How To Guides
Part three in a series of magnanimous gestures in which Goldman Sachs tries to teach you dullards how to trade like Goldman Sachs. Today’s installment: Canadian Thanksgiving was weeks ago, so fuck those guys. Read more »
Let Former Hedge Fund Manager And Anti-Art-Commodification Art-Commodifier Howard Rachofsky Teach You How To Navigate The Pricey Waters Of The Art MarketBy Jon Shazar
Skyrocketing prices be damned: Retired hedge fund manager/full-time buyer of and pontificater on art Howard Rachofsky says there’s never been a better time to buy a few canvases, provided you’ve already got places on land, at sea and in the air, have a desire to show up your friends and aren’t interested in the stuff that other people are interested in. Read more »
Interest in the subject matter is a minor consideration. Unlike a lot of firms, we look at what someone is like rather than what they did before. We are first interested in people’s values, second interested in their abilities, and least interested in their precise skills. We want independent thinkers who are willing to put aside their egos to find out what is true. Did the candidate come up with a new idea and build it out? Like if when he was 15 he mowed lawns and developed that into a business by getting others to mow lawns with mowers he bought them. –Ray Dalio, “How To Get Hired At Bridgewater” [BusinessWeek, Related: "Firing people is not a big deal"]
Keith Hahn was a former analyst at JPMorgan, associate in PE, consultant for a hedge fund, gigolo for hire and Dealbreaker editor. He’s now a writer in Los Angeles.
Not everyone gets to write a New York Times Op-Ed when they quit their job, however disaffected. It’s also easier to quit a job after twelve years of cashing investment banking paychecks. No matter how “morally bankrupt” Goldman Sachs is, Greg Smith isn’t giving his bonuses back.
Unlike Smith, who quit his job on his own terms and got to publish most of his resume in the Times, most of corporate America isn’t as lucky – and almost everyone in corporate America really wants to quit their job.
So what are you supposed to do if you can’t get any above-the-fold space in a major newspaper?
You have to burn bridges the old fashioned way – by writing a farewell email. Read more »
Have you always wanted to date a man who works on Wall Street but found them to be a difficult subset of human to figure out? Today’s your lucky day. CNBC, for some reason, is running an “article” penned by a professional matchmaker on that very issue. Having “spent the better part of 12 years learning all the their habits, their likes and dislikes when it comes to dating,” Samantha Daniels is eminently qualified to offer the tips you need to summit your Everest. Her how-to-guide includes advice like “keep stories short and sweet because the mind of a Wall Street man is always moving so rapidly and focusing on so many different things that his attention span for social stories is very short,” “be sexy,” “don’t expect him to be romantic,” “don’t get upset if your plans get scheduled by his assistant,” “don’t work on Wall Street” (“Wall Street men tend to be attracted to women who are in industries other than Wall Street”) and:
Learn a little something about the financial markets and notice if something huge happens on a given day, negative or positive. Things like the fact that Facebook is going public is not just financial news, it’s world news and you don’t want to seem clueless if you completely missed something like that. You don’t have to become an expert but at least if you know something you can participate in a conversation with your guy. Additionally, you need to be prepared that the volatility of the markets might make your guy’s mood unpredictable, especially on a day that his personal portfolio went down dramatically.
Obviously this one here is key but it’s not enough. If you’re serious about hunting big game, if you really want to impress him with the extent to which you’ve got your finger on the pulse, you must also: Read more »