I’ll just let myself out

  • 14 Sep 2010 at 4:58 PM

Financial Services Employee Who Didn’t Know There Were Rules Against Putting Your DNA In A Co-Worker’s Water Bottle Pleads Not Guilty

By Bess Levin

Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who in January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague’s desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more “material” in the same lady’s drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions? He’s pleaded not guilty to six misdemeanors. Continue reading »

  • 18 Aug 2010 at 9:30 AM
  • MBAs

Financial Services Rep Not Aware Putting His DNA In Co-Worker’s Water Was Something His Office Frowned Upon

By Bess Levin

These days, if you work on Wall Street and want to let people know that underneath that button down shirt and black pants beats the heart of an absolute freak, you’ve got to step up your game. If you’re going to get your name out there, it’s not enough to simply sexually assault a female colleague– you’ve got to manhandle her breasts with your feet. It’s not enough to sodomize an underling, you’ve also got to piss in his mouth. And if you’re going to “release an offensive material in a public space”– in this case, the material your semen– that space must be your co-worker’s water bottle. Twice. Michael Kevin Lallana knows what we’re talking about. Continue reading »