Do you own a computer, but not the internet? Do you have access to the internet, but uninstalled Google? Do you appreciate the ratings of Yelp, Zagat and Michelin, but wish you could find out what an anonymous investment banking managing director thinks of your dinner options for tonight? Read more »
As you all are well aware, from time to time we cover food eating challenges around these parts. We don’t chronicle all the feats of gastrointestinal fortitude that come our way, though, because while we love you all, not all of your FECs constitute what we’d consider an actual challenge worth covering. As previously discussed, our high bar has everything to do with the first contest we ever wrote about (as a postmortem), which involved a man named Oyster Boy, who consumed 244 oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses, throwing down the gauntlet down for one of you to pick up, vis-à-vis goring yourself for sport. Do we really expect anyone to match OB in magnitude or strength of stomach lining? No, we do not. Having said that, “challenges” such as eating 8 vending machine items in 12 hours (or in an unlimited amount of time!) are not going to cut it. It’s not an exact science but we look for FECs that are imaginative, topical, and/or represent a high degree of difficulty. (And while we wouldn’t actually advise it, live streaming the whole thing would make our day.) Which brings us to this afternoon’s challenge. Read more »
Time was, Daniela Rausnitz and David Gray had something special. Following a summer of flirtation across cubicles- Daniela was an intern at JPMorgan, David a “high-flying” third year analyst- the two got together after Daniela graduated from Duke and their relationship was “cemented” when David consoled her over being “sexually harassed by a senior member of the bank.” Things were said to have gotten so serious that David, a Cornell ’04 graduate, even entertained the idea of leaving his wife. Unfortunately, things hit a rough patch after Daniela transferred to JPMorgan’s London office and Big D began “stifling” her. Consequently, Daniela decided to pump the brakes and end things. Still Married David, however, knew better. These two, Daniela and Dave, were meant to be together. Meant for each other. So he did what any other romantic in his shoes would do, and waged a campaign to get her back. Said campaign included the following moves:
* Sending her 176 text messages and 23 emails over just 16 hours
* Using his old key to get into her apartment
* Claiming “he was critically ill in a desperate effort to attract her attention.”
* Hacking her email
* Planting “a tracking device in her phone”
At this point, there’s a chance Gray stepped back and asked himself, “Is it possible I’m coming on too strong”? A silly question, obviously, as he already knew the answer, which was: “No, no strong enough.” So he doubled down on Operation You’re The One For Me. Read more »
Elite model Xenia Tchoumitcheva is apparently a summer intern at JPMorgan in the graduate program for sales and trading…Apparently this isn’t her first finance internship. She previously interned at Merrill Lynch and the London hedgefund Duet Group, according to her website. She is also spokesmodel for Audi, Burger King, Visilab Sunglasses, and Casino Lugano according to her web site. Tchoumitcheva graduated with a degree in economics. She speaks five different languages. She was also 1st runner up in Miss Switzerland in 2006. [NetNet via BI] Read more »
JPM Summer Intern Blasts Colleagues With Invite To “Wild” Rager With Lax Policy On Fake IDs, Thinks Better Of It, Reminds Everyone Underage Drinking Is IllegalBy Bess Levin
Part I (emphasis his):
From: [redacted at JPMorgan]
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2011 1:53 PM
Subject: REMINDER… TONIGHT ReUnion Bar!
What’s up guys,
So tonight is going to be wild… ReUnion Bar on 17th and Park Ave @ 10pm. A link to view pics of the lounge is below in the original email so check it out the place is really classy. We already have 100+ JPMC interns who accepted the invite, so tonight will be a great opportunity to check out everyone and have an awesome time. Keep spreading the word, keep telling everyone and anyone who is not on this list and who doesn’t work for JPMC. You don’t want to miss out on this, trust me.
If there are 100+ interns from around the area who come and talk to me, this will be a huge every week party at different lounges of choice all free of cover. The bigger the crowd, the more discounted drinks, the more fun for all of us. Also, there will be events Fridays and Saturdays if tonight goes well and you all show interest in it.
ReUnion is not strict on IDs so if you have a fake you will be fine. If you don’t have an ID… get one! Sorry about that, I will push for black ‘X’s’ next time so those without IDs can come hangout, since I want you all to have a great time this summer.
ReUnion Bar on 17th and Park Ave
100+ new friends
Don’t miss out! Tell everyone, it’s going to get wild.
AT THE DOOR SAY YOU ARE WITH “InternParties”… see you all tonight at the Pizza Party, and then at ReUnion!
Part II : Read more »
Short version: va fangool. Longer version: Read more »
Here’s one: how many times have you watched Charlie Gasparino break a story and wonder to yourself, “How does this guy do it? Where does he get these stories? Who are his sources? How does he get them to crack?” Whether it’s the Goldman prop situation, Jimmy Cayne’s uromysitisis condition or Dick Fuld’s inability to post bail after getting arrested for going ape-shit on a CostoCo employee, Gaspo’s always got it. Is it that Chaz:
a) Has put in quality time with this broad, who knows all?
b) Leaves threatening voicemails on people’s machines, suggesting if he doesn’t get the story, he’ll break off their cojones and boil them in motor oil, which typically motivates them to give him the dirt?
c) Tails Andrew Ross Sorkin to his source meetings, waits for him outside and proceeds to rub a chloroform soaked rag on ARS’s face, steal his notes and make a mad dash for Elaine’s, where no one will ask questions?
d) Has an army of San Pietro bus boys on payroll who report back anything they heard from the movers and shakers dining at the restaurant after their shift?
e) Has realized that it’s the interns in every organization who hold the secrets, and to that end has endeared himself to the ones at the major banks by taking them out for drinks at Tropix, his favorite joint in Rego Park, where they have a lax policy on underage drinking?
This morning, Charlie revealed the answer. Read more »