House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the party’s vote counter, began his talk by showing a clip from the movie, “The Town”, trying to forge a sense of unity among the independent-minded caucus. One character asks his friend: “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about it later.” “Whose car are we gonna take,” the character says. [WaPo] Continue reading »
great ideas
Congressman Uses Scene From Ben Affleck Movie In Which One Character Asks Another To Beat The Shit Out Of A Guy With A Hockey Stick To Promote Debt Debate Unity
By Bess Levin
Yesterday we learned the disturbing news that R. Kelly may soon lose his house, on account of not having paid his mortgage since June 2010. Kelly owes JPMorgan $2.9 million, plus unpaid interest accruing at $251 a day on the suburban Chicago spread and while he probably has a few other places in which to crash, this place is special as it comes with six full bathrooms, seven half-baths, and 12 walk-in closets. What was the R&B singer to do? His options appeared limited. Then, today, while thumbing through the international section…eureka. Continue reading »
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Hedge Funds
How To Make Your Hedge Fund A Runaway Success, By Alphonse Fletcher Jr.
By Bess Levin
One of the most wonderful aspects of the hedge fund industry is that because it attracts the brightest minds, said minds are constantly coming up with new and outside-the-box ways of doing things. Eventually the innovation catches on and before you know it, something that might initially seem crazy eventually becomes best practice at firms worldwide. Take Alphonse “Buddy” Fletcher Jr, for example. The hedge fund manager is the subject of a Wall Street Journal profile today that highlights what the paper describes as Fletcher’s “unorthodox practices.” While it’s clear that some people are passing judgment on Buddy’s ways of doing things, his wiser colleagues in the field will immediately recognize the genius found within and start furiously implementing his methods today. Such as:
Dealing with redemption requests: As many of you may have learned first hand, investors get fairly bent out of shape when you tell them they can’t have their money back. But if you don’t have the cash on hand, what’s the alternative? One hedge fund manager recently said he would pay clients back not in actual money but in illiquid shares of a firm called LightSquared and in what seems to have come as a surprise to him, they didn’t like that either. How does Fletcher deal with such issues?
Last month, after two of the pension boards sought to withdraw some of their cash, Fletcher instead sent them promissory notes “in satisfaction of this redemption request” that pledged payment within two years.
For those taking careful notes the steps are as follows: Step One: redemption request. Step Two: redemption granted. Step Three: investor says “what?”. Step Four: manager says “What are you ‘what’ing? You’re getting your money, just later.”
Let’s continue. Continue reading »
Looking To Get A Significant Other Off And/Or Irritating Colleague Off Your Back? Take A Page From This Guy’s Playabook
By Bess LevinPerhaps you have a spouse who you’ve just had it with. Or, a guy at work who sits twenty feet from you on the trading floor though you wouldn’t know it because when he audibly chews his food it’s like you’re inside his mouth. You can’t have them killed, you figure, but holy Christ if you have to see or hear them for one more second you’re just going to snap. Enter: a great idea. Next time they have to leave the country, get one of your influential friends with the Department of Homeland Security on the horn and have the offensive parties added to a list of terrorist suspects, like this guy did. They won’t be bothering you anymore. Continue reading »
Or anyone interested in taking a gamble on Madoff victim payouts. Consider the following route. Continue reading »
That’s right, ladies. The Shake Weight, which capitalized on the idea that performing handies all day long will tone your forearms, biceps and triceps like no other, has apparently made $40 million in revenue since debuting less than a year ago. With the introduction of a men’s version (clocking in at five pounds, 12 inches in length and 4 in girth), can an IPO be far behind?! Continue reading »
One of the hardest parts of being a hedge fund manager is coming up with new ideas. Not investment ideas but those related to explaining to clients, via letter, why last month/quarter/year went ass-bleedingly bad. There’s the challenge of generating new ways to describe the massacre (Sac-ripping, clown-facing, donkey punching, etc), the silver-lining (“Now hear the great news: we’ve turned every dollar you invested in the beginning of the year into 15 cents”), and, of course, the rationale.
The last couple years have made all of these tasks but the third in particular an extremely difficult enterprise. Stuff like “We lost it all but you can take solace in knowing it’s not us, it’s the market. The global financial markets are wrong, and we happy few at [insert your firm here] are correct, in a way that has yet to reveal itself but rest assured, is coming” is good stuff but at this point stale. Those taking pride in their missives re: what it feels like to be worked over with the spreader and truss bar for 85 straight trading sessions know new material is necessary but what? Think, damn it, think, they say as they sit at their desks, knee high in redemption requests.
If you currently find yourself looking for some fresh ideas/excuses for upcoming love notes re: July losses, consider this one, courtesy of Patrick Evershed, which is really not half bad. Continue reading »