definitions [PDF]

    1Definition: …
    2The fuck?

    / Jun 27, 2012 at 2:28 PM

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