Less than a week ago, UBS announced that profits for the third quarter may not be what they were hoping for, as a result of a trader named Kweku Adoboli losing the bank $2.3 billion dollars. Tensions have been running a bit high since then, on account of many employees wondering if a) they’ll be the lucky recipient of a zero dollar bonus this year or b) they’ll still have a paycheck period by the end of the year. While management can’t make promises on either front, they may be able to do one better. Do the sounds of waves crashing, some complimentary rounds of golf and a few days out of the office that will afford you the time to conduct phone interviews with other shops sound like something you’d be interested in? If you answered yes, consider this your lucky day. Continue reading »
Former Commodities Exchange chairman Martin Greenberg is suing former NBA star Alonzo Mourning’s charity after he won $1 million for hitting a hole-in-one at its golf tournament — then was denied the prize after it was claimed the course had been improperly shortened. Greenberg hit the hole-in-one at the Alonzo Mourning Charities tournament at Donald Trump’s National Golf Club in Briarcliff Manor, NY, last August. But the insurer backing the event refused to pay up, claiming Greenberg’s required 150-yard shot had actually traveled only 139 yards. [NYP]
To be sure, there are many interesting positions to be had at SAC that most boys and girls would kill for. There’s Steve’s, which is a pretty good gig. There’s IR, which is fun. There’s president Cohnheeney’s, though few are good looking enough. There’s SC’s bodyguard, which is exciting and involves a gun. And of course there are the trading slots. They all come with great money, fleece apparel and of course prestige.
But unless you also want serious stress and pressure hanging over your head hour to hour day to day month to month, none of them are for you. You want the job where it is possible to utter the words “I’m gonna take off for a few hours, hit the links, maybe grab a sandwich” during the course of a trading session without fear of having a sand wedge shoved up your ass. You want the job that belongs to Sam Evans, SAC Capital golf pro in residence. Continue reading »
As discussed yesterday, three former employees of Goldman Sachs have filed suit against the bank alleging that it discriminates against females when it comes to pay, promotions and other opportunities within the firm. They also noted that there just generally seem to be a lack of respect for women there. And not just a lack of respect as it relates to their ability to make money but also their skills at golfers. Continue reading »
Are you a trader looking for a new gig? Do you have certain requirements of the job that’ve made finding the perfect employer slightly difficult? Do they include:
* Wearing flip-flops, polos and shorts to work?
* Taking leisurely lunches
* Enjoying yourself a good rom-com and paying matinee prices?
* Playing 18 holes before the close?
* Catching a few winks on the company roof deck?
* Having bosses that understand there’s not much of a point to working more than a few hours a day?
Then shoot a resume over to Briargate Trading. These are the guys for you. Continue reading »
The billionaire is retiring and closing his firm, Duquesne Capital. The fund returned returned 11 percent in 2008 and 10 percent in 2009 but apparently Stan can’t take the “interim drawdowns” (they’re down 5 percent so far this year) anymore. Also, he just wants to golf. Continue reading »
“Usually I get to the course at 8 in the morning. I will play a round, which will take three to three and a half hours. I will hopefully shoot in the low 70s. Sometimes Melania and Barron will come up to the club and they watch me beat people at golf…I get home at 6 or 7 or 8. I have dinner with Melania and Barron. She’s a good cook. She has a lot of imagination. She makes spaghetti and meat sauce. She makes chef’s salads. She loves salads. Sometimes she makes meatloaf.”
CNBC has the six-boxer and BREAKING NEWS banner out so fine, let’s get into this. What do we think the li’l fella’s gonna talk about today?
11:01 Many people in the room know him. (Some biblically?)
11:02 His real apology to Elin will not come in the form of words (’cause money talks bull shit walks, bitches).
11:03 Is he going to cry?
11:05 “ELIN NEVER HIT ME THAT NIGHT [on Thanksgiving] OR ANY OTHER NIGHT”
11:06 “Elin deserves praise, not blame” (who’s blaming her?)
11:07 “I thought I worked hard all my life and deserved to take part in the temptations that surrounded me.” [Eliot Spitzer nods gravely at home]
11:08 Why is this happening?
11:08 Character and decency, yada yada yada
11:09 Parents used to point to me as role models for their kids, now they just look at me as a big whore.
11:10 They sent me to rehab; I have a long way to go; just this morning, on the way here, I stopped at an IHOP and you have no idea how hard it was for me lay that ass across the griddle and give it the Tiger.
11:10 BTW- I never used steroids
11:12 Little known fact– I was raised a Buddhist. But I’ve strayed from those teaching in recent years.
11:13 I’m going to get even more therapy.
11:14 He’s going to go back to golf some day, one day, but probably not today.
11:15 Okay it’s time for this:
11:16 Extended hug for everyone in the audience. First Reactions
FYI: Larry Kudlow thought it was a phenomenal apology, and he, as someone “familiar with the 12-Step Program,” loved the emphasis on step 9, the making of amends.
Yesterday, together as a joint effort, we and SAC cleared the most majestic hedge fund in all the land of any possible wrongdoing vis-à-vis the insider trading case du jour. First, the firm conducted its own thorough investigation of the trades in question (and found no evidence of shady dealings). Then, we came along and finished things off with a brief but clear message: nobody fucks with the king. Nothing else needed to be said but unfortunately, some people felt the need to pipe up and remind everyone that “the determination by the big hedge fund is preliminary because a number of the stocks involved in the insider-trading case remain secret as criminal and civil investigations continue.” Obviously these people, and maybe yourselves, still don’t get it. So, today, we have no choice but to continue. For those of you– and I’m talking about the SEC, I’m talking about the Feds, I’m talking about anyone looking to make trouble– even ENTERTAINING the thought of messing with our lord, go back from whence you came. The king is busy.
Soooooo. Here’s what Jimmy Cayne had to say about about a bunch of some notable CEOs, as noted by noted by Charlie Gasparino’s new book, When Mooks Fail:
Cayne usually had nothing but disdain for most of his fellow CEOs on Wall Street. He had once referred to former NYSE chairman Dick Grasso as a “pig” for his attept to cash out his $140 million retirement package even after Cayne, then a NYSE board member, approved the move. Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack was a “bullshit artist”‘ Hank Paulson, when he was the CEO of Goldman, was simply a “snake.” Cayne had even less tolerance for Sandy Weill, and even as he considered selling Bear to JPMorgan Chase chief Jamie Dimon, he told friends that he wasn’t crazy about Dimon because he was a “screamer.”
So Jamie Dimon is a “screamer.” Okay. Here’s what JC had to say about Stan O’Neal, the greatest CEO on Wall Street, present company not included, of course.
