Germans

Have you ever made plans to get drinks with someone, met for said drinks, determined if there was any chemistry between the two of you, made a decision to have sex with that person based on whether or not you were attracted to him or her, and, if you were and did, went home the next day after breakfast without money being exchanged? Then congratulations! You are a small business owner, according to a group of German entrepreneurs. Read more »

  • 07 Feb 2012 at 2:50 PM

Bonus Watch ’12: Deutsche Bank

Today is bonus communication day at DB and while there are no specifics to be had just yet, apparently those hoping their decision to do the bare minimum last year would be handsomely rewarded were in for a disappointment. Read more »

Some employees are preemptively miffed and, frankly, insulted.

“Deutsche bonus structure for Associates-Directors was revealed today:

*Up to eur50, all cash.
*Eur50-100, 70% deferred. Yes…
*Eur100+, 85% deferred.”

Read more »

They’re willing to entertain an offer. Read more »

As you may have heard, the last 6 to 12 to 36 months months have been somewhat trying for UBS investment bank chief Carsten Kengeter. Profits haven’t been exactly what he’d hoped for, the people of Stamford have (more or less) vowed to beat him with a sack of reeds should the Swiss so much as entertain the idea of leaving Connecticut, employees won’t stop jumping down his throat for one second about getting paid, there was the somewhat unfortunate matter of a $2 billion fraud coming to light, no one will give his team credit for their legitimate months and, to top it all off, it looks like he might not get that promotion he’s been gunning for and was hinted he was in the running for in his last annual review. Most recently, he’s been tasked with firing a whole bunch of employees, a sore point for those not thrilled about potentially loosing their jobs or seeing their colleagues let go. And so, despite all the stress he’s been going through, despite the higher-ups in Zurich riding him like Zorro, and despite things really not going his way, Kengeter dug deep and summoned the troops for a morale boosting session, the message of which he thought would’ve been a big hit. Read more »

  • 25 Oct 2011 at 1:11 PM

Layoffs Watch ’11: Deutsche Bank

The Germans said this morning that 1) employees will face the ax if the “environment” doesn’t improve a-SAP 2) these cuts would be on top of those previously announced and 3) have you ever wondered why DB hasn’t had to announce that it’s letting go of 20 or 30 or 40,000 people? According to Stefan Krause it’s because the bank has been “proactive” about cutting staff, doing a little bit each day so it’s not overwhelming. Read more »

  • 31 Aug 2011 at 1:45 PM

Got Plans This Weekend?

UBS invites you to get linguistic. Read more »

  • 20 Jul 2011 at 5:44 PM

Who Wants To Be CEO Of UBS?

The bank isn’t hiring anyone at the moment and current CEO Oswald Gruebel has said he’s not leaving anytime soon but, naturally, they’d like to be prepared when the moment comes. Would you or someone you know be the right person for the job? Prerequisites for the gig include “the charisma to run a place like UBS” and being any nationality but German. Read more »