Whether your destination is a minimum-security white-collar resort or federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, you are going to need to get used to life without dwarf-tossing or three-ways with underage girls or taser games and $15,000 umbrella stands. This Goldman Sachs alum can help. Read more »
Maybe you’ve been toiling away on Wall Street for 10-15 years but have never earned one ounce of respect. Maybe you’ve been on the job for a matter of months, and have yet to be given more responsibility than picking up your boss’s lunch (a job that you came perilously close to losing several weeks ago for reasons we won’t get into here). Maybe you’ve been working at, say, Goldman Sachs, for several years now and are still addressed as “Hey, you.”
You could put your head down and keep grinding away at the hopes of one day being recognized for your contributions to the financial services industry. You could march up to your boss’s desk one day and say “Hey, I’ve got a name you know!” You could develop of a network of corporate insiders and then give Steve Cohen a call. Or you could simply start forgoing the razor and let your facial hair talk for you. What will it say? That you’re a god damn force to be reckoned with. Read more »
Goldman Sachs has said it would move much of its European business out of London if Britain leaves the European Union. The warning from the world’s most powerful investment bank comes as political pressure for Britain to leave the EU mounts. David Cameron has committed to holding a referendum on Britain’s membership if the Conservatives win the next election and some Tory MPs have been agitating for an early vote on the matter. Michael Sherwood, co-chief executive of Goldman Sachs International, said: “In all likelihood we would transfer a substantial part of our European business from London to a eurozone location – the most obvious contenders being Paris and Frankfurt.” [Guardian via Heidi Moore]
Part three in a series of magnanimous gestures in which Goldman Sachs tries to teach you dullards how to trade like Goldman Sachs. Today’s installment: Canadian Thanksgiving was weeks ago, so fuck those guys. Read more »
First, put all of your money into S&P index funds and short bets against the Australian dollar. Guaranteed* 13% return.