Disappointed by the alarming dearth of intelligence in the modern criminal mind, and with the eventual goal of providing more interesting and alluring white-collar crime mysteries for our readers, we have developed this guide in order to give the modern financial thief a fighting chance at remaining “at large” for at least 60-90 days after consummating a significant fraud.
We at Dealbreaker are dedicated to the preservation of entertaining white-collar crime stories. This seems the most effective way to increase their number.
Below you will find a series of financial crime cover-up “Do’s” and “Don’ts.” Obviously, however, we frown on unethical behavior in any form, and you should always consult your professional financial, legal and tax advisers before embarking on a multi-year flight from justice.
Do: Prepare your escape well before your imminent discovery.
There is nothing worse than trying to plan the many tiers of logistics that are required to effectuate a decent escape and prepare a livable fugitive lifestyle while under time pressure. Rushing things tends to create transparent plans, needlessly involves co-conspirators and makes for bad decision making. (Parking your SUV in the field of view of a video camera when pretending to jump from a local bridge famous for suicide attempts, for instance). Time will permit you to disable the relevant cameras before the attempt, or select a proper location without such perfect coverage.
Don’t: Lose your cool in the face of time pressure if your plans go awry, or if you failed to make any plans or anticipate your imminent discovery.
Ok, we were wrong: There is something worse than trying to plan the many tiers of logistics that are required to effectuate a decent escape, like voluntarily having a conversation with a policeman an hour after you declared an in-air emergency and faked your own death and, in the course of that conversation, handing over your real driver’s license. This is panic-driven behavior. Not to rub it in, but if you had worked on the time part, you’d be better off. Since you didn’t, however, keeping your cool is pretty essential. If you aren’t up for that, well, perhaps you should have concentrated on HVAC work?
Do: Lose the wife/girlfriend/boyfriend. Period. Seriously. No, seriously.
You aren’t doing her a favor by including her in your plans and forcing upon her the choice of either being a co-conspirator, an accessory before the fact, and probably after the fact, or keeping silent and facing significant prosecutorial pressure to turn on you (which will eventually prevail- how exactly do you think she will handle the asset freeze?), or turning you in right after you walk out the door. Besides, once you hit the beach in Venezuela, she’s going to look a lot older, and far less appealing in a swimsuit than you remembered- particularly compared to the local women. Plus, you will face the burden of owing everything to her and that is simply not a weight that a woman like that is going to let a man forget. Ever. Never ever. The Saks Fifth Avenue in Caracas is no Saks Fifth Avenue at all. This alone should be reason to end all argument on this topic. You will likely prosper with the chance to begin again. She is assured not to. If you absolutely must include her in your plans (perhaps she was the firm’s CFO, will be able to cast serious doubt on your tragic death story, etc.) then make sure to conceal the body well before your arrival in Venezuela.
