Goldman Sachs

  • 27 Nov 2013 at 2:22 PM

Goldman Sachs: Mind The Loonie

Part three in a series of magnanimous gestures in which Goldman Sachs tries to teach you dullards how to trade like Goldman Sachs. Today’s installment: Canadian Thanksgiving was weeks ago, so fuck those guys. Read more »

First, put all of your money into S&P index funds and short bets against the Australian dollar. Guaranteed* 13% return.

Second, put all of your money into five-year Eonia bonds and borrow as many five-year Treasuries as you can find and sell them. No guaranteed return, at least according to MoneyBeat. Read more »

Or, at least, if it did, the Reuters-reported loss did not take into account “many of the firm’s market-making and client facilitation strategies” which “utilize financial instruments across various product types,” and therefore is “not representative of the way in which the firm manages its business activities.” Read more »

  • 13 Nov 2013 at 3:30 PM

Goldman Sachs Just Destroyed Countless Lives

The Wall Street firm named 280 new managing directors Wednesday, just a 5 percent increase from the previous year, when 266 were picked for promotion. Hundreds of mid-level bankers who missed the cut will now have to wait another two years until 2015 because this is the last annual set of managing director promotions. The change to biennial promotions comes as Goldman has been paring its staff and partnership ranks in the aftermath of the financial crisis that pushed even the storied franchise to the brink. While Goldman was expected to promote more employees than in years past to help compensate for the beginning of its biennial process, this year’s crop of newly minted MDs is a far cry from double. Those who got the promotion — one step below the elite partnership ranks — will command millions more than their midlevel colleagues over the next few years. [NYP, earlier]

  • 13 Nov 2013 at 2:09 PM

Goldman Sachs Just Gave 280 Lives Meaning

Yesterday they were lost, today they are found. Yesterday they were just bumping along aimlessly, today they have something to live for. Yesterday they were mere Goldman employees, today* they are Goldman Sachs Managing Directors. Read more »

As many of you well know, a time-honored tradition on Wall Street is complaining about the size of one’s bonus. It’s a ritual that financial services employees look forward to their whole year and occurs not only in bad times but in good. So cherished is the annual bitching o’ bonuses that even if one is paid an extremely handsome sum, to find out the guy or girl sitting them received $10 or $20 dollars more is to trigger a response that involves angry typing to a colleague about the injustice and a hissy-fit of impotent rage punctuated with threats of considering options elsewhere. According to Lloyd Blankfein, though, Goldman Sachs employees are different and recognize that if they have to make a little less money here and there, it’s for a greater good. Read more »

If Gary Cohn so much as sees one ass in one chair past 9PM on a Friday, there’ll be hell to pay. Read more »