Jack Welch

  • 24 Apr 2008 at 9:50 AM

Electric Press

Jeff Immelt: Is anyone from the damn public relations office back yet?
Vice President: The new girl, Tina.
JI: Wait, the hot little number who’s schtoinking that editor at that financial paper?
VP: The Wall Street Journal?
JI: Right. The Streetwise Journal.
VP: The Wall Street Journal.
JI: Get her sweet buns in here. Now. Oh, and I’d like my eggs poached this morning.
VP: Right.

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  • 22 Apr 2008 at 1:12 PM

Cheaper Power! (Sorta).

Jeff Immelt: Ok, this gun thing with Jack is killing me. It’s flashy enough and out there enough to make headlines, the story won’t die and, while the phrase “If he misses again I’ll get a gun and shoot him” is outlandish enough to be ignored if it came from any other personality, this is Jack fucking Welch here. Nothing he says seems crazy to the market. I’m so sick of everyone fawning over him. Look, I want some really serious ideas about how to address this. I want- hey. Wait a minute. Where is Linda?
Vice President: She’s on vacation, sir.
JI: What?
VP: She is out of town and unreachable.
JI: At a time like this? Who the hell thought that up?
VP: It was quite sudden, actually. She rushed out of the office right after the CNBC piece.

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welch.jpgThough the words “Jeff [Immelt] has a credibility issue” did indeed exit the mouth of Jack Welch yesterday on “Squawk Box,” the former General Electric CEO showed up on the CNBC morning show again today to clarify that under no circumstances should they have been misconstrued to mean that there are issues surrounding Jeff Immelt’s credibility. If that’s how you took it, WOW. Said Welch, “Much to my shock and horror remarks I made on Squawk Box about the performance of GE CEO Jeff Immelt were interpreted to mean the exact opposite of what I intended. You see, what you took as my suggestion that Immelt couldn’t manage a Taco Bell if his life depended on it was actually my way of saying the guy’s an outstanding CEO. Besides, Taco Bell is a tough operation to handle, trust me. The hours suck with the all night drive-thru. No one would know that better than me. I could tell you some stories.”
Welch did not, however, take back his threat to “get out a gun and shoot” his successor, should the “shit for brains” CEO (which is to say “genius”) miss earnings again, ‘cause guess what? He meant it. And not in the up/down, in/out, I was just messing, by “I’ll fucking kill you” I meant “I’ll fucking give birth to you” way, but in the I swear to god, I will not hesitate to end your life if that’s what it takes to get some results out of this bitch. Check out the name tag button on my lapel, grandma Immelt. You’re in my bizzaro world now.
GE’s Welch Defends Immelt, Says Remark Misinterpreted [Bloomberg]
Welch says GE’s Immelt has `credibility issue’ [AP]