jail time

Remember David Miller? Rochdale Securites trader who masterminded a scam that involved the “unauthorized purchase of about $1 billion in Apple stock,” which he claimed was for a client (a lie)? Forget to dot a few essential i’s and cross a few crucial t’s in the scheme, which contributed to its failure and left the firm in a “negative capital position”? Robbed the universe of Dick Bové research for a time? Which thankfully turned out to be a very short amount of time, i.e. the period between Bové’s resignation from Rochdale and the announcing of the winner of the Dick Bové Sweepstakes? Yeah, he’s going to jail. Read more »

The bad news: Peter Ghavami is going to spend some time in prison. The goods news: it’s way less than the 21 years prosecutors were hoping for. So that’s something! Read more »

Italian judges have ruled that former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was guilty of having sex with a minor and abusing his power. Berlusconi has been given a 7-year jail sentence, though the sentence is pending appeal. He has also been given a lifetime ban from public office. Berlusconi’s lawyer said he would appeal the verdict, as expected. Earlier, judges in a Milan court had retired to consider their verdict on Monday in a trial surrounding allegations that Berlusconi had sex with former nightclub dancer Karima El Mahroug, known as “Ruby the Heartstealer,” who was then under 18…According to Giovanni Orsina, professor of Italian history at the Luiss-Guido Carli University in Rome, the real worry for Berlusconi and the future of Italy’s government isn’t from Monday’s ruling but from another case that Berlusconi faces over tax fraud, which could ultimately undo his political career. “This trial has more visibility, it’s more interesting than the tax trial, but ultimately the tax fraud trial will have more of a final effect,” Orsina said. “But the trial in November over tax fraud is the last appeal and if guilty, Berlusconi would be out of politics for good,” he added. [CNBC]

Remember Juerg Buergin? Former UBS executive, brown hair, rimless glasses, about yea high? Goes by the name Robert James when seeing the services of prostitutes? Tried to argue that the 17 year-old hooker he banged during his time in Singapore tricked him into thinking she was 18, which he and his lawyer backed up by point to all the women he paid to have sex with who were between the ages of 20 and 43? He’s going to spend some time in jail. Read more »

Remember Andrey Hicks? For those who can’t keep their founders of fake hedge funds straight, he’s the guy who ripped off Kim Kardashian’s 72 day husband, Chris Humphries, along with a bunch of other investors in his Locust Offshore Management fund, and in 2011 was arrested and had his assets frozen by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which took issue with the “brazen web of lies” he’d fed people that included:

  • The claim he received a Ph.D in Applied Mathematics from Harvard in two years (he neither earned his doctorate from Harvard nor his undergraduate degree and in fact only lasted three semesters in Cambridge, taking a single math course, in which he got a D-).
  • The claim that while working at Barclays Capital, he increased his group’s assets under management to $16 billion, despite BarCap having no record of his employment.
  • The claim that at Locust, he applied “quantitative strategies based on mathematical models he developed at Harvard”
  • The claim that Ernst & Young was the fund’s auditor, Credit Suisse its prime broker and custodian, even though the SEC report was the first either had heard of the guy.

Anyway, he’s going to do some time. Read more »

Let this be a lesson to anyone hoping to avoid a couple centuries in prison– nobody fucks with Jimmy Cayne’s roach clip and gets away with it! Read more »


They say that’s the only way Dykstra* will learn that in our society, you can’t rip toilets and other bathroom fixtures out of the floors of foreclosed houses and sell them to a pawn shops, or bounce checks to hookers, or drop trou for the cleaning staff just because you feel like it. Read more »