idiots

  • 27 Apr 2012 at 4:09 PM

Highland Capital Management Founder Sees Your Hiding Of Assets And Raises You A Megalomaniacal Prick

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As some of you may recall, back in March, Highland Capital Management founder and CEO James Dondero testified that he is “insolvent under Texas family law, if not according to normal accounting rules,” despite a 2010 tax return showing his adjusted gross income that year to be in excess of $36 million. The reason his finances were in question was because Dondero filed for divorce in September, and how much he owes his wife Becky is currently in dispute. Becky is “seeking enforcement of a prenuptial agreement guaranteeing her half of the couple’s community property, capped at $5 million,” plus “spousal support and interim attorney fees.” James, maybe you can glean, is hoping it will be less than that and perhaps even nothing. One thing that really didn’t help his case? A drinking buddy/former employee/former friend Dondero thought had his back taking the opportunity to speak out of turn!

Patrick Daugherty, a former senior portfolio manager at Highland who quit in October, testified that he met with James Dondero for drinks last month. “He told me his plan was to get his net worth down and pay her as little as possible,” said Daugherty, who was called to the stand by Becky Dondero.

That testimony was given on March 28th. On April 11– and please, do not think we suggest this is some sort of retaliation but clearly just a mere coincidence–, this happened: Read more »

  • 12 Apr 2012 at 2:26 PM

Who Didn’t Realize Sending Packages Containing Fake Grenades Was Something This Office Frowned Upon?

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As you may have heard, earlier today, people working in 2 World Financial Center were evacuated from the building after a suspicious package was flagged by security. Initial reports claimed it contained a grenade; obviously this was cause for alarm and would have continued to be had the NYPD determined it to be an actual grenade and not a “grenade-like novelty item,” mounted on a plaque with a sign that says “Complaint Dept. Pull Pin.” Now that it’s clear everyone is safe (and at least mildly buzzed), a few questions need answering. Read more »

  • 02 Sep 2011 at 3:19 PM

Domino’s “Estimates It Will Cost Roughly $22 Billion” To Build A Location On The Moon

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An artist's rendering

Back in January, SAC Capital amassed a 5.3 percent stake in Domino’s Pizza, making it the fifth largest investor, at 3.2 million shares. While Cohen didn’t have any plans to meddle with management, behind the scenes he did do his part to enhance the brand, not only in an attempt to maximize profits but out of a love for bread, sauce and cheese. Little tweaks included: use of the DPZamboni as the standard delivery vehicle (it can do 150 on 95), product placement that involved getting Domino’s featured in a few pizza delivery-boy themed pornos, and tasking SAC employees with slapping slices out of the hands of anyone seen eating a competitor, putting a finger in their face and warning “that’s one” (after one you don’t want to know what happens). Things were good. REALLY good. They were double penetrating the market and Steve had big plans for the future. Unfortunately, SC’s had to significantly reduce his stake over the last few months, after what we’re assuming was a difference of opinion based on this: Read more »

  • 10 Jan 2011 at 3:24 PM

Who Are The 6 People Expected To Buy Vegas’s $5,000 Burger?

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THEhotel at Mandalay Bay is home to Hubert Keller’s new restaurant, Fleur. The menu includes a burger priced at $5,000 (which comes with a $2,500 bottle of wine, so manage your expectations about what this mere $2,500 piece of meat will taste like now) and Fleur representatives optimistically believe they’ll sell 6 of these things this year. Read more »

  • 04 Nov 2010 at 3:59 PM

SAC Capital Lawyer Forced To School Hapless Rabbi In Ways Of The World

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In his opening statement this week, a lawyer for Milton Balkany, the Rabbi who tried to shake down SAC Capital’s Steve Cohen for $4 million, said that his client went after this particular hedge fund manager because he was “Jewish and rich.” Since obviously Cohen is not the only person on earth or even in the area with such characteristics, Balkany must have done his homework to figure out that Steve is not just rich but super fucking rich, and chose to go after a big kill rather than some pedestrianly wealthy citizen.

To that end, given that Cohen is extremely well-known on Wall Street but not as famous to the general population as, say, Jamie Dimon or Dick Fuld, one might figure that Balkany’s intel went deep. Likes, dislikes, reputation, and just generally, of course, that Steve Cohen = King. Grand High Poobah. Lord High Admiral. Archbishop of Stamford. You get the idea- but apparently Balkany did not, as evidenced in a transcript of a taped phone call that took place last January between SAC’s outside counsel, Martin Klotz, and the Rabbi, as part of the sting (SAC immediately went to the authorities after initially hearing from Balkany). Read more »

  • 03 Aug 2010 at 2:15 PM

In Retrospect, There Were A Bunch Of Things Accused Ponzi Schemer Kenneth Starr Didn’t See Coming

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Say what you will about alleged Ponzi schemer Ken Starr, but the guy wasn’t stupid. He knew how to leverage his “friendship” with Blackstone co-founder Pete Peterson into big name clients for his scam operation and he kept them going for quite some time. Still, he apparently wasn’t the most perceptive guy in the bunch. As previously mentioned, he didn’t realize that obscenely flashy purchases and a high-profile, rather than laying low and not sticking out, might make people go, “hey wait a second…” and he apparently also didn’t realize that when you marry a stripper, known for her “pole-dancing prowess,” she might be proud of/want to publicly pat herself on the back over said skills.

