If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Rest assured that this coming April, when we finally get to see Shia LaBeouf in Money Never Sleeps, we can breathe easy knowing that this will not be the performance of some two-bit actor who knows nothing about Wall Street but a market moving BSD who’s sucked it all in and is currently deciding whether his next project will be a rom-com, running a Citadel spin-off Ken Griffin’s dying to land him for, or starting his own shop (potential investors: act quickly and he’ll trim his fees for the first $2bn in AUM with an 8-year lockup). Not only does the Level 1 CFA candidate have his own E*Trade account, read the Wall Street Journal every single day, trade on his cell phone, have Bloomberg on speed dial and “lots of friends in lots of places,” but he’s been briefed on what’s considered a dealbreaker when it comes to landing a coveted gig with Goldman Sachs. And now, he wants to share that wisdom with you.
he knows everything now
In case there was any doubt as to whether or not Shia LaBeouf is a big boy trader now, the Money Never Sleeps star has confirmed that he is indeed the market moving BSD you imagined. Also, he apparently knows “everything” there is to know about this shit, so if anyone’s looking for a little guidance, be it hot insider trading tips or which type of estrogen pills will get your tits looking just right, feel free to give him a buzz. (Once he passes the Level 1 CFA exam in December, which our sources at the institute tell us he’s hard at working studying for, it won’t even be fair. Potential investors: act quickly and he’ll trim his fees for the first $2bn in AUM with an 8-year lockup.)
The actor…says he knew nothing about the financial world when he was first cast by Oliver Stone, so he walked into a brokerage firm and asked for help — and soon got so hooked, it has become the biggest part of his life.
The actor says he used $20,000 to study the markets. “As of this morning, that’s $297,000,” he said.
“I manage my own portfolio. I check through the day, read the daily Wall Street Journal, trade personally on my cellphone, text people throughout the day, carry my laptop on the set, have Bloomberg on speed-dial. I now have lots of friends in lots of places.”
