hedge fund managers

Here Are Some Things That Paul Singer Thinks Suck

While you're at it, care to weigh in on this Obama guy?Our friends over at DealBook yesterday gave the Elliott Management chief an audience and a microphone, which means that Paul Singer did what he does when he gets an audience and a microphone: Give his enemies a piece of his mind. The Fed? A bunch of self-important “enablers” with a martyr complex. CalPERS? Doesn’t know what the hell it’s talking about. Corporate boards? Lazy incompetents. And don’t get him started on Argentina… oh, wait, forget it: He’s already started. Read more »

goat7A few weeks ago, the hedge fund manager Mark Spitznagel was walking through a wooded area on his 200-acre farm in Northport, Michigan, shouting at goats. “A droite! A droite!” he called, urging the animals to return to a path from which they had strayed in order to nibble on the surrounding brush. When Spitznagel was first launching his goat cheese farm, called Idyll Farms, around 2012, he hired consultants from France– but of course– to come to Michigan and help train him and his staff, and the goats have grown used to hearing commands in French. “A droite! A droite!” Spitznagel shouts, tapping on the ground with a long, hooked walking stick he sometimes uses to gently prod the animals….They seem intelligent, I said to Spitznagel. “They’re herd animals,” he responded. “They’re as smart as any investment manager out there.” [Worth]

  • 02 Dec 2014 at 5:00 PM

Layoffs Watch: Lily-Livered Fund Managers

Too true, Ken. How's the divorce going?An affinity for risk can be a very bad thing. Blow-up-your-hedge-fund-and-become-a-laughingstock kind of bad. Ask Brian Hunter. Also lose your job kind of bad, especially if your affinity for risk produces losses and you work at Brevan Howard. But an aversion to risk? You might as well start boxing up your cubicle right now, according to science. Read more »

ken griffinKen Griffin, the founder of Chicago investment firm Citadel and Illinois’ richest man, has listed his three-bedroom, 2,494-square-foot condominium on North Michigan Avenue for $1.4 million. Griffin, who is in the midst of a contentious divorce from his wife Anne Dias Griffin, owns a penthouse condominium on the 67th floor of the nearby Park Tower that has been his primary residence since he bought it in 2000 for $6.9 million. In 2012, Griffin expanded his domain by paying $15 million to buy a 7,900-square-foot unit on the 66th floor of the Park Tower, Chicago’s priciest-ever condo sale. The three-bedroom unit that Griffin placed on the market Monday is on the 54th floor of a different tower on North Michigan Avenue. He paid $1.02 million for it in late 1995, according to public records. [Chicago Tribune]

  • 25 Nov 2014 at 5:38 PM

“Cliff Asness Or Teenage Twitter Rant?”

Cliff Asness by Kieron Black
If you’re killing time at the office, working on Turkey Day, or are looking for a fun interactive game for the family to play Thursday night after dinner, test your knowledge of Asnessisms with this quiz brought to you by Hedge Fund Intelligence. Or simply appreciate the above rendering of Clifford in his bedroom, by HFI artist Kieron Black. [Hedge Fund Intelligence, related]

  • 25 Nov 2014 at 1:59 PM

Christmas Comes Early At Casa De Falcone

Phil FalconePhil knew that this was more than just a threat. In all the years they’d been living together, he’d never seen her so mad, not even after she’d discovered he’d been hawking her vintage Hermes scarves for cash last summer. No, she’d really had it with him this time. It’d been more than three years since she’d been able hold her annual Christmas party, the social event of the season that people had done unspeakable things to score an invite to in the past and her patience had long since whittled down to that of a toothpick.

If she wasn’t able to throw it the way she liked– Swarovski-encrusted invitations, go-go dancers dressed as Romans flanking the pool room, ice sculptures done in the family’s likeness, individual raw-bars at dinner, a ‘Maids-a-Milking’ themed after hours– then she wasn’t going to throw it at all. Better to make ‘em wait and come back with a vengeance then serve up a watered down, less hot version of what she was capable of. So they’d agreed on a deadline: Christmas 2014. She’d started working on preliminary plans in August and, yet, as of last month, not one penny had been deposited into her ‘Travel and Entertainment’ fund.

She’d sent emails about it marked ‘high importance,’ pestered his secretary, and finally stormed his office earlier in the week, where she found him doing little more than raking sand back and forth on of those desk trays, rather than hustling to get the money together. She exploded then and she exploded this morning, following him to the front door of the townhouse in her robe and shouting in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t come home with the money that night, he needn’t come home at all. And, honestly? As of lunchtime he was trying to figure out if he had any buddies left who’d let him sleep on the couch, just for a night or two until he’d found something more permanent. And then he remembered something. Page 741 of his employment agreement. Not with Harbinger Capital Partners. Not with HC2. Not with LightSquared. But with the Harbinger Group. Read more »

Shhh, he didn't mean it.

Shhh, he didn’t mean it.

As those of you who keep up with the Life And Times of Steven A. Cohen know, there are few things on this earth that the hedge fund manager despises more than his first bride, Patricia Cohen. So despite the fact that she has been suing him nearly five years; is, in the words of his lawyer Martin Klotz, “harass[ing] and embarrass[ing] Steven,”; and, at this point, wants what represents approximately 1/900000th of his personal wealth, the SAC Capital founder continues to refuse to settle this thing privately and throw her a dime. While merely casual observers of the Big Guy assumed that Patty’s recent victory, wherein she “won permission as part of a 25-year-old divorce battle to question him about any lies he may have told related to wrongdoing at the hedge fund” would’ve gotten him to budge, SAC Scholars know better.

“It’s a bit of a head-scratcher,” said Anthony Sabino, a business law professor at St. John’s University in New York, who has followed the case. “He’s been pilloried in the press. You’d have to think he is sick and tired of that and would like to get out of the spotlight. It’s baffling why he just doesn’t say, ‘Here’s the money, why not leave us alone?’”

For the record, here are a list of things Steve Cohen would rather do than give his ex-wife satisfaction, monetary or otherwise: Read more »

stevecohen (1)Also about how he had “no idea” who might’ve been responsible for sideswiping Tim in accounting’s driver side mirror, despite the fact that he was seen peeling out of the parking lot at the time of the incident. This upcoming bout truthiness brought to you by Cohen’s ex-bride, Patricia C. Read more »