Two days before his arrest for allegedly cheating clients out of $59 million, financial adviser Kenneth Starr presided at one of Harry Cipriani’s coveted front-room tables, with a view of the Plaza and Central Park, and grinned when his wife, Diane, protested, not very seriously, that she’d thought their third-anniversary dinner would be a private affair. Diane Passage, 34, was wearing a black Gucci dress with a scoop neck that kept slipping to expose more of her Brobdingnagian breasts than the designer had intended—only when she got home would she realize she had it on backward—but Starr, 66, was proud of his fourth wife’s provocative figure. He liked to brag about her pole-dancing prowess. Only when she brought up her past employment as a dancer at Scores strip club did he wince. Why, though? she would ask him. She had nothing to hide.

Yeah, and she’s probably pretty damn pleased with the fact that those moves were what landed her her big shot husband in the first place. Think, Starr, think! Read more »

  • 15 Jun 2010 at 2:56 PM

SEC Embarks On “Not As Dumb As We Look” Campaign

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The SEC has taken a lotta flack over the last year or so. Given. The report that a good number of officials spend hundreds of hours looking at tranny porn during business hours was embarrassing but it was really just noise. The bigger criticism to be (justifiably) made is that the Commission as a whole is dumb as rocks. Harry Markopolos has said so about a million times, Bernie Madoff has attributed the success of his Ponzi scheme to the insanely impressive level of incompetence demonstrated by the group, they went after the most honest investor of all time, David Einhorn, and if that doesn’t do it for you, take a moment to consider that 9 employees out of 10 don’t know that penises stay outside the pencil sharpener. Last fall they tried to step up their game by sending employees for training at ClownFace College but it didn’t quite take. And, damn it, they just want to be taken serious! But how? Read more »

  • 28 Apr 2010 at 5:03 PM

Kiefer to Get His $1 Million Cattle Investment Back

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If you’re planning to screw someone out of a $1 million with a harebrained idea to buy cattle in Mexico and re-sell them in the U.S. at a higher price, the last person you want to mess with is Jack Bauer.

I mean, come on. Kiefer Sutherland not only gets wasted and head-butts fashion designers, he can have Chloe O’Brien stare you down until you choke on your own vomit.

But, one California cowboy tried to pull a fast one on ‘Ole Kiefer and now he’s stepped in a big pile of manure.   Read more »

  • 09 Mar 2010 at 10:32 AM

Harry Markopolos Is Not Quite Certain Anyone At The SEC Knows How To Read

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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Harry Markopolos
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes		 Political Humor Health Care Reform

Log on to ladyboyjuice.com 348 times in one day? Yes. That, they’ve got a handle on. Words and stuff? Marko’s not yet convinced. (Yet another reason these people must die.)

  • 04 Mar 2010 at 3:30 PM

SEC Charges ‘Psychic Investor’ With Fraud

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The SEC today charged Sean David Morton with scamming $6 million from 100 investors in his Delphi Investment Group (the individuals would put money in one of three companies- Vajra Productions, LLC, 27 Investments, LLC, and Magic Eight Ball Distributing, Inc.- all under the Delphi umbrella). Morton, who bills himself as “America’s Prophet” (so punny!), with his wife Melissa, apparently reeled in the cash by convincing potential investors that his psychic abilities would make them “piles of money,” if they acted fast.

According to the Commission’s complaint, Morton used his monthly newsletter, his website, his appearances on a nationally syndicated radio show called Coast to Coast AM, and appearances at public events, to promote his psychic abilities. Morton made numerous materially false representations relating to his psychic abilities in order to solicit investors for the Delphi Investment Group. For example, Morton wrote to potential investors in his July 20, 2006 newsletter that: “I have called ALL the highs and lows of the market, giving EXACT DATES for rises and crashes over the last 14 years.” (emphasis in original.) The Commission alleges that this assertion, like others Morton made in soliciting investors, is false.

This is also good:

In one-on-one correspondence with potential investors, Morton was even more aggressive in his solicitation. For example, on October 7,2006, Morton wrote to a potential investor, Investor G, in two separate emails: “The more [money] you get me the MORE 1 can make for you” and “[g]ive ME enough money to help YOU! Give me enough so that the average profits will make a DIFFERENCE in your life.” (emphasis in original.) In a subsequent email, after Investor G had already invested with the Delphi Investment Group, Investor G told Morton that he would like to invest in other types of investments such as the stock market. Morton replied, “for RIGHT NOW you will make the most with [the Delphi Investment Group]. Once the DOLLAR starts to DROP, which will happen soon, we are set to make a FORTUNE!” (emphasis in original.)

I’m sure a lot of you will be quick to label these people, like Investor G, as pretty stupid for falling for such an obvious scam. But we did a little investigative research (went to Mr. Prophet’s website) and have another theory. Nobody was duped by the psychic claims. They just got a load of Morton with people such as, for example, ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL and figured this guy must be legit. You probably would’ve, too. Read more »

  • 03 Mar 2010 at 12:45 PM

Jim Chanos Is Sick Of People Blaming Their Problems On Hedge Funds

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[via BI]
Subprime? Banking crisis? Currency and sovereign debt crisis? Male pattern baldness? Shrinkage? Take a little responsibility or at least go bark up some other tree. Jim Chanos is no longer interested.