As previously mentioned, JPMorgan began “swinging the ax on prop traders, starting with energy group,” which cut about 40 heads, two weeks ago. In case there was any doubt– sometimes employers like to play elaborate practical jokes on people–, today the Journal confirms those firings.
Jamie Dimon
People are reportedly prettay prettay pleased at the House of Dimon this morning. Read more »
The new JPMorgan analysts smile for their class picture this morning.
A breathtaking portrait hanging in JD’s yet-to-be-sold Chicago home. [Luxist]
The House of Dimon has allegedly begun “swinging the ax on prop traders, starting with energy group” with “around 40 people gone so far.”
Jamie and Lloyd weren’t invited (not that they’d slum it at something like this anyway), and James Gorman, Robert Wolf, Brian Moynihan and Bob Diamond declined to attend having other plans but Vikram will be there, Mr. President! With bells on! Read more »
For the most part, you can’t swing a BD without knocking into someone who would rate Jamie Dimon on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “love that guy” 10 being “I’ve built a shrine to his cock at my desk.” Notice I said “FOR THE MOST PART.” Last week a guy on Facebook suggested he’d rather not be counted among the Dimon worshipers and today, in the midst of an otherwise glowing article about JD, Mike Mayo throws some hate in the direction of the House of Dimon.
“They are not Wells Fargo when it comes to retail banking. They are not American Express when it comes to credit cards. They are not BlackRock when it comes to asset management,” said Michael Mayo of Credit Agricole Securities. “And JPMorgan is not Goldman Sachs in emerging markets.”
Well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man. Furthermore, you think a guy who’s achieved the same level of fame as the woman who put the cone bra on the map is losing much sleep over what you think, boy? Read more »
Yesterday a fellow named Sean Michael Carey started a Facebook group called “Punch Jamie Dimon (CEO of JPMorgan Chase) in the Balls,” the stated purpose being exactly that. He didn’t say why he wanted someone to inflict harm on JD’s (glorious, possibly cup-protected) sack, only that after doing so, you should add “Sean Michael Carey sends his regards, fucker.” Today Daily Intel found out the source of SMCs beef toward James: after bouncing a few checks, Chase froze his account and said they were investigated him for check fraud. And then: Read more »
Generally, when the topic of Jamie Dimon comes up, vis-a-vis his nuts, and what people would like to do to them, the answers tend to veer toward “build a shrine to them,” “nuzzle them,” “gaze lovingly at them,” “have them rest on my chin,” “put them in my mouth” and “create a mold of them and rub for good luck.” Inflicting harm is almost never suggested, unless by a certain analyst who shows love via BDSM. Bucking that trend is a fellow named Sean Michael Carey. SMC wants Jamie hit where it hurts, on account of the fact that JD apparently owes him $142. “If you see him today punch him in the balls and say ‘Sean Michael Carey sends his regards, fucker’,” Carey wrote on the wall of the Facebook group he formed yesterday for the sole purpose of getting the message out. Carey adds that if you’re going to do this for him, please be advised: Read more »
Jamie Dimon has only narrowed it down to three (Doug Braunstein, Mike Cavanagh, and Heidi Miller) but Miller is seen as a front runner, due to the fact that she takes no shit, or prisoners, especially from JD.
“This is someone who has the capability of staring Jamie Dimon down, so that’s obviously served her well,” said Duff McDonald, author of “Last Man Standing: The Ascent of Jamie Dimon and JPMorgan Chase.” “The fact that he’s chosen her to take on this new and expanded role should surprise nobody.”
Confidential To Brian Moynihan, The White House Is Just Using You To Rankle Jamie Dimon
By Bess Levin
Remember this?
Time was, Jamie Dimon was referred to as “Obama’s favorite banker.” And for a while, he really was! And why shouldn’t he be? He’s a lifelong Democrat, he basically put Obama in office, he attended the 3-day inauguration in support of his guy. He’s extremely good-looking. He loves universal healthcare. He’s got charm and charisma dripping out of every orifice, he was one of the CEOs who didn’t fuck up and he’s not Lloyd Blankfein. I won’t even get started on the fact that he’s the guy who’ll make you laugh and he’s handy around the house. (Just know that those attributes were not discounted by the president.) And for a while, things between O and D (and their respective kingdoms) was good. Really good. Obama seemed to understand that Dimon wasn’t cut from the same cloth as “baldy,” it looked like JPM wouldn’t get punished for the sins of its peers and the President would openly acknowledge how great Jamie was, especially compared to the low-hanging fruit at Citi. Read more »
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