How To Guides

Time was, out of the office networking was the purview of men. Ladies might have been able to break into the corporate world, but they were missing out when it came to off-the-clock bonding with colleagues and/or clients on the golf course, in the strip club, and at the bar at 3AM after drinking for 7 hours straight. Well no longer.

Tired of missing out on the opportunities to get ahead afforded to people who don’t necessarily do the best job at the office but impress the boss with their ability to put back 16 Manhattans during happy hour, businesswomen are going shot for shot with their male counterparts, according to a new study from QZ: Read more »



[via @cgasparino]

Nobody will hold it against you, sayeth a former DOJ guy who used to hold such things against companies for a living. Read more »

Lions Gate Entertainment presents a how-to guide to eBay and anyone else engaged with the aged corporate raider: Keep exactly as many generously-termed convertible bonds around to hand off to a “friendly shareholder” in your hour of greatest need and any unwanted attentions can be vanquished. Sure, you might have to pony up a few million dollars and accept a slap on the wrist if anyone should find out, but you’ll get to keep your company. Read more »

As you have probably heard by now, late last week Pimco co-founder Bill Gross made an inadvisable call to Reuters, the details of which can be found here. In short, Gross was responding to a Journal article that highlighted tension around the office that likely contributed to CEO Mohamed El-Erian choosing to depart his post; things like Gross’s insistence on absolute silence on the trading floor, letting it be known that employees are not to look him in the eye, slashing people’s bonuses for forgetting to number presentation pages, telling someone to cut him a check for $10,000 to make up for failing to stand when clients were in the office, and uttering the words “If only Mohamed would let me, I could run all the $2 trillion myself…I’m Secretariat…Why would you bet on anyone other than Secretariat?” while holding court with a bunch of traders.

Perhaps in a somewhat misguided attempt to get his side of the story out to the press, Gross told Reuters that the Journal article, written by Greg Zuckerman and Kirsten Grind, had actually been authored by El-Erian, as part of a campaign to “undermine me,” “indicated that he had been monitoring El-Erian’s phone calls,” and when it became apparent that the news outlet was not simply going to run a story vindicating Gross without any kind of supporting evidence that El-Erian had indeed ghost-written the Journal story, “You’re on his side. Great, he’s got you, too, wrapped around his charming right finger.” (According to a spokesman for Pimco, “Gross…categorically denies saying this firm ever listened in on Mr. El-Erian’s phone calls or that Mr. El-Erian ‘wrote’ any previous media article.”)

So! Probably kind of an awkward day to be working out of the Newport Beach office. For employees who live in fear of saying the wrong thing– or saying anything, period– in front of Gross in good times, anxiety is likely running high. For them, some tips re: how to make it out alive in the coming weeks with your body parts and bonuses intact: Read more »

Whether your destination is a minimum-security white-collar resort or federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, you are going to need to get used to life without dwarf-tossing or three-ways with underage girls or taser games and $15,000 umbrella stands. This Goldman Sachs alum can help. Read more »

Given the generosity it is showing in teaching you slobs how to make money next year, perhaps Goldman’s modesty in the following shouldn’t surprise. Read more »