Around the office they’re known as “Trader One,” “Trader Two,” and “Trader Three,” but you can call them Tiffany, Blake, and Uncle Jim. Continue reading »
getting to know you
A few weeks ago, an unnamed Securities and Exchange Commission worker got in a bit of trouble with his employer for checking out a little porn while on the job. Mystery Man made at least 1,800 logged attempts to check out some sites that included www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com, which, he admitted, “were kind of distraction per se.” But he had a good reason for what we personally think is a very mild offense, which is that he had a lot of work to do, and it was stressing him out. And without knowing the facts, many have just been so quick to judge, without really hearing the guy out, which we think is unfair, and not the way *you* would want to be treated, were you to find yourself in the position of having to defend time spent on TrannyTit. You’d want a chance to explain yourself, and since surely this fellow does too, we’ve excerpted the relevant portions of his conversation with the lawyer sent in to investigate the matter. First, some background:
Next, Q&A:
Q: Can you say how long you may have been engaged in viewing pornography? Is it a recent development?
A: I don’t know if I can give you a time frame in all honesty… I guess depending on how you define “a long time.” I think, you know, there’s clearly probably times like I said earlier, where you know, I did not look at this material, did not search for the material, you know. I think the frequency increased as I felt a little more stressed, which was kind of very cyclical in nature, I think, because then, you know, I’d have work to do and would then have to take it home and work, you know, just to keep up. And then that would stress me out even more, you know.
Q: Our records show that on Wednesday, August 20th, beginning at 3:17PM, you made approximately 385 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyx.com. Do you have recollection of attempting to access this site?
A: I do not. But as I indicated previously, that, you know, would not necessarily surprise me. Continue reading »
As previously mentioned, Tim Geithner recently embarked on a pussy-offensivepussy outreach program. Whether it’s that he’s trying to gain fans among those who’ve got ‘em, has one himself, or a little bit a of both matters not. He’s going grocery shopping, he’s showing his emotions, he’s appearing in Vogue. And from the last, we’ve learned a few things about Timbo we’d previously never known. Such as:
* He’s somehow convinced people he “has the kind of looks that can go either way: Half an inch one way he’s John F. Kennedy; half an inch the other he’s Lyle Lovett.”
* He’s self-aware, and self-deprecating: “the first thing he tells [writer Rebecca Johnson] when we sit down is how much ‘shit’ he’s going to get from his friends for doing an interview with Vogue.”
* His mother watches CNBC like she’s on a trading floor: “The intensity, the consequences, the lack of a road map, the fact that three minutes after an announcement you are seeing the reaction on CNBC– it’s almost unprecedented. The televised babble became so bad at times, Geithner’s own mother thought about watching TV with the volume turned down.”
* He and Jon Stewart are gonna have words: “…the angriest he’s ever been was probably the afternoon a camera crew for Jon Stewart’s Daily Show showed up unexpectedly at his house in Larchmont, New York…Geithner’s teenage children, who were home alone at the time, had not be in on the joke. When a camera crew pulled up, they called their father at his office, terrified. ‘Ive never seen him so mad,’ one aid remembers.”
* He most likely uses an herbal remedy to take the edge off things: “What little free time he has, he prefers to spend with his children, building a ramp in the driveway for skateboarding, surfing off the coast of Cape Cod, building a guitar by hand.”
* He fantasized about being “the guy who saved Citi” but spared us having to live in a world without Uncle Vik: “…he is said to have been sorely tempted by an offer to run Citibank.”
