hedge fund managers

As many of you know, the last number of months have not been the best of times for hedge fund manager Steve Cohen. In addition to taking it up the tailpipe from several federal agencies, some of which he’s written $600+ million checks to, others whose fearless leader eats raw meat for breakfast and hopes to one day feast on Cohen tartare, the SAC Capital founder has seen friendships tested and found where loyalties lie. And it hasn’t been pretty.

Employees, despite being told their jobs are safe, have been holding exploratory interviews with other funds in hotel rooms that rent by the hour. The guy who previously said he’d be there through “the bombs going off” left Cohen in the trenches, alone, taking grenades. Clients have requested their money back on en masse; as of Friday night, virtually all outside investors were expected to have filed redemptions requests if they had not done so already.

Except for one. Read more »


[Via ZH, Related: Dan Loeb’s High Road Is Paved With High Impact Enemas Administered By A 77 Year-Old Man]

  • 09 Aug 2013 at 3:51 PM

Phil Falcone Is Just Going To Start Suing Everyone

Once the Harbinger founder got a taste of how good it felt to serve someone papers, he just couldn’t stop. This morning it was the entire GPS industry; tomorrow, anyone who sold their LightSquared debt to Charlie Ergen, these guys, for not winning the Stanley Cup, and maybe the SEC, in some sort of countersuit. Which, if you were looking into the not too distant future, might go down something like this:

[Somewhere in midtown.]

Phil Falcone, to someone on the other line. It’s not clear who it is, but we get the impression she has hooves: Have you seen this American Express bill?! I told you we need to be cutting BACK, not spending MORE right now. [pauses to listen to Unknown Caller's response.] Well maybe I don’t care if Barney’s had a mumu that was speaking to you. [pauses to listen to Unknown Caller's response, with increasing impatience.] Well maybe I don’t care if you needed a pick-me-up, I told you we can’t be borrowing from the fund anymore. [deafening shrieking on the other end of the phone.] I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just really stressed these days…

[A knock at the door.] Read more »

‘Cause somebody’s recouped record losses in his Recovery fund, meaning somebody can start charging performance fees again! Read more »

A lesser man might be sweating the impending fraud charges against the firm that manages his money, but SAC Capital investor Ed Butowsky’s brows and underarms are bone dry. Butowsky, who has gone on record recently to say that 1) he wishes he could put more money with SAC and 2) anyone speaking ill of Steve Cohen can and should go fuck themselves, is fairly certain Team SAC will come out of this stronger than when they started. And when that day comes he’ll be there with party hats and streamers, driving the giant S-A-C-shaped float he’s been working on in his garage through the streets of downtown Stamford, accompanied by Beamers girls shooting zip-up fleeces out of stadium-style tee-shirt guns. There’ll be Zamboni rides and Facepaint, and a petting zoo for the kids. It’ll be the greatest celebration this town has ever seen and will serve as a monument to one man’s unwavering faith in another. And if that other man wants to throw some gratitude in the unwaveringly faithful guy’s direction, maybe by making him a senior adviser or giving him his own parking spot or just taking the time to say, “Ed, I couldn’t have done it without you. And I think of you like a brother,” that’d be okay too. Read more »

Earlier today, a person, if a person were so inclined, could hop on his or her Bloomberg terminal, start a message to hedge fund manager Dan Loeb, and be greeted with a header that proclaimed “New HLF Product: The Herbalife Enema, Administered by Uncle Carl.” This line was an obvious reference to the figurative enema Pershing Square chief Bill Ackman has undergone at hands of the shake and supplement company and fellow money manger, Carl Icahn. After a flurry of articles pointing out Loeb’s anus-themed diss, the Third Point manager’s header was changed to “Always take the high road.” While one might quick to assume this meant Loeb had had a change of heart re: his previous statement, and had felt it’d been a less than diplomatic thing to say, doing so would make an ass of you and me. Read more »

  • 17 Jul 2013 at 6:00 PM

Jim Chanos’ Sons Owe Their Lives To Shake Shack

Jim Chanos, who oversees $6 billion as the founder of Kynikos Associates Ltd., said Danny Meyer’s hamburgers might have saved his two sons from getting struck by a bat that slipped out of Miguel Cabrera’s hands during last night’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game. The errant bat flew into the stands down the third base line after a swing and miss by the Detroit Tigers’ All-Star third baseman during the fourth inning last night. It flew over about 10 rows of fans before hitting the empty seats next to Chanos, who was seen dodging the projectile on the television broadcast by News Corp.’s Fox network. Chanos, the money manager who rose to fame shorting Enron Corp., said his sons weren’t in their seats at the time because they were grabbing food at Meyer’s Shake Shack stand at New York’s Citi Field, home of the Mets. “Luckily they got up to get a burger, so the bat landed where they were sitting instead,” Chanos said in an interview today at the CNBC Institutional Investor Delivering Alpha Conference. “I e-mailed Danny Meyer and said his burger had saved my sons.